Ms PITA - again - venting

[wetblanket]

Background:  Ms PITA is a co-worker who doesn't pull her weight, tries to dump work on others, excludes me from meetings about projects I'm working on and relays my comments, ideas, etc to my boss instead of giving me a chance to say them myself (actually I think she is taking credit for my ideas).  This is all despite my repeated explicit requests that she include me in meetings and let me speak for myself. 

So you can see why Ms PITA is no friend of mine.  That doesn't stop her from trying to pretend like everything is OK.  E.g. by asking me in a gushing over-sweet voice about my weekend, holidays, etc.  I respond civilly and politely, but very coolly.  I engage with her as little as possible.  I can tell she is offended by this and no doubt thinks I am "difficult" or have a "bad attitude".

Does anyone have any insight about why some people can act like total jerks and then expect to have a friendly relationship with you?  How could this woman possibly think that I have any interest in talking to her unless it is absolutely necessary?  Does she think that a few token nice gestures make up for her laziness, sneakiness and disrespect?

Sigh.

And is it rude for me to be cool towards her, under the circumstances?  I can't bear to even look at this woman.

[housewife2k]

I think, in this situation, being a little cool to her is the best way to go. Don't snub her, don't be snarky, but avoid dealing with her whenever you can.

[Chocolate Cake]

Is it possible for you to circumvent her tendency to take credit for your ideas, comments, etc. by not sharing these things with her?   Can you be very vague about your projects until you have a chance to draft any suggestions/ideas/thoughts in writing to the boss?

[wetblanket]

Can you be very vague about your projects until you have a chance to draft any suggestions/ideas/thoughts in writing to the boss?

Yes, this is exactly what I am going to do from now on.  I suspect that the reason Ms PITA is so hostile about this is because if she had only her own ideas to discuss, she'd have nothing to say.

Just since I last posted, she has struck again - with laziness.  She's truly unbelievable.

[Bijou]

Background:  Ms PITA is a co-worker who doesn't pull her weight, tries to dump work on others, excludes me from meetings about projects I'm working on and relays my comments, ideas, etc to my boss instead of giving me a chance to say them myself (actually I think she is taking credit for my ideas).  This is all despite my repeated explicit requests that she include me in meetings and let me speak for myself. 

So you can see why Ms PITA is no friend of mine.  That doesn't stop her from trying to pretend like everything is OK.  E.g. by asking me in a gushing over-sweet voice about my weekend, holidays, etc.  I respond civilly and politely, but very coolly.  I engage with her as little as possible.  I can tell she is offended by this and no doubt thinks I am "difficult" or have a "bad attitude".

Does anyone have any insight about why some people can act like total jerks and then expect to have a friendly relationship with you?  How could this woman possibly think that I have any interest in talking to her unless it is absolutely necessary?  Does she think that a few token nice gestures make up for her laziness, sneakiness and disrespect?

Sigh.

And is it rude for me to be cool towards her, under the circumstances?  I can't bear to even look at this woman.

When you say you are cool to her, I picture a cartoon of someone being cool to someone else where there are icicles dripping from their words. I would just try to be very businesslike, which to me means interacting with her the same way you interact with other business associates, less the personal exchanges that sometimes occur with co workers.  (I think that if you consciously act cool toward her, you may be fanning whatever fire is there.)