Feeling bad about "boasting"

[Shoo]

The mom of one of my dd's school chums came over yesterday.  We've gotten to be friendly, if not quite "good" friends yet, but I like her a lot, and I enjoy visiting with her.

She stayed for about 1.5 hours and during that time, we talked about a lot of different things.  Some of a more personal nature, like my sdd's problem with depression, etc.  Every chat we have, we seem to talk a bit more personally, which is what I consider the stepping stones to a good and trusting friendship.

During our visit yesterday, we got onto the subject of home computers, and I spoke up about how I was expecting UPS to knock on my door at any moment to deliver a new notebook computer my dh had ordered for my dd, who is only 6.  I explained that my dh is waaaay into computers and we want dd to have one of her own that she can take care of and learn on.

Now, my friend's family finances are extremely tight.  They certainly don't have money for their kids to have their own computers, and she seemed surprised that we'd buy one for our dd, who is, admittedly, very young.

After I spoke up about the computer, I immediately felt bad ... like I was bragging or something.  I don't think I was consciously doing that, but obviously some kind of sensibility switch in my brain switched off or something, because I think maybe I came across that way.  I feel sort of ashamed of myself today, and wish I would have not said anything about the computer.

I hope I didn't step over some line and damage our budding friendship.  Any way to undo this?  I solemnly vow to be more careful in the future.  But what about what's already done?

[DottyG]

I know what you're feeling.  That "what can I do now?!" feeling.  However, anything you say or do at this point would just make things worse.

However, I don't think you did anything wrong to begin with.  A computer for a 6 year old that you're hoping will get a good foundation in computer skills isn't a bad thing.  It's not something that everyone can provide their child.  But, if you're able to, more power to you.

The fact that this person doesn't have as much money isn't your problem.  Nor is it a "problem" at all.  All of us have different salaries - and different priorities as to how to spend those salaries.  You've chosen this way.  She's chosen her way.  All's fine.

[Secret]

I know what you're feeling.  That "what can I do now?!" feeling.  However, anything you say or do at this point would just make things worse.

I agree.  Perhaps the mother wasn't thinking about finances but more along the lines of, "why does a 6 year old need a computer?"  She may not have even thought of "It must be nice to afford a laptop for a 6 year old"  You might intervertantly start her thinking that.  And once someone starts to think that way, she may start to see it in everything.  "They ate out again??"

My DF and I are more well off than a some of our friends and we don't tiptoe around our friends. If we've bought a huge LCD tv, we really can't hide that!!  Although I don't go around saying, I went shopping and bought this...this and this.  I just avoid that kind of stuff.  I would do that when chatting with the mom.  No need to go into specifics, but you couldn't hide the fact you were waiting for a package to come any second.

[Chocolate Cake]

I agree that there isn't anything you should say at this point as any attempt to explain would just make it worse if she indeed was thinking that you have so much money that you don't know what to do with it.

The key for the future is "Balance".   Consciously direct conversation so that it has nothing to do with the things money can buy (i.e. "fancy" vacations, new furniture, etc.)   If she isn't constantly hearing you speak about what you are going to buy or what you have recently purchased, she won't think a thing of it when it does come up every distant now and again.

[Clara Bow]

I don't think you were bragging, you were just relating a life event. Believe me, money is noose-tight in my house and I thought nothing of your statement (and my crazy pill hasn't kicked in yet, so there you go). If it made you uncomfortable though....
In the future if you're concerned about sounding boastful, just don't mention property or possessions. But I really don't think that your comment was rude or wrong in any way, and I wouldn't have taken it as such. I don't know if I would buy a six year old a computer, but those are my values and not yours and you are entitled to spend your money as you choose.

[supernova]

It's only boasting if you do it over and over and over and...

I wouldn't worry about it. 

     - saphie

[IndianInlaw]

Don't be silly.  You were waiting for the UPS person, so it was a relevant subject.

I've had lots of friends who were much more well off than I and it didn't bother me one iota.  If they had something for their kid, I was happy for them.

You were excited about a new purchase, not bragging.

Saying anything further would only call attention to her situation.

[Tabris]

I've been there. Many times I've failed to mention a gift or a purchase to friends I know are having financial struggles because I don't want them to feel bad.

Having already said it, just move on and don't make a big deal out of it. Pretend you never said it, and that's that. Carry on as normal. You'll be okay.

[NOVA Lady]

I wouldn't worry about it if you're not usually the "see what we can afford type".

But I can definetly see how you wish you could take saying it back. I was talking with a good friend today who is one half of a couple that me and my SO were friends with before their very turbulent and sad split. I had sent her a holiday card, with our holiday picture which was me and so sitting in front of our christmas tree, wearing our matching jerseys and each holding one of the two cats wearing Santa hats (its sooo cute). She told me it was a lovely picture and then started crying, it took me a second to figure out why....She is very newly ALONE this holiday season, how insentive of me. I wish I had a time machine!

I am sure your friend will move on and judge your overall actions, not a momentary passing comment.

[kingsrings]

I am struggling financially right now, and I don't see the OP's comment as bragging or boasting at all. I don't think it's wrong at all to mention purchases, it would be wrong to embellish it by bragging about one's ability to purchase it. I have a dear friend who is a really nice person, but she is blessed more financially than myself and a lot of our other friends. She has a well-paying job and is in a roommate living situation where she doesn't have to pay rent or mortgage. Consequently, she has a lot of extra dough on her hands to spend and sometimes makes comments that make the rest of us resent this, as we're all struggling to pay bills and expenses that she doesn't have to worry about. I wish that she would be more conscientious about this and not always mention price or make the comment that "I can afford it".