As most of you may know, the local slug forces are attempting to push forward their frontier into our house.
The other night, I heard the cat hacking in the living-room. I went in - cat was fine, but he'd been sick on the carpet. "Oh dear, poor baby, are you alright? Good! Eww...Mum'll just clean this up..."
DF comes downstairs asking if he can help. I say no, bend down to the mess, and:
"EWW! There's a WHOLE SLUG in here!"
Well, that explains a lot.
It gets worse.
DF makes a move to get the cat litter (to pour over the mess to blot up the fluid element, so to speak, before sweeping and scrubbing), and suddenly says, "Sara, don't step backwards."
I turn round.
Inches behind my left foot is the largest dead mouse I have ever
seen in my life
Broken neck, bloodied fur, the full works.
I give vent to an ear-shattering squeal
(look, I can handle live ones, just not...the other sort), jump with shock and ALMOST tread in the slug-vomit mess, DF jumps too at the noise, and cat leaps yowling out of window convinced we're crazy.
Saint DF disposes of dead rodent and I clear up the slug. Cat slinks back shamefacedly 2 hours later.
DF points out that it's good practice for if we ever have kids.
I point out that if I ever have slug-devouring, mouse-slaughtering children, our priest will be on speed-dial for fast and rigorous exorcisms.