Author Topic: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart  (Read 768822 times)

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Bijou

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #165 on: July 23, 2008, 09:53:32 AM »
When a person who shall remain nameless was a baby, she was in her crib and her mother came in to find she had removed her diaper and smeared herself, the crib and walls with wads of brown smelly 'paint'.
Her mom cleaned up the mess, bathed the kid and all was fine, except that she kept smelling this horrible odor.  Finally she looked in the baby's mouth and found the roof caked with the stuff. 
The little kid grew up and had babies and one day the she was outside with her two year old son when company showed up.  She went to check the kid who was playing in a grassy patch and saw he had a gooey black and brown and white glob in his mouth...the yard was overrun by snails and she gasped and everyone came running as she dug the disgusting mess out of his mouth...but it wasn't a snail.  It was a chocolate bonbon with vanilla filling the company had given to him.   :P
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Elisabunny

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #166 on: July 24, 2008, 10:41:10 PM »
When a person who shall remain nameless was a baby, she was in her crib and her mother came in to find she had removed her diaper and smeared herself, the crib and walls with wads of brown smelly 'paint'.
Her mom cleaned up the mess, bathed the kid and all was fine, except that she kept smelling this horrible odor.  Finally she looked in the baby's mouth and found the roof caked with the stuff. 

 :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

When Blessing1 was a baby, her poop generally came out with the force of a high-pressure hose.  One day while DH was in the middle of changing her, she blew, squirting all the way to the wall (diagonal trajectory).  I looked at the mess, then got a tape measure: 52 inches from our darling's bum to the wall.
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amanda_tlg

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #167 on: July 24, 2008, 10:56:17 PM »
I will tell this story on behalf of my Bro, a paramedic. I hear it at least 2-3 x a year, he loves to regale us with it during family gatherings. Having been a Intermediate EMT for 5 years, and a Paramedic for another 4, he has seen and done all manner of things with no big "gross-out" factor. Until....

He was called to the home of an invalid who had been displaying symptoms of a severe gastrointestinal bug for quite a few days. This person had one of those porta-chairs in their bedroom. And it was filled with very liquid-y brown stuff. Bro had to check it for medical reasons (i hope, I can't imagine he'd check it for any other reason). Well, clipped to his shirt pocket were 2 brand new, very expensive medical gadgets. I remember 1 was a special sort of thermometer. Plop. In they went. Bro stood straight up, walked from the room, and called his superior to inform him they were going to have to buy new gadgets. Apparently Superior was not happy about this, complained about budgets and stuff, and commanded Bro to go fetch them.

Bro lost about 5 pounds that week.

This, actually, is one of Bro's more tame stories.  :o

vorbau

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #168 on: July 25, 2008, 09:34:39 PM »

[/quote]

 :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

When Blessing1 was a baby, her poop generally came out with the force of a high-pressure hose.  One day while DH was in the middle of changing her, she blew, squirting all the way to the wall (diagonal trajectory).  I looked at the mess, then got a tape measure: 52 inches from our darling's bum to the wall.

[/quote]

We used to call that Sudden Butt Explosion Disorder...
Let's roll. (And you can't scare me; I've had teenagers.)

kingsrings

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #169 on: July 28, 2008, 06:43:17 PM »
....or poop bombs. And I've heard that sometimes they explode everywhere, including up at your mouth.  :P

jpcher

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #170 on: July 28, 2008, 09:17:35 PM »
I can't believe that I've actually read these stories . . . ewww! (but so funny, because , well, because "stuff" happens!)

DD#2 was induced. The evening before, LDH said "let's go out to dinner . . . where would you like to go?"

Knowing that I would not be able to go out to dinner for a while, I picked my favoritest of all time mexican resteraunt. You know, beans, peppers, salsa . . . all the good stuff.

I still have a hard time forgiving my LDH when, throughout the years that followed, his favorite party story was . . .

When the Dr. said "PUSH" . . . I think you get the picture.

vorbau

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #171 on: July 29, 2008, 01:09:02 AM »
I have a squirrel one.
WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF STOMACH. INVOLVES MULTIPLE BODY FLUIDS FROM MULTIPLE SPECIES.

My former partner (I'm in law enforcement) and I are both forensic specialists, so pretty used to our share of ook, goo and yuck. Our DHs both relied on us to handle any "nasty bits," despite her DH being an MD and mine a former sailor.

JM, my partner, was using a room in their basement as a study and began smelling something, ah, distinctive to people in our line of work. I agreed to come over that weekend and help her track it down, as we were fairly sure something had died in the basement - we were just hoping that it wasn't actually inside a wall.

It wasn't - it was in the chimney. THEY were in the chimney. A nest of squirrels, all very dead, and for long enough to reach the, umm, mushy stage. JM, who is taller, could not get her arm far enough up into the chimney to collect the corpses. After a little experimentation, I discovered that I (who am quite small) could get *inside* the fireplace and sort of half-stand, half-crouch and reach up far enough to grab them. So I started retrieving bodies and dropping them in the bucket JM had at my feet. Until...

Something, I think either a mouse or a bat, startled me. I reflexively flinched and sort of straightened, banging my head HARD on the chimney opening and simultaneously flailing my arms around. As I did so, my hand apparently caught the last of the squirrels and knocked them off the ledge they'd died on, whereupon dead squirrels, bits of dead squirrels and assorted effluvia landed squarely on my head. I backed out hastily, and of course tripped over the bucket, spilling its contents all over the floor. JM came running to help, slipped in the mess, and landed flat on her back in the middle of the ... squirrel puddle. Our DHs came downstairs to find us liberally slathered in squirrel juices, me swearing a blue streak and JM making a sort of wheeze/gasp/laugh noise. Both DHs instantly got sick, my DH making it only as far as the stairs before losing lunch, and her DH making it at least outside the basement sliding door before heaving.

We all four went outside, stripped naked, and washed ourselves down with the garden hose and a bar of soap, despite it being November and about 38 degrees (I don't think - I hope - any neighbors were watching). Then JM and I suited up like in our crime scene gear - disposable jumpsuit w/hood, shower cap, rubber boots, gloves, goggles, face mask, armed ourselves with a shopvac, bleach, Simple Green, Nature's Miracle, rubbing alcohol, betadine, ammonia, vinegar and anything else that sounded good, taped our gloves to our sleeves and our cuffs to our boots, and cleaned everything up. We put everything, including the ShopVac, our clothes, and our crime scene suits, in trash bags, put the bags in more trash bags, and set them inside sealed trash cans for DHs to haul to the dump.

Meantime, the guys went and took showers. Wimps! We demanded they take us out to dinner in exchange for their not having to deal with the "nasty bits." They did, after they went to the dump and then came home and took additional showers.

Vorbau

PS I forgot - at one point, while I was scooping squirrel bits out of the chimney, I asked JM if she had some kind of tongs or something that I could use to reach the more distant casualties. She hollered up the stairs to her DH to bring some down - she meant the ones they used on the BBQ, reasoning that those could go in the dishwasher or just be thrown out. Instead, her DH apparently couldn't find the ones she meant, and brought down a pair of antique sterling silver salad tongs. She looked at me, I looked at her, and we both burst out laughing - then she handed me the tongs and I used them to grab the bits I couldn't reach. We washed them down in bleach and rubbing alcohol before bagging them up and taking them to work to run them through the autoclave. Later that month, we had a joint Thanksgiving dinner at her house, and she asked me to go get the "squirrel tongs." I'm sure her extended family STILL wonders what had us laughing like loons.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2008, 08:35:26 PM by vorbau »
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hot_shaker

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #172 on: August 01, 2008, 05:46:24 PM »
JM came running to help, slipped in the squirrels, and landed flat on her back in the middle of the ... squirrel puddle.

I know it's wrong and probably speaks volume about my mental state, but I find the phrase "squirrel puddle" to be very amusing. 

You are one tough lady!

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living in the Mid-West.

KCee

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #173 on: August 01, 2008, 05:52:56 PM »
Vorbau:

What a crazy story. I'd like you to know that you are my new hero and I will recall this story anytime I have to do something "gross" as inspiration.  :)

kingsrings

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #174 on: August 01, 2008, 06:16:26 PM »
Vorbau, that story wins first prize in all categories!!  ;D

It's funny, I have also heard of other situations where tongs were used to dispose of dead animals. Guess they have multiple uses....

Punky B.

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #175 on: August 01, 2008, 08:33:30 PM »
*raises hand*

I have a dead animal story, but unfortunately there are no squirrel puddles.  :)

When I was a kid I lived in Germany, and apparently birds hate their young there- there would be little featherless bird blobs everywhere on the sidewalk.  I was about 9, and my friends and I would run around barefoot when our moms weren't looking.

One day we were running across a grassy field when I realised my foot had gotten a little heavier.  I looked down and it looked like there was a little wet string across my foot.  Confused, I lifted my foot to look under...

It was a dead baby bird, guts out, clinging to my toe by its intestine.  :-X

I kicked my foot really hard in a panic, and it flew off- into the hair of my friend, who had come back to see what the holdup was.  She screamed and ran away, flinging her hair around.  I ran for the nearest hose.

I wore shoes after that.

VorFemme

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #176 on: August 02, 2008, 12:18:36 AM »
I was reading an article about a guy who had hundreds of bees living in his walls.
 
He noticed a strange substance seeping from his walls and he found out it was honey when he tasted it!

I can just imagine the conversation:

"Hey honey, there's some sort of weird stuff oozing out of the wall here."
"What do you think it is?"
"I don't know, should I touch it?"
"No, don't do that, you don't know what it could be.  Let me come and taste it, that'll solve the mystery!"
 ???



Two years ago, DS asked me what the substance was that was sitting on the rocking chair.....under a light that had been on for two hours.  We looked up and whatever it was, it was DRIPPING from the recessed light fixture and there was a brown STAIN on the ceiling.....

Turned out to be honey - seventy pounds of wax & honey were removed (along with wax beetle larvae and other bugs that were killing the hive, keeping the number of bees too small to keep up with the WORK of repairing the honeycomb).  There was a lot of poison sprayed in the cavity between first & second floor to kill off the bees, the beetles, and whatever else was up there...........

And I still ended up making the hole bigger to scrape more wax out of the area by the light fixture - beeswax BURNS!

But nobody tried tasting the stuff!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

snowflake

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #177 on: August 02, 2008, 02:08:22 AM »
The worst stomach flu.

I came home from working thinking that I was just hungry from not eating lunch.  I made myself a sandwich, took one bite and...

WARNING GROSS.

It was so fast and violent, I had to throw up in a sink full of dishes.  I was young and messy and so was my roommate.  Imagine four days' worth of dishes and then they are vomit-laced.

IT GETS GROSSER.

I realized I wasn't done so I ran for the bathroom.  I had to literally hold my next one in so it didn't get on the carpet.  But by the time I got to the toilet, my fingers were slimy with vomit and the toilet seat was closed.  I couldn't get it open so I was wrestling with the toilet seat while puking my guts out.  I ended up on the floor having dry heaves with my stomach trying to get rid of more.

My roommate came in and said, "Are you OK?"

Believe it or not, I said "Yes."  Instinct I guess.

Then I had to clean it up.  I could not stop puking when I did it.  Luckily there was nothing else to come out.  To this day, I cannot eat rye bread.  That's what the sandwich was on.

vorbau

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #178 on: August 02, 2008, 03:13:09 AM »
Snowflake, I hear you. I had salmonella food poisoning once (bad Mexican food, whole different level of BAD). I was in bed asleep when the first round hit. After emptying various orifices in the bathroom, I staggered back to bed. I'd left a glass of iced tea on my bedside table and drank it down, being dehydrated. Then...it set me off again.

It was YEARS before I could have iced tea again! And I'm a "southrun" gal.

I also had a dress that, it seemed, every time I wore it I got food poisoning or the stomach flu. Finally I gave it to a coworker (who I didn't really like, but it fit her - sizewise, I mean >:D).

Vorbau

PS glad you all liked the squirrel puddles! I have another one but it involves body parts and a county landfill, so might be a bit much. (Actually I have a lot of them - occupational hazard.)
Let's roll. (And you can't scare me; I've had teenagers.)

bionelly

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #179 on: August 02, 2008, 05:33:09 AM »
As far as stomach flu goes, let's just say now I know better than to watch Alien when I'm home sick with it.  :-X

Oddly enough though, either my stomach toughened up after that, or I'm just not affected by some things that gross others out.  A few years later, I had the flu again while we were dissecting pigs in Biology.  It was a big part of the grade, and I couldn't put it off until I felt better. (Really gross part starts here.)Well, apparently it was the teacher's first time with that dissection, and she made a slight mistake when she was telling us what to do with the brains, which basically made them all into soupy messes.  She still wanted us to make the best of it, though, so we had to scoop out half of the brain with our fingers, then label what was left as best we could.  Everybody was pretty squicked out by that, but we didn't really have any other option at that point.  Amazingly, even though I had a stomach bug at the time, I was able to do it without any problem.  I still don't know how I managed it.  Probably mainly by having already gotten everything out of my stomach.