Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Christmas is on Monday, we'd kinda like to know

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Last week, SIL told us she was definitely coming.  When I spoke to my friend (Flake) in November, she said she was also definitely making it and was checking for flights at the time of our conversation.  Normally, DH and I would take these yes's as just that, but SIL and Flake have cancelled before with little or no notice.  For example, this past Labor Day Weekend SIL said she was to be expected on a Monday but changed her mind by Wednesday.  Flake, well, she is just as I have nicknamed her and may most likely just not show up; however, she has been known to surprise us every now and then.   

DH and I have left each of them one email and one phone call message last weekend, but SIL and Flake seem to be on Casper status.

There are things that need to be planned, such as Christmas dinner and airport transportation.  SIL is a vegetarian.  DH and I were thinking of making all side dishes vegetarian and having two entrees (one meat and one vegetarian).  We'll also have to prepare more food in case it turns out to be dinner for three or four rather than just for two.  As for the airport thing, that's a bit more complicated and time consuming - we're splitting our time for the holidays between our country house and our city apartment (full-time residence).  We don't mind picking them up or dropping them off at the airport and we've already told them when we're staying at which place and what airports would be more convenient for each case, so it would be great if they paid attention to our prefences when booking their flights.  SIL's stay is easier to gauge as she said she was intending to visit through the weekend and leave before New Year's, but Flake said she was working Christmas Eve swing-shift and would take a flight after...meaning the earliest she could show up is on Christmas Day and expect to be picked up right then and there.  Of course, we could confirm all this if only these people would come out of hiding. 

We want to be accommodating, but there's only so much we can do. (BTW, DH told me to give up on Flake and he'll give his sister another call today)


go by what they told you.  If they said, yes, I'll be there, then call and in your message, dont ask if they are coming. Simply say "I need to make arrangements by X time.  If I dont hear from you by then, I will assume this means you have make your own arrangements.  Cant wait to see you."  If she calls from the airport looking for a ride, give her the number to a cab company (dont pay!).  If SIL shows up (unexpectedly), say "Great to see you"  If she comments that is no food she can eat, say  "Oh, I am sorry, we didnt know if you were coming, and didnt prepare anything special.  There's some milk, cheese and bread in the fridge, would you like some of that?"

plain and simple. (ok, now I wish there was a devil emotion - I swear I saw one posted once....!)

NOVA Lady:
Oh how annoying.

Me and my SO are piggies and love love love leftovers. We would probably cook for the 4 and then eat it up for a few days if it ended up being just us two.

I like the other poster's suggestion. Give them a final call/email/however you communicate best with them letting them know you're looking forward to seeing them. If they don't correct you, and then don't show up....maybe the invitation wont be extended next year?

We're going to plan as if SIL is showing up.  DH did try to call last night and left a message with one of her roommmates (couldn't say anything more than call your brother).  I can't really not extend any future  invitations to her, as I have just married into this family and have already breached etiquette with the IL's (I didn't know it was rude to offer a fully-paid hotel stay across the street from your apartment thinking it would be better accommodations for the parents than to squeeze four adults and one puppy into an almost 650 sq ft jr one bedroom).

As far as Flake is concerned, she's out of the picture.  I don't think I'll go out of my way to maintain this friendship any further.

Thanks for your replies. 

You didn't breach etiquette with your ILs; they breached it with you by griping about your not having room for them in your apartment.  That was rude.  I wouldn't expect to stay at someone's one-bedroom apartment.  So if you don't extend invitations to your SIL anymore, that's your privilege.  She may not like it, but it isn't rude.

As for Flake, it sounds to me like ending your friendship with her is the best thing you can do.


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