Author Topic: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too  (Read 3497 times)

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Sparkle Star

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Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« on: September 06, 2009, 08:57:52 AM »
My dear SIL has been staying for a few days. (I've mentioned her before.) She arrived out of the blue on Thursday, and left this morning (Sunday).

BG: She lives in Hong Kong but was in the UK returning my nephews to their school after summer. It was Mr Star's birthday on Thursday so she decided to come and surprise him. Mr Star and Son Star are away this weekend and I had some plans which I had to cancel as a result of her descending.

We spent all yesterday shopping in town while my daughter was at a friend's, and in the evening we had dinner with MIL. We used my car and it was dark when we returned home. This morning SIL noticed a couple of scratches and a small dent on the driver's side of her hire car. It must have happened yesterday - looks like one of the kids on the street has ridden/fallen into it on their bike or scooter. I've quizzed the ones I've seen out this morning, and of course they've denied all knowledge.

I can totally understand how annoyed she was about this - she'll now lose her 100 deposit as she's not returning the car in the condition she collected it - but she spoke as though she expected me to offer to pay. I wondered if I should, as the car got damaged outside our house - but it was hardly our fault. (Also, not that it's relevant, but it would hurt us financially, whereas SIL and her husband are loaded and to be honest won't even notice it.)

I bean-dipped a couple of times - she kept saying how annoying/unfair it was when she'd come to see us as a nice surprise for her brother, and how she should have stayed where she was - but when she left I still felt she was cross I hadn't offered to cover the payment. I also felt  - still feel - guilty that she'll be stung for something that happened outside our home and think maybe I should have.

Love, dance and chocolate fudge cake - what more do I need?

goblue2539

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2009, 09:03:09 AM »
Yes, she meant it as a nice surprise for her brother, but dropping in unannounced on anyone is generally considered rude in the first place.

You didn't do anything wrong.  This is a risk that anyone takes with a rental car, and it's simply unfortunate that hers got scratched.  But, it was her rental car, and therefore her responsibility to pay the deposit.  She can be annoyed by the situation, and perhaps that's all it was.  I know I'd be ticked too, but I'd never expect someone else to pay for me. 

Amava

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2009, 09:11:54 AM »
I don't think you have a reason to feel guilty for things that are out of your control. You can't control your whole neighbourhood.

You didn't damage the car. She rented a car, left it out in a public parking space, and it got damaged. That is really not your fault.

Not saying that you can't feel bad for her, and commiserate. But you don't have to feel responsible or guilty about it.


magician5

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2009, 03:30:31 AM »
HER auto insurance is very likely to cover it (as a vehicle she is driving). She should ask.
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judyjudyjudy

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2009, 07:24:46 AM »
Bad, evil judyjudyjudy would be oh so tempted to ask her, "Who asked you to come and visit unannounced!"   >:D

Alas, polite judyjudyjudy would restrain herself.

Akka

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2009, 11:03:29 AM »
Do not feel bad.

If I come to visit you and leave my car (my property or rental) parked outside from your house, it is my responsibility what happens to it (unless you or your kids have something to do with my damage).

If she spilled coffee on her dress while being at your house, would she expect you to pay the dry cleaning bill because it was your coffee?

Betelnut

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2009, 11:32:38 AM »
Well, she never actually asked you to pay so why worry about a question that was never asked?

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Lisbeth

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2009, 11:34:30 AM »
I wouldn't worry about it.  If she actually asks you to pay for it, you can bring up that you had nothing to do with the damage to the car, and that her insurance ought to cover the damages.

Otherwise, leave it alone.
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Sparkle Star

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2009, 01:51:55 PM »
Well, she never actually asked you to pay so why worry about a question that was never asked?



Because I know my SIL and it was implied....

As follow-up, she texted me later in the day to say she'd arrived at her new destination (this one WAS arranged) and did say she was still annoyed about the car and was surprised I hadn't offered to at least pay half!

Thanks to you lovely E-hellions, I found the courage to respond that that was an interesting assumption and used Goblue's line of that being a risk one took with hire cars etc.

I never got a reply and have heard nothing else since - bonus! ;D
Love, dance and chocolate fudge cake - what more do I need?

Twik

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2009, 02:36:00 PM »
Was she raised by parents who typically bailed her out whenever she faced any sort of financial loss or difficulties? Because it sounds like she has a mindset that "it's just not fair that *I* should be out money because of the way the world works! Other people should be taking the hit, not ME!"
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goblue2539

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Re: Not sure bean dip was appropriate response - and I feel guilty too
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2009, 06:57:55 PM »
Glad to be of service. :D