General Etiquette > Family and Children

No gifts please in a birthday invitation

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ShadesOfGrey:
My sister is planning a weekend getaway for some friends (actually dinner on Friday and a spa day on Saturday) and asked me to proof invitations.  She is not hosting (read: paying), she just wants everybody to celebrate with her, and so far, everyone has wanted to come. 

She wrote "no gifts necessary...just your company!" at the bottom of the invite.  I know you arent supposed to mention gifts in an invitation (and yes, I told her that), but how/when should we communicate the 'no gifts' request? She would feel terrible if anyone showed up with a gift in addition to paying for the celebration!

kingsrings:
I don't think she would have to worry much about getting gifts, as the guests have already paid for their weekend getaway package and would probably just bring a card or something.

Lisbeth:
The only time it's ever appropriate to communicate this is after you are asked by the guest about gifts.

It's never acceptable per etiquette to try to pre-empt the gift selection process, because it assumes that 1) the host/honoree is entitled to gifts (which in fact is never the case because gifts are always optional) and 2) it's acceptable to tell others what to do with their money, which it is not.  That's why etiquette also doesn't allow for "In lieu of gifts, donate to charity" except in the case of flowers at a funeral.

ShadesOfGrey:
ok, so how should she word the invitation so that people dont think that she is paying for it.... (this is the real crux of the issue!)

goblue2539:
Am I right in thinking this is more on the casual side?  Would it be possible for her to say something like, "Join me at Big Weekend Getaway!  I really look forward to seeing all of you!"  And then at the bottom, "Cost per Person, Please RSVP to.... "  That's really all I can think of, although I'm not 100% sure how appropriate it is. 

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