I don't disagree. My point was that she should either 1) answer the question truthfully or 2) disengage, not answer the question with a "I've already answered that" or something else that is open to interpretation. I understood from the OP that she was responding to her soon-to-be-ex's questions with vague non-answers, which, in my experience, will only inflame him further. My advice was to either answer truthfully or not engage at all.
How is she to "not engage", and yet ask him for the remote back?
It's a tough spot. I would either take steps so I did not need the remote back and could completely disengage or I would say, "I am not seeing anyone but we are done so I fully expect to begin d@ting at some point in the future and it is none of your concern when and if I do" rather than something vague. I just know from experience that a non-answer or skirting the issue creates more suspicion in a suspicious mind. With the further information from the OP, I would choose option A, which would be not asking him for the remote back at all.
You are still putting the responsibility back on the OP. She has said that he has asked her if she's seeing anyone, and she has said no. Why does she now have to say "but I reserve the right to, etc, etc". That is just giving seeds of suspicion to his silliness. I disagree with your advice, because it really feels like you are saying "you are being abused, so it is your job to do whatever it takes to make your abuser happy so that they stop abusing you." Instead, she is taking the correct steps of removing him from her life - and she needs her keys and GDO back in order to do that.
I don't think you are reading what I wrote. My initial advice, when I was under the impression that the OP had provided vague non-answers and continued to discuss these vague non-answers with the stbex, was that
if the OP was going to engage in a discussion of whether she is dating anyone else, she should be honest and then end the discussion rather than provide vague non-answers that will only increase suspicion in a suspicious person. My advice was not that she
should engage in this discussion. Only that
if she was going to it would be better to be honest and cut off his expectations.
My advice is not now and never has been that the OP should engage in a discussion with the stbex. In fact, my advice is that the OP should take steps so that she does not need to engage in discussion with the stbex at all (by simply rekeying the locks and getting a new GDO setup). My advice was that,
if she is going to engage in a discussion with the stbex she should be honest and not provide vague, non-answers.
