Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart

[White Dragon]

My coworker (Reid) suffed an unfortunate mishap last night.

While an unruly patron was being asked to leave a bar, Reid had the misfortune to choose that moment to get up from his table and walk past the "gentleman" who was being escorted out.
Unruly Patron grabbed him, smashed his knee into Reid's forhead and then bounced Reid's head off of a table. 

Reid didn't realize he'd been injured until the bartender said "Since when does Superman have fake blood?"
Reid replied "I don't have any fake blood."
Bartender "Then what's that on your chin?"
Reid had a 1 1/2" long split in his scalp, right at the hairline (which had run down his face. Ironically, it being a Halloween event, no one took much notice of the blood until the bartender brought it up.  )

The result of the evenings festivities was that Reid had a long conversation with the police, charges are pending against UP, and Reid got to visit the ER.

At the ER, they fast-tracked Reid when they found out he had a 6 hour drive home still and the weather was worsening.
So they held off stitching him up, deciding that if he went to a clinic as soon as he got home, it would be fine.

So Reid drove home and went to the clinic this morning. He now has 3 stitches in his forehead.

He was telling us about this at lunch (while showing us pictures of the pre-stiched gap - isn't he a nice fellow?  ) and one of the staff pointed out that he's got quite the goose-egg.

He poked the now-substantial lump. It's not a goose egg. It's not tender and it's not firm.
It's squishy.

We told him to get it looked at. He argued.
He finally agreed that at 4 pm, he'd show it to me and if it was still getting worse, he'd go back to the clinic.

At 4 pm, the swelling was nearly down to his eyebrows. He went to check on it and said "Um...yeah. I'm going to go back to the clinic now. There's yellow pus oozing out of the stitches..."

I expect that Reid will come in tomorrow with the stitches removed and replaced with something that can drain.

And to make things even more fun, our staff photos-for-the-new-web-page are being taken this week.
I am threatening to provide him with a flowered scarf to cover the wound. 

[mmswm]

Just a tiny little gross out...I was over at the stable Tuesday and had just fed a horse treat to our big Shire. These treats are compressed pellets of hay and berries & stuff. 

Oh-h-h, are those Berry Good horse treats?  Those are Misty's favorites.

Turk was happily munching on the treat and had a nice BIIIIIIG long slobber hanging from his mouth when he turned his head and the slobber goober came right across my face.  Yeeeccccchhhh.

(Horses have a thing for slobber.  This same horse has dribbled it down my cleavage, blown his nose in my face, blown his nose on the back of my legs while I was wearing shorts, wiped his alfalfa drool covered mouth on my white shirt....The list is endless.)

Novalee is Turk's Sister in Slobber.  She's over 17 years old and "leaks" a bit at both ends.  Her lower lip hangs loose most of the time and she drools all over us.  She loves to spray me by blowing her nose all over me.  Misty has wiped her nose on the back of my shirt after sneezing, just like a little kid.  We have no white shirts; Only shirts that used to be white and are now retired to "horse duty."

He also passes gas in my face when I'm brushing out or braiding his tail.  Sigh....

Both Misty and Novalee fart in my face when I clean their hooves and brush their tails.  I know they do it on purpose.  I suspect they think it's funny.

lol

Horses sound like a hoot.

Neigh, owls sound like a hoot.  Horses sound a lot like  small child or a 14 year old boy.

Hmmm, I don't know about the 14 year old boy bit.  I have an almost-13-year-old boy, and I'm living with friends who have 4 horse.  Though, I do think they act an awful lot alike.

[ladyknight1]

I've been having problems with our family dog digging diapers out of the trash and devouring them in the backyard. So, in playing on Google, I came across this: http://www.k9station.com/articles/poopeaters.htm Scroll all the way to the bottom, the paragraph that begins "An anecdote...do not read if you have a weak stomach..." It's about a poop eating dog, which is bad enough, but then it gets worse.

Oh my...hahaha.  I have a strong stomach, but that may have made me lose it outside just like the author.

I've had to clean up messes like that on multiple occasions - when the dog cleared out the kitty litter box after it had been amply used.  I generally just go ahead and throw up into the trash can though.  Thankfully, my current cat litter choice seems to deter the dog from consuming the litter box contents...

DH has dubbed those "Rice Kitty Treats". 

[atirial]

(Wasn't sure if this fitted better in Dear Cat, or here, but given the subject)

Dear Stephen,

You kitten of unknown origin!

Yes when you came up and gave me head bonks, purring contentedly, I did reach down and stroke you. And I did notice the slightly muffled purr and the piece of fluff on your whisker. So I reached down and pulled it off.

It wasn't fluff.  It was half a spider. The other half was being chewed.

Mummy went upstairs and tried to bleach her hand. Daddy took a look and said that even though he didn't mind spiders, this was truly gross.

Stop looking smug, cat. I'm beginning to think you did that deliberately.

With deep suspicion,
your long suffering staff

[RingTailedLemur]

And to make things even more fun, our staff photos-for-the-new-web-page are being taken this week.
I am threatening to provide him with a flowered scarf to cover the wound. 

Ha ha ha!!!

[readingchick]

Dear Stephen,

You kitten of unknown origin!

Yes when you came up and gave me head bonks, purring contentedly, I did reach down and stroke you. And I did notice the slightly muffled purr and the piece of fluff on your whisker. So I reached down and pulled it off.

It wasn't fluff.  It was half a spider. The other half was being chewed.

Mummy went upstairs and tried to bleach her hand. Daddy took a look and said that even though he didn't mind spiders, this was truly gross.

Stop looking smug, cat. I'm beginning to think you did that deliberately.

With deep suspicion,
your long suffering staff

Dear Mummy,

I was trying to be a good kitty by protecting you from that nasty spider. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

Regards,
Stephen

[CrochetFanatic]

This one popped into my head as I was fixing my lunch, and it put me off my sandwich.

I was babysitting my little cousin, and I was giving her her lunch in her high chair while my uncle, home for lunch, was making himself a peanut butter sandwich.  He dropped the slice of bread he was smearing peanut butter on, and it landed peanut butter side down (of course) on their kitchen floor.  They don't keep the cleanest house, and there was visible dirt and pet hair on the spot where the bread landed, so it never entered my mind that he would do what he did.  He picked up the piece of bread (and I could see things sticking to the peanut butter), and instead of throwing it away and starting over, he finished making his sandwich and took a bite out of it.  When I expressed disgust, he shrugged and said, "A little dirt never hurt anyone."

It's not just germs; it was visible dirt!  I just could not get past that.

[Barensaunt]

My mother had what I can only call "skin balls" in her scalp.  One day she asked me to take a look at one of them.  It looked like the roller ball on a deodorant stick.  So, out of curiosity, I took a needle and inserted it into the ball and flicked it out of her scalp, then cut it in half to reveal a dry, powdery substance inside.

That is so weird!  I wonder if it was dandruff build-up that hardened on the outside?

Sounds more like plaque psoriasis on her scalp....maybe eczema.  My bother gets them sometimes....they are weird.  If he doesn't have the stuff from the dermatologist, he said T-gel works almost as well at getting ridding of them...I prefer MG217 over T-gel myself (it smells worse, but works better IMO).

It wasn't any of the above.  She had these cysts that usually the doctor would have to cut out, but this particular one had somehow moved to just under the skin, and somehow made it to the surface.  It was about 1/4" round and was rubbery, like skin.

[Barensaunt]

As most of you may know, the local slug forces are attempting to push forward their frontier into our house.

The other night, I heard the cat hacking in the living-room. I went in - cat was fine, but he'd been sick on the carpet. "Oh dear, poor baby, are you alright? Good! Eww...Mum'll just clean this up..."

DF comes downstairs asking if he can help. I say no, bend down to the mess, and:

"EWW! There's a WHOLE SLUG in here!" Well, that explains a lot.

It gets worse.

DF makes a move to get the cat litter (to pour over the mess to blot up the fluid element, so to speak, before sweeping and scrubbing), and suddenly says, "Sara, don't step backwards."

I turn round.

Inches behind my left foot is the largest dead mouse I have ever seen in my life. Broken neck, bloodied fur, the full works.

I give vent to an ear-shattering squeal (look, I can handle live ones, just not...the other sort), jump with shock and ALMOST tread in the slug-vomit mess, DF jumps too at the noise, and cat leaps yowling out of window convinced we're crazy.

Saint DF disposes of dead rodent and I clear up the slug. Cat slinks back shamefacedly 2 hours later.

DF points out that it's good practice for if we ever have kids.

I point out that if I ever have slug-devouring, mouse-slaughtering children, our priest will be on speed-dial for fast and rigorous exorcisms.

  If it is possible to gag and laugh at the same time, I am doing it after reading this!!!  My story is similar, but not nearly as bad.  I happened to notice one of the cats sitting outside of the sliding door recently.   I started to open the door when I realized that a gecko's tail had just disappeared into her mouth and that she was happily munching away.  I decided she could finish her snack outside, and tried to dismiss it from my mind. Later DH was in his recliner near the door, noticed she wanted in so he opened the door for her.  A couple of seconds later he yelled that she was getting sick.  I was on the phone with DD but  indicated to DH that I would clean it up.  Keeping in mind that DD has a very sensitive stomach and over active gag reflex, I didn't want her to know what I was doing.  So much for that because when I started to clean it up there was the gecko accompanied by the most horrendous smell.  I could not control a couple of gags after which DD said, "are you throwing up?" followed by a couple of gags of her own.  I looked at DH hoping he would offer to take over, but then I remembered he was in pain and under Dr's orders to keep his foot elevated.  Each time I tried to proceed I gagged which was followed by more gagging by DD.  In between gags DD is saying are you OK? In between gags I'm choking out "yes".  I finally said hang on, sprayed Resolve on the remaining mess, covered it with paper towels, and dispensed the half chewed gecko into the garbage.   When I picked up the phone again, in a different room away from the offensive spot and smell, DD said, "I don't want to know".  I replied, "No you don't".  In the future when this cat has a gecko snack, I'm calling in reinforcements! 

[greencat]

I generally find it wise to leave the cat who has had a live snack outside for at least four hours following or else I will end up cleaning up whatever they ate. 

Also, if I see the cat eating grass, it gets to stay outside for at least another half hour.

[Elfmama]

In the future when this cat has a gecko snack, I'm calling in reinforcements!

But did the cat save 15% on his car insurance? 

[ladyknight1]

In the future when this cat has a gecko snack, I'm calling in reinforcements!

But did the cat save 15% on his car insurance? 

  Bwah-ha!

[VorFemme]

In the future when this cat has a gecko snack, I'm calling in reinforcements!

But did the cat save 15% on his car insurance? 

Not after eating the employee who was HELPING him get the quote! 

[Barensaunt]

I generally find it wise to leave the cat who has had a live snack outside for at least four hours following or else I will end up cleaning up whatever they ate. 

Also, if I see the cat eating grass, it gets to stay outside for at least another half hour.

Good Ideas! If I observe her eat snack while out there, I hope I remember to leave a notice on the door for DH.  She's a senior cat, so cleaning up after her sensitive stomach is a daily occurence, but that one was just awful!

[Black Delphinium]

I learned something the other day: The Red Velvet Cupcakes at Starbucks are delicious, but will scare the heck out of you later, when your poop is blood red.