Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart

[mechtilde]

What's worse than finding a dead mouse lying on your trousers?

Half a dead mouse lying on your trousers!

[Midnight Kitty]

What's worse than finding a dead mouse lying on your trousers?

Half a dead mouse lying on your trousers!

And the corollary:

What's worse than finding a cockroach in your pork hash?

Finding half a cockroach in your pork hash!

(been there, done that, retched my guts out & didn't eat pork hash for a couple years)

[Rei-chan]

Midnight Kitty, my Dad told me once that he had a similar experience with canned BBQ, except it was a rat's tail, right on top when he opened the can......

[Fabrashamx]

 Okay, when I told my husband this first one, he wouldnt kiss me for about a month lol

 I was the youngest of 4 kids. Once we were on vacation and had stopped for gas. For some reason, I was allowed to use the restroom alone, even though I was only about 4 and my mom usually came with me spraying lysol on everything she saw.

As I was washing my hands, I saw it. on the floor. a party horn! I put it in my mouth and went back to the car, tooting happily. I climb in the back seat and my sister is staring at me with a weird look on her face. she says 'mommmm look at what Lainey has in her mouth,please'.

 Next thing I know, I was whisked out of the car by my mother, who has slapped my cool new party horn out of my mouth and is screaming for my sister to get the listerine out of the suitcases. she poured it all over my head and made me drink some.

I was a tampon applicator. Why did I think it was a party horn? partly the shape and partly because I could see 'lipstick' where some one had tooted it before me! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This next one happened many years later. One of my dear friends at the time was a sweet mormon lady who had 6, count them, 6 sons, ranging in age from about 13 to about 3. My own sons at the time were in grade school, and one summer we decided to take all the kids camping for a week, and have our hubbys join us on the first and last weekends.
 This was about the third day, we decided to hike the trail that went around the lake. The trail was kind of on a hill, so we looked down a slope at the lake and peoples campsites.

 We came around a curve and saw the young lady. we could see her family in their campsite, she had walked up hill to do her business, and was hiding behind a tree, pants around her ankles, pooping, and peeking back at her family to make sure no one was coming. Here we were, 10 feet above and behind her, with what could only be her worst nightmare, 8 boys who see her and begin to fall about laughing. we were trying to hush the boys and move them away from the poor girl.

 She shot us a look of purest horror and began to kind of crab walk around the tree to hide. Then I saw it. the sign.

what did it say, you ask?

'View point #2. No Dumping'

I LOST it. I was laughing harder than the boys and couldnt walk. The girl got her pants up and fled, and my friend dragged us all away giving me looks of deep disappointment. when I pointed out the sign, even she had to giggle. The boys still talk about 'view point #2'.

[Bibliophile]

I was a tampon applicator. Why did I think it was a party horn? partly the shape and partly because I could see 'lipstick' where some one had tooted it before me! 

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  I hope she used lots of Listerine!!!

[Bibliophile]

erm - yep.    That and more (I told you it was gross! ).  Hospital said it was some kind of 24 hour flu-bug (they didnt really know), because I woke up the next day fine (a little weak, but ok). 

I had that a few months ago...  I was up all night puking into the toilet when before I knew it, I had to clean up the floor behind me...  I then switched to sitting on the toilet and puking into a bucket.  My DH slept through the whole thing and I was too embarassed to wake him.  I didn't tell him why I didn't want to take the bathroom rug when we moved...

[DrinkingTea (was Sneezy)]

My first day of waitressing alone, I was called over to a table by a very snotty woman who had been giving us all grief since she walked in the door.  She thrust a plate of eggs benedict at me and said, 'Take this away!'  I grabbed the plate, since it was airborne right then and I didn't want it to go all over the place.

It was not eggs benedict.  It was a two egg breakfast that her seven year old son had puked on. 

She demanded a fresh breakfast and 25% taken off of her bill for a party of four.  She did not, however, tend to her sick son in any way, shape, or form that any of us could detect.  Lovely.

I don't remember if the manager gave her the discount, but I got brownie points with the busboy when I scraped that plate and put it on the rack to save him from having to deal with it.  I figured if I was already holding the plate and was contaminated, no sense in making someone else suffer.

At another job, I worked at the best place in the city for a certain type of cuisine.  Unfortunately, the only soap in the place was the pink stuff for the coffee pots.  It wasn't a good place to work for many reasons, but my gross out moment was when I had to pull vegetables out of the cooler.  The fridge was in a room that had no light since the fuse blew years ago and there was no light in the fridge.  He bought in bulk because it was cheaper, so putting my hand into the cooler in the dark was pretty gross.  I learned there that tomatoes can grow three or more types of mold, all on top of one another and that lettuce can liquefy into a blue sludge.  He would cut off the gross stuff and serve the rest.  The health inspector would come in periodically and he'd pay the inspector off. 

[hermanne]

At another job, I worked at the best place in the city for a certain type of cuisine.  Unfortunately, the only soap in the place was the pink stuff for the coffee pots.  It wasn't a good place to work for many reasons, but my gross out moment was when I had to pull vegetables out of the cooler.  The fridge was in a room that had no light since the fuse blew years ago and there was no light in the fridge.  He bought in bulk because it was cheaper, so putting my hand into the cooler in the dark was pretty gross.  I learned there that tomatoes can grow three or more types of mold, all on top of one another and that lettuce can liquefy into a blue sludge.  He would cut off the gross stuff and serve the rest.  The health inspector would come in periodically and he'd pay the inspector off. 

Um, please tell me this guy's not in business anymore... 

[DrinkingTea (was Sneezy)]

Um, please tell me this guy's not in business anymore... 

No, he ended up retiring about five years after I quit.  People still lament that place closing.

[Schmoopie3928]

As most of you may know, the local slug forces are attempting to push forward their frontier into our house.

The other night, I heard the cat hacking in the living-room. I went in - cat was fine, but he'd been sick on the carpet. "Oh dear, poor baby, are you alright? Good! Eww...Mum'll just clean this up..."

DF comes downstairs asking if he can help. I say no, bend down to the mess, and:

"EWW! There's a WHOLE SLUG in here!" Well, that explains a lot.

It gets worse.

DF makes a move to get the cat litter (to pour over the mess to blot up the fluid element, so to speak, before sweeping and scrubbing), and suddenly says, "Sara, don't step backwards."

I turn round.

Inches behind my left foot is the largest dead mouse I have ever seen in my life. Broken neck, bloodied fur, the full works.

I give vent to an ear-shattering squeal (look, I can handle live ones, just not...the other sort), jump with shock and ALMOST tread in the slug-vomit mess, DF jumps too at the noise, and cat leaps yowling out of window convinced we're crazy.

Saint DF disposes of dead rodent and I clear up the slug. Cat slinks back shamefacedly 2 hours later.

DF points out that it's good practice for if we ever have kids.

I point out that if I ever have slug-devouring, mouse-slaughtering children, our priest will be on speed-dial for fast and rigorous exorcisms.

OW! My cheeks hurt! I can't....stop......laughing!!  CRUD MONKEYS! CRUD MONKEYS! CRUD MONKEYS!!! 

[Schmoopie3928]

So when my brother was a teenager he had acne. not horrible...but once in a while he'd get a doozy. Being his sister, I could deal with popping them for him on occasion. Once he had a huge one in his ear. It hurt him like heck and was driving my mom and I nuts looking at it. So one day, we hold him down and tell him it HAS to go! so mom brings me tweezers, and alcohol, and tissues! he puts his head in my lap and I'm ready to go. I barely touch the thing when it explodes! I heard it snap about 3 times and in my shock of course, my mouth falls open! Yep. Pus flies on my chin and in my mouth! Needless to say I never popped a zit on him again! Thank got hes 23 now and has clear skin!

Don't get me started on a HUGE blackhead a friend had on the back of his neck! I don't know if I can handle that one right now.

[hermanne]

When DH and I first moved into our current home it took him a little while to adjust. In the middle of the night he wouldn't wake all the way up before getting up to use the restroom and he'd think we were still at our old place. One night he peed in a corner in the hall, another night it was the closet that got it. I was glad when he finally adjusted to the move.

My brother did something like that when he was little.

His bedroom at the time was directly across the hall from the bathroom. But to get from his bedroom door to the bathroom one had to step across the top landing for the stairs leading downstairs to the living room. My brother would also sleep-walk on occasion...

One night after we were put to bed and my parents were downstairs, my mom heard water running. She and my dad looked, and there was my brother at the top of the stairs; half-asleep, pants down, scratching his behind, and peeing down the stairs. 

Oh, my, what to do! Mom and dad didn't want to yell at him, he might get scared and fall down the stairs. On the other hand they didn't want to go up and get sprayed by his waterfall! 

What mom finally did was to go part-way up the stairs and call his name gently but firmly. It woke him up enough to realize what he was doing!

My brother gets a doopy grin every time my mom tells the story. 

(When my parents re-modeled the house, the moved the doors so they weren't across from each other anymore.)

[Sandi Papaya]

We have an ant problem every summer. A few summers ago, it got so bad that you couldn't walk two feet without stepping on ants - usually we could just spray the ants and set up some ant traps and they'd go away. Not so that year (we ended up having to call an exterminator, because they'd go away for a couple of days, then come back again, and in greater numbers).

Anyway, one day I had brought a Coke back to my room and set it on my nightstand. I went to take a sip...and found my mouth and  tongue coated in horrible, pinching, painful things...ANTS!

They'd gotten onto my bedside table and crawled up into my glass of Coke. I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and spit the ants out as best I could. Ick!!

[White Dragon]

As my 15 yo DD found out last week...

What's worse than finding a dead mouse on your bedroom floor?

Finding half a mouse!

Thank you kitty cat! NOT!

[Midnight Kitty]

I have a rodent/cat horror story from back when I lived in Northern California in a suburban single family detached house.  We had 3 female cats and a cat door so they could go in & out at will.  Usually "gifts" of dead rodents were left outside on the stoop.  One morning I awoke to a scene from a horror flick:  Blood streaking the bottom 3 feet of my walls.  Yep, the girls caught a baby squirrel and brought it inside to torture it.  The squirrel was larger than the mice they usually caught & killed quickly.  They were able to maim the squirrel, but not disable or kill it, so it ran around the house, climbing the walls trying to get out/away.

Poor little squirrel

We also had a female dog.  GingerBear was a Golden Retriever/White Shepard mix with severe hip dysplasia.  One morning I came out to find the dog laying down in the hallway with her head on her front paws and 3 cats lined up around her in an arc.  I lifted her head to find a live mouse cuddled in there.  Yep, the dog was protecting the mouse from those vicious cats.  That would be the soft-mouthed Golden half.  A month or so later, we saw the "other half" come out.

GingerBear liked to go visit our horses, especially at feeding time because she loved the omaline mix (grain with molasses).  My mare, Foxy Lady, didn't mind sharing her grain with GB.  GB, however, drew the line at sharing grain with mice.  I opened the grain barrel & found a mouse in there.  I threw the barrel down on its side and the mouse ran out.  GB snapped that mouse up & broke its neck in a split second.  That would be the Shepard half.  Then she dug frantically at the stable foundation until she unearthed the mouse nest with nearly a dozen baby mice.  As those baby mice fled the nest, GB whirled and snapped, catching and killing all the baby mice before they could escape.  For a dog crippled by hip dysplasia, it was an impressive demonstration.

The way I see it, GingerBear was good with small children and small, defenseless creatures, hence her protection of the mouse in the hallway.  Then she saw the mouse eating HER grain and her perspective changed.  From then on, she was the best mouser, even crippled and unable to run.  I took her with me almost everywhere.  When I didn't have her, people would ask for her & say "be sure you bring Ginger next time."  Especially the feed store.  They wouldn't sell me hay or grain unless I brought her along.  They said she was a better mouser than any cat because she didn't play around.  Cats like to trap the mouse & play with it (aka torture it to death).  Ginger went into killer mode.  No blood involved.  She could snap their necks with a jerk of her head.