Author Topic: I did NOT say that!  (Read 15850 times)

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Felica

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I did NOT say that!
« on: September 09, 2009, 04:37:09 PM »
I was talking to my cousin last night and she mentioned my cat. Benny is getting on up there in age now, he's almost 15. Dh's ladydog is almost 13. Cousin asked how old our other animals were and I replied that the mynas were nearing 18 years as best we could tell (adopted) and the goldfish were already past due to pass away. She asked about the other dog and cat. I responded that those animals belonged to the children and I expected that when they left school that they would be taking their pets with them.

She then commented that we would be bery lonely when that happened because the other animals would probably be passed on by then. She then asked me if we would get a new puppy or kitten. I told her no, we wouldn't be, that Dh and I were looking forward to not having to look after anyone but ourselves or worry about anyone else. Somehow, this comment morphed into "I can't wait for my pets to die and my kids to get out of the house and take theirs with them."

Don't ask me how she got that from my comment, nothing could be further from the truth, but suddenly I was a 'cold and callous person who was very selfish to wish my pets dead and my children out." I tried to explain what I meant to her but it only seemed to make it worse. I finally gave up and said, "Well, that's a really interesting assumption!"

I will cry a million tears when Benny leaves me, and Dh will be heartbroken to lose Ladydog. The whole family will feel the loss of the the two evil birds. And goodness knows, the kids moving out someday will be a huge change for Dh and I. Still, the fact that I am looking forward to less responsibilities and more free time doesn't mean I am trying to 'off' them or drive my kids out does it?

AmethystAnne

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2009, 05:47:30 PM »
Certainly not!

trailgrrl

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2009, 06:27:48 PM »
No, you're fine.  We've openly told the kids we're selling the house when the youngest goes to college and buying a one bedroom condo  ;)

The cat is 15, Dasiydog is three and my youngest son is 11.  If I can restrain myself from more pets, we should likely be petless and kidless by 2016 or so.  Daisydog may be longer lived, but g_d love her, she isn't too bright.  I try to keep her safe but she may likely be the cause of her own demise.  (She likes to rush the front door and escape, and thinks that moving cars like to play with her)
 
Seriously Felicia, I can't believe she read that into your statement.

extranormal

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2009, 11:38:47 PM »
Well, goodness. My MIL didn't remarry after her husband died, so I guess that means she couldn't wait for him to shuffle off this mortal coil.  ::)

Luci

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2009, 09:13:13 AM »
We are now comfortably childless and petless in our home but enjoyed the years of childraising very much and are delighted to visit with the kids and grandkids and their pets. It is a good time of life as we can rest and enjoy each other and still have the wonderful memories of our younger days. We and our children think that this is what life is all about and they are happy for us but don't feel pushed away or unloved or unappreciated.

I feel sad for those who depend on work or children to make life worthwhile. We certainly get to enjoy the concerts and sports the grandchildren are in as much as we did our own children's, we but don't have all that responsibility. We are blessed that they are all within a couple of hours drive from us and that we are still in good enough health to enjoy our life as it is.

I think that this is the future that you are looking forward to, and I'm sorry your comments were misinterpreted. I kind of feel sorry for your cousin. I am also sad for those who haven't been as lucky as we are in achieving the kind of life they wanted (and not everyone wants the same thing!) and know that it is up to each person to find the best in life with what has been dealt.

I hope your future is what you want

gibsongirl

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2009, 09:29:37 AM »
What a ridiculous assumption, and more than a little mean spirited on her part!  Grrrrrr on your behalf...

Missy2U

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2009, 09:30:33 AM »
Good gravy!  What is WITH some people?  My husband and I were tickled pink when my son moved out and joined the Navy!  Not because we wanted him "out" but because we were happy he was pursuing what HE wanted to do and was starting his own journey, and because we had never had time alone with each other in our whole relationship!  It was a new thing for us too!

I too, like brenda, hope your future is all you want it to be!!

mechtilde

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2009, 12:58:17 PM »
What is wrong with wanting your children to become independant and coming to terms with the fact that your pets won't live forever?
NE England

AM in AL

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2009, 01:33:31 PM »
Well, goodness. My MIL didn't remarry after her husband died, so I guess that means she couldn't wait for him to shuffle off this mortal coil.  ::)

And if she had remarried, it would have proven that she never loved him.

MyFamily

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2009, 02:27:06 PM »
My parents have plans to leave the small town where they currently live to live in a much bigger city that is more their style once my grandparents pass away (they won't do it before hand because my mom is their primary caregiver).  Does that mean that my parents are looking forward to my grandparents passing away (okay, I was just sick just typing that)?  Of course not - it means that they are making plans for what they believe life will give them.  It is what we all do.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Jocelyn

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2009, 09:42:47 AM »
No, you're fine.  We've openly told the kids we're selling the house when the youngest goes to college and buying a one bedroom condo  ;)

As a youngest, I know it would have been distressing to me to watch my sisters be able to come home from college  and have their own rooms to stay in, and then to be told I wouldn't have that opportunity. When I go home now, I have to sleep on the sofa, and the lack of privacy is really pretty uncomfortable for both me and my parents.

trailgrrl

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2009, 07:52:32 PM »
No, you're fine.  We've openly told the kids we're selling the house when the youngest goes to college and buying a one bedroom condo  ;)

As a youngest, I know it would have been distressing to me to watch my sisters be able to come home from college  and have their own rooms to stay in, and then to be told I wouldn't have that opportunity. When I go home now, I have to sleep on the sofa, and the lack of privacy is really pretty uncomfortable for both me and my parents.

Jocelyn, while I appreciate your situation, my response was both a little tongue in cheek and totally serious.  We plan to help our kids out with college as much as we  can, as well as start seriously preparing for retirement.  When my youngest is 18, we will no longer need/want a 2400 sq foot 4 bedroom  home, upkeep taxes etc.  He will likely only be using it as a crash pad at that point anyway  ;D (That's what I was doing at his age, I think I may have seen my family twice a week).

The tongue in cheek part was the one bedroom condo ( I will likely at least have a guest room  >:D ) .  I am totally serious about my kids growing up and moving on with their lives and my husband and I moving on to the next stage of ours.  At that point we will need to move all our family resources into saving for retirement.  We will need funds for our retirement years more than a home for a family who  should be becoming independent.   

There are growing pains to every stage in life.  My job as a parent is to raise my boys to be productive, self supporting, law abiding  and of course, polite adults.  Keeping the family home to be "fair" is not part of that equation.  Life is not fair.

As the youngest child in your family, I am willing to bet that there were opportunities that you were given that your older siblings were not (i.e. in my family I was allowed to borrow a family car, but that car was sold and the money was given to my younger brother to purchase his first car.  I was not given any money for my first car purchase).  However, my younger  brother also ended up on the short end of the stick with the family home.  It was sold when he was 19 and in the service and he  stayed with me when he visited for a few years. 

So please understand while I don't plan to kick my kids out the door on to the street at 18, I really am looking forward to my empty nest years.  Because, if we've done our job as parents well, we will have earned it.

snowball's chance

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2009, 08:12:18 PM »
Don't ask me how she got that from my comment, nothing could be further from the truth, but suddenly I was a 'cold and callous person who was very selfish to wish my pets dead and my children out."

A former BF's mom & I were talking and she said that if she had her way, she'd have all her kids and GKs living in her house.  I can't begin to tell you how stifling that sounded to me.

VorFemme

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2009, 08:17:17 PM »
Once the kids are all out on their own - I want to go to a smaller house with a sewing room (Murphy bed with a flannel quilt design layout wall on the underside), an exercise room for VorGuy (possibly another Murphy bed in there), and a fold out sofa in the living room - this would give us room for guests but not tie up all the "spare" room waiting for company.

I do think a vinyl floor would be easier to sweep up pins, needles, and thread clippings than carpet (current sewing room floor) - but DH can decide what he wants in his exercise room.......and if he chooses a sauna & shower, well, I can "rough it" with him!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Brandydan

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Re: I did NOT say that!
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2009, 05:00:02 PM »
We somehow  ::) have 8 pets: three dogs, ages 4, 3, and 2, and 5 cats ages 11, 10, 7, 3, and 2. We love all these messy, loud, expensive, funny creatures. In the past 4 years we have also dealt with the deaths of our two oldest cats, 17 and 13, and a prior dog who accidentally drowned at less than a year.

That being said, DH and I have jointly decided that we will not be acquiring any more pets once Mother Nature carries our pets over the Rainbow Bridge. We love our pets, since we cannot have children, but we also realize that 'even though they are dogs and cats' they are also responsibilities, they do take a chunk of our time, and all our plans and decisions from when we travel to where we live are dependent on what we will do with our pets.

It is NOT selfish to look to a day without pets, it is simply looking towards a future day. Our pets will not outlive us (for the most part), and I think that planning for a day when we will not need to deal with fur in our food or a cat's toosh on top of DH's head is not heartless, but simply another way of living.

Same for kids. My mom used to say that a parent's job is to not be needed unless it is an emergency, and she and Daddy felt that the day that the last of us moved out of the house was the start of a new life for them, and all of us agree.