getting clarification

[wetblanket]

I must be missing something.....

For context:

Poster A wrote:

Wetblankets where it finally came down to the fact she hates her co-workers and anything they do is wrong. (This re: my whingeing about my office holiday party, how the $$ was handled, etc.)

I wrote:

Er, I'm not clear on how my posts relate to this thread.  And I don't know how you got "anything they do is wrong" from any of my posts.  Would you care to explain?
   
Poster B then wrote:
 
Wetblanket, my perception of one of the other threads was that you had a problem, and some of the other posters felt the majority of your frustration was because you didn't like your co-workers and therefore "everything they do is wrong" from your standpoint.  It wasn't something you said directly, just something other posters interpreted.

The impression I'm getting is that my comments were interpreted very negatively.  I.e.  I was not given the benefit of the doubt, and a very extreme conclusion was reached about me and my situation.

However, the co-workers I originally posted about were given the benefit of the doubt.  Despite some pertinent facts about the unnecessary collection of funds and the weirdly high amount of money requested, many (not all) of the replies to my original post were along the lines of "it's not a lot of money", "don't be so difficult", etc.  (yes, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of it).

On the whole, I was perceived to be in the wrong - wrong from every angle.

So I'm trying to understand how things work here on e-hell and etiquette-wise in general. 

What's the guideline re: the benefit of the doubt for parties in an etiquette dispute? 
 
 

[ehellion]

What topic did you post in so I can read it? I can't really answer until I read what's going on. Why am I always in the dark, lol?

[Clara Bow]

I want to respectfully say that as I read your office party post I got the distinct impression that you do not like your coworkers and that you are going to dislike what they do. As I was hearing your side of the story, and not directly hearing theirs it made more sense to present areas in which their behavior was appropriate. I feel as if I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I also thought that you were overreacting a bit. That's not meant as a criticism, or to make light of your frustration. It's just the impression that I got.
I think that the best thing you could do for yourself would be to find a job with some people you can be positive about, I know that you don't like these people you work with now.

[Rei-chan]

Wetblanket, I was one of the posters to this particular thread.  I was not (and am still not) trying to judge, but on the surface the "tone" of both the original and subsequent posts made about the situation seemed to me rather combative where your co workers were concerned.  That is why I made the post(s) that I did.  I did not intend to criticize, I just wanted to present a different perspective on why these people might have made the choices that they did, based on my own experiences.

I think that because we only read the posts and don't hear tone of voice or see facial expressions, that sometimes it is rather hard to understand where someone is coming from.  All we have to go on is what we read and the response to what we say. 

Hope this helps to clarify what went wrong in this particular posting situation.

[CrayonOutlines]

Wetblanket,

I didn't post in either of the original threads, but read the entire one about the party at the pub.  I didn't give the benefit of the doubt to your co-workers because I never posted.  But I have to say that I'm in complete agreement with Auntie Venom -- regardless of how wonderful or awful your co-workers really are, based on what you write, it sounds to me that you REALLY don't like them.

I understand your frustration about other posters "defending" your co-workers (that happens a lot around here, e.g., "Well, the stranger who stomped on your foot may have just woken from a coma and may have been practicing walking again and it may have been a great thing that she was walking again, much less stomping, so you shouldn't have reacted to it because she may have just been doing her physical therapy exercises!").  As far as the perception that you don't like your co-workers, there's a saying I'd like to share with you, "If enough people tell you that you have a tail, you'd better turn around and see if it's wagging."

ETA: Like Marina says, a passionate view (whether positive or negative) usually skews the storyteller's perception.  And that's probably why people were asking you to consider the possible viewpoint of your co-workers.

[Clara Bow]

Another thought...not everyone here is going to agree, and not everyone here is going to think that something is as big a deal as you do. I started a thread and largely got my hand slapped. Nothing to get upset about, it's just people's opinion. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.
I really think that the healthiest thing for you to do is to just let this go. I think you've gotten too angry, largely because you're dealing with people who you do not care for and largely because you felt as though no one understood your viewpoint. That's my opinion, incidentally.

[NOVA Lady]

Wetblanket. I have tried to make this point (about why I seem like I am giving the party planners the benefit of the doubt but not you...which isn't really true) but will try here.

1. YOU are here posting. We can ask you questions and you can answer them. However the party planners aren't here to answer for themselves, I cannot get more info from them or their side of the story or possibly a perfectly plausible reason for their actions (or not....).

2. You have stated multiple times that you "hate" you coworkers. I know if I dislike someone I tend to put a negative spin on their actions, don't give the benefit of the doubt, think the worst of their motives. So, I know there are 2 sides to your story, with only one being represented.

3. Since the party planner cannot offer explainations themselves some of us are using our prior experience with planning get together or parties and thinking of possible reasons for their actions. We don't need to make up reasons for your actions, because you can give them yourself.

And in the end. We aren't all going to agree all the time.  You are clearly dissapointed you are not getting the responses you hoped for. But at the end of the day I still feel that the planners are not doing anything rude. That saying you wont/might not go when you know you'll go all along is rude. And that the only polite way to deal with the situation is to go and do what the hosts/organizers have asked and not complain (to them not here....I know I post things here I wouldn't vent to person annoying me) or to decline and not go.

[DottyG]

So I'm trying to understand how things work here on e-hell and etiquette-wise in general. 

Actually, the "etiquette" here is that things like this post really need to be brought up in the Admin folder rather than as a separate thread here.  Just makes things neater.

And, that the thread you're referring to (where your thread was brought into it) is not really "done" here.  It was carrying over another issue in an unfair way to you and to the OP of the thread that got threadjacked.

(I'm not a moderator, so I could be wrong on some of this.  I'm relying on a real mod or the Great One Herself to correct me if I'm wrong. )