Classic: Xmas Party Invite

[Asharah]

My sister-in-law recently received an invitation to a Christmas party to be held on Christmas day from her "friend" Laura.  The invitation said "no children please".

Now, I don't have children and am very sympathetic to those who would rather not have kids at their parties. My SIL does have 2 children, but has always been very respectful of the adults vs. family events issue. She has happily attended many weddings, birthday parties, showers etc... without her kids when they were not invited, so I know she had no problem with the party itself.  However, because the party was on Xmas day, she felt that she should be with her family on that day, and so politely declined the invitation.   

Laura then calls her and starts screaming at her, saying she is "obsessed" with her kids, that she "hates" people who don't have kids, and that she is ruining Laura's Christmas by not attending the party.  My SIL, who is the sweetest person ever, called me crying and convinced that she was acting horribly.  I pointed out to her that 1) Wanting to be with family on Xmas does not count as obsession!  2) I don't have kids and she has never acted as though she hates me, and 3) Regardless of whether or not the invitees had children, Laura should have expected a high number of declines from people when she chose to have her party on Xmas Day!    I sure hope SIL crosses Laura off her "friends" list.   

EDRugrats1202-05

Asharah's comment: Okay, I can understand no-kid events, but a party on Xmas day? Xmas has always traditionally been a family oriented holiday. And screaming at somebody for ruining the party by not attending? Talk about tacky. I wonder how many other people with kids didn't attend.

[Ondine]

I didn't understand why the party had to be on Christmas Day either. And anyone with at least half a brain cell would know that Christmas is for families to get together, and hosting a no children event on a day that is for families is just absurd.

[Twik]

And of course, finding a babysitter on Christmas Day would be, well, child's play, wouldn't it?

[Hawkwatcher]

My SIL, who is the sweetest person ever, called me crying and convinced that she was acting horribly.

I actually think that this is the worst part of the story.  While I can understand being shocked and upset by the phone call, I cannot understand why the SIL would allow Laura to convince her that she was a bad person for spending Christmas with her children.  I think that once I got over the shock of the phone call, I would have been furious at Laura for even making such a call.

[Pixie]

In general, I really don't see anything wrong with having a child-free party on Christmas Day. IF most of your circle of friends are child-free singles with no (or little) family in the area, it may even be a good idea.   However, to get angry/offended at a friend for declining the invitation just reeks to me of entitlement and is just flat out RUDE in my opinion.  Politely declining an invitation is not rude, and has never (in my opinion) been grounds to end a friendship.

[Asharah]

   

[Emmy]

In general, I really don't see anything wrong with having a child-free party on Christmas Day. IF most of your circle of friends are child-free singles with no (or little) family in the area, it may even be a good idea.   However, to get angry/offended at a friend for declining the invitation just reeks to me of entitlement and is just flat out RUDE in my opinion.  Politely declining an invitation is not rude, and has never (in my opinion) been grounds to end a friendship.

I agree with this.  Adults that won't be spending Christmas with children may welcome and enjoy a get together on Christmas day.  I think the host was rude for yelling at somebody for not attending her party.  She should expect that people with families are more likely to want to spend Christmas day with them.  I think it was sad the SIL questioned her own behavior (oh how horrid to want to spend Christmas with your children) than realize Laura was a lousy and demanding 'friend'.

[nliedel]

Anyone holding a party on Christmas day and telling people not to bring kids, who have kids, should expect no's. I would assume I was asked as a kindness and send my regrets. I think it's a lovely idea to have an adults party for your adult friends who may not have a family to go to, whether by distance, lack of, or "one more Christmas with Uncle George asking me to pull his finger and I will explode.

However, to call someone with children and tell them are obsessed with their kids because they do not want to leave them on Christmas? Beyond entitled and tacky. OP your sister needs to get some space in this "friendship" because it's very cruel to her.

[snowflake]

While I realize it's sad to not hang out with your friends any more, there needs to be a line drawn.  One of my good friends was complaining to me the other day because our other friend (who gave birth to twins when she already had a two-year-old) was only showing at the weekly girls' night out once every two months.  "It's as if she has to spend most of her time with her children now."  Um, yeah.  That's how it works.  She's going to be short on spare time for the next eighteen years.  If you need to spend more time with her - cook dinner for her or offer to help.

The ironic thing is the same person probably would have been horrified if the same friend had hired a nanny.

[twinkletoes]

While I realize it's sad to not hang out with your friends any more, there needs to be a line drawn.  One of my good friends was complaining to me the other day because our other friend (who gave birth to twins when she already had a two-year-old) was only showing at the weekly girls' night out once every two months.  "It's as if she has to spend most of her time with her children now."  Um, yeah.  That's how it works.  She's going to be short on spare time for the next eighteen years.  If you need to spend more time with her - cook dinner for her or offer to help.

The ironic thing is the same person probably would have been horrified if the same friend had hired a nanny.

I have a friend like yours.  We have a mutual friend with two little kids.  You'd think it was the crime of the century when mutual friend says "sorry, I can't go out that night - I can't get a baby-sitter" or whatever. 

[Asharah]

Hey, my sister brought her new puppy to all the family gatherings this year rather than leave her home alone. It's fine, except she hasn't learned "Don't jump on people" yet.

[Winterlight]

In general, I really don't see anything wrong with having a child-free party on Christmas Day. IF most of your circle of friends are child-free singles with no (or little) family in the area, it may even be a good idea.   However, to get angry/offended at a friend for declining the invitation just reeks to me of entitlement and is just flat out RUDE in my opinion.  Politely declining an invitation is not rude, and has never (in my opinion) been grounds to end a friendship.

I agree. Most of my friends don't have kids and it would be fun to get together on Christmas. However, screaming at someone who declines is horrid.

Hey, my sister brought her new puppy to all the family gatherings this year rather than leave her home alone. It's fine, except she hasn't learned "Don't jump on people" yet.

Being me, I'd probably spend the party playing with the puppy and teaching her not to jump!

[Elfqueen13]

After spending Christmas Day with 5 kids I would be thrilled to attend a no-kids party the day after Christmas, but not on Christmas Day itself.  That's a day for "family" - whether family-of-blood or your family-of-choice (even if that means your roommate and her pet gerbil) - not for leaving kids with a sitter.

[Asharah]

Hey, my sister brought her new puppy to all the family gatherings this year rather than leave her home alone. It's fine, except she hasn't learned "Don't jump on people" yet.

Being me, I'd probably spend the party playing with the puppy and teaching her not to jump!

Well, I was joking that other sis's three-year-old grandaughter now has someone her own age to play with. 

[look in the tunk]

I wonder whatever happened to Laura and if anyone actually came to the party...