Author Topic: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart  (Read 699326 times)

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ladyknight1

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3600 on: January 31, 2013, 08:26:07 AM »
snip
my brother cried out from the other end of the house, "Aw, P.U.!  You got a demon in there?!" 

Excuse me while I go and search for my dignity.  :-[

Your dignity has left the building. You made me feel better, thank you.

mmswm

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3601 on: January 31, 2013, 11:46:10 AM »
My favorite fart story ever, courtesy of my father....

My father was transferred to corporate headquarters for a few years.  He worked on the 35th floor of a 45 story building.  The CEO's office was on the top floor.  One morning, my father got to work pretty early.  It was early enough that the normally full elevators were nearly empty.  In that building, like in other tall buildings, the elevators were split between cars that serviced the lower floors and the cars that serviced the upper floors.  So, my father is waiting for one of the cars that would go to floors 30-45.  There was a well dressed man waiting with him.  The elevator came and both men got on.  Almost the second the elevator doors closed, my father passed a fart that would make any frat boy proud.  My father said the stench was so bad that he wanted to cry.  And he was stuck inside a closed elevator going up 35 floors.  That was not the worst part.  The worst part was that his elevator companion was the CEO. 

Several years later there was an emergency situation in which the company decided that they needed my father on site as fast as possible, so fast, in fact, that the CEO sent his own driver and car to pick him up and take him to the airport where he boarded the CEO's private jet.  The CEO would be coming along.  When the two men got into the car, the CEO looked at him and said "I'm so glad to be formally introduced to you!"  Yup, he never forgot the award-winning elevator fart.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3602 on: January 31, 2013, 03:30:54 PM »
So my youngest kid is sick with...something.  It's purely gastro and I'm praying it's not Norovirus.

Anyway, I discovered this the other night when she upchucked her entire dinner and snack all over my shirt.  I also discovered that girlfriend needs to start chewing her food.  I could practically count how many blueberries she ate for her evening snack.  But I managed to catch most of it with my shirt and very little went anywhere else.  Mom for the win!

But since these things tend to give generously, every time I eat something I think about whether or not I'm going to see it again and if so, how's it gonna taste on the return trip?

kitkatswing

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3603 on: January 31, 2013, 10:21:25 PM »
My husband reminded me of my favourite fart story from about 7 months ago... I don't know what I had eaten that day, but I woke up in the middle of the night and let one rip, it stunk... Bad..

So bad that my husband woke up and started having a go at the dog.... It took every single ounce of self control to keep myself still and pretend to be asleep and not laugh..

It wasnt until about a week later that I fessed up that it was me and not the dog and that I was awake :)

CuriousParty

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3604 on: January 31, 2013, 10:32:01 PM »
So my youngest kid is sick with...something.  It's purely gastro and I'm praying it's not Norovirus.

Anyway, I discovered this the other night when she upchucked her entire dinner and snack all over my shirt.  I also discovered that girlfriend needs to start chewing her food.  I could practically count how many blueberries she ate for her evening snack.  But I managed to catch most of it with my shirt and very little went anywhere else.  Mom for the win!

But since these things tend to give generously, every time I eat something I think about whether or not I'm going to see it again and if so, how's it gonna taste on the return trip?

DD got hit last weekend, and I was very cautious about what I ate for several days. Unfortunately, just as I was feeling hopeful that we had escaped the usual round robin..last night happened. I'm firmly in bed and my DH is looking at me side-eyed. Sigh.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3605 on: February 01, 2013, 12:14:46 AM »
Best wishes for the recovery of all of you facing the stomach ick.  :(


Yesterday, I was walking into the shop with a few of the guys. I was the last one through the door. I was brave enough to let a little toot, thinking that since no one was behind me, I would be safe.

A few students were standing around one of the trucks in the middle of the shop, and I walked through the group to the other side of the shop. All of a sudden, someone yells "OH MY GOSH! WHO FARTED"???? They all start blaming each other. Nobody accuses me.

Yes, I totally got away with crop dusting an entire shop full of guys.  8)

I never did own up to it. I should have though.


Xandraea

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3606 on: February 01, 2013, 09:47:45 AM »
Best wishes for the recovery of all of you facing the stomach ick.  :(


Yesterday, I was walking into the shop with a few of the guys. I was the last one through the door. I was brave enough to let a little toot, thinking that since no one was behind me, I would be safe.

A few students were standing around one of the trucks in the middle of the shop, and I walked through the group to the other side of the shop. All of a sudden, someone yells "OH MY GOSH! WHO FARTED"???? They all start blaming each other. Nobody accuses me.

Yes, I totally got away with crop dusting an entire shop full of guys.  8)

I never did own up to it. I should have though.

ROFL, almost literally.  The imagery of "crop dusting" (and somehow I picture a small, knowing smirk went along with it), has made my morning. Thanks for a much-needed laugh :)

CuriousParty

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3607 on: February 01, 2013, 09:52:43 AM »
So my youngest kid is sick with...something.  It's purely gastro and I'm praying it's not Norovirus.

Anyway, I discovered this the other night when she upchucked her entire dinner and snack all over my shirt.  I also discovered that girlfriend needs to start chewing her food.  I could practically count how many blueberries she ate for her evening snack.  But I managed to catch most of it with my shirt and very little went anywhere else.  Mom for the win!

But since these things tend to give generously, every time I eat something I think about whether or not I'm going to see it again and if so, how's it gonna taste on the return trip?

DD got hit last weekend, and I was very cautious about what I ate for several days. Unfortunately, just as I was feeling hopeful that we had escaped the usual round robin..last night happened. I'm firmly in bed and my DH is looking at me side-eyed. Sigh.
DD2 is down now as of last night.  DH feels like a dead man walking, and we're just praying the baby stays well.  Fingers crossed.

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3608 on: February 01, 2013, 10:39:14 AM »
So my youngest kid is sick with...something.  It's purely gastro and I'm praying it's not Norovirus.

Anyway, I discovered this the other night when she upchucked her entire dinner and snack all over my shirt.  I also discovered that girlfriend needs to start chewing her food.  I could practically count how many blueberries she ate for her evening snack.  But I managed to catch most of it with my shirt and very little went anywhere else.  Mom for the win!

But since these things tend to give generously, every time I eat something I think about whether or not I'm going to see it again and if so, how's it gonna taste on the return trip?

DD got hit last weekend, and I was very cautious about what I ate for several days. Unfortunately, just as I was feeling hopeful that we had escaped the usual round robin..last night happened. I'm firmly in bed and my DH is looking at me side-eyed. Sigh.
DD2 is down now as of last night.  DH feels like a dead man walking, and we're just praying the baby stays well.  Fingers crossed.

Yuck, I hope you all feel better soon!

ladyknight1

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3609 on: February 01, 2013, 12:09:51 PM »
DS (14) came down with something last Wednesday, and the nurse didn't bother to call either of his parents.  ::) By the time he was picked up, it was a full raging illness, and he was in "wet blanket" mode. He slept the whole afternoon, and I asked DH to take him to our local after hours pediatric clinic, which is our usual urgent care place for DS. I worked until 5, then had class until 8:30. DH didn't take DS, so Thursday morning, I called out of work and took him to our only other option, the local horrible urgent care chain. We waited 2 hours, finally were seen and DS had influenza. Can't return to school until he has no fever for 24 hours.

Picked up prescription for Tamiflu, fed DS, went home. DS felt awful most of the day Thursday, and then Friday he felt better in the morning, but awful most of the afternoon and evening. On Monday, DS has an awful cough and has bronchitis. I stayed home Monday, which was a good thing, because DH was feeling bad and came home. DH was running 102.6F when I took him to our primary care physician. DH had the flu too. So he and I (for preventative measures) are both taking Tamiflu, DH stayed home for two days.

My little public awareness notice: If someone in your house has the flu, you can take Tamiflu as a preventative measure.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3610 on: February 01, 2013, 03:38:42 PM »
Best wishes for the recovery of all of you facing the stomach ick.  :(


Yesterday, I was walking into the shop with a few of the guys. I was the last one through the door. I was brave enough to let a little toot, thinking that since no one was behind me, I would be safe.

A few students were standing around one of the trucks in the middle of the shop, and I walked through the group to the other side of the shop. All of a sudden, someone yells "OH MY GOSH! WHO FARTED"???? They all start blaming each other. Nobody accuses me.

Yes, I totally got away with crop dusting an entire shop full of guys.  8)

I never did own up to it. I should have though.

ROFL, almost literally.  The imagery of "crop dusting" (and somehow I picture a small, knowing smirk went along with it), has made my morning. Thanks for a much-needed laugh :)



Youre quite welcome! I almost didnt post this, because after all, this IS an etiquette board. What I did was abysmally rude. Then I realized that my fellow gross out hellions would love it.  ;D ;D

magicdomino

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3611 on: February 01, 2013, 03:45:21 PM »

Youre quite welcome! I almost didnt post this, because after all, this IS an etiquette board. What I did was abysmally rude. Then I realized that my fellow gross out hellions would love it.  ;D ;D

Welcome to the thread of the slightly etiquette-challenged.   ;)

diesel_darlin

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3612 on: February 01, 2013, 03:51:24 PM »

Youre quite welcome! I almost didnt post this, because after all, this IS an etiquette board. What I did was abysmally rude. Then I realized that my fellow gross out hellions would love it.  ;D ;D

Welcome to the thread of the slightly etiquette-challenged.   ;)


HAHAH! Thanks! This is my favorite thread in all of e-hell. Someone made a comment in another thread about how I had been here only a year and had already beaten their post count. I told them I blame it on the Gross Out Thread.  :P

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3613 on: February 01, 2013, 03:55:39 PM »
I thought the etiquette of 'crop dusting' was 'It never happened.'  As in, it is most polite to just ignore any aspect of the bodily function that just happened.

So diesel_darlin?  The guy in the shop was the rude one.  ;)

I was waiting at the baseball field for the team ahead of ours to clear out of the bench area, standing about 10 feet away.  My IBS was making me a little gassy so the inevitable happened.  We were outside; how bad could it be?  It was an SBD of epic proportions.  One of the girls on the team we were waiting on to clear out accused one of the guys of dropping it.  He denied it and then said he would have been proud to claim that one.  I kept silent and was hoping that my face wasn't turning red in embarrassment.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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diesel_darlin

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3614 on: February 01, 2013, 04:01:11 PM »
Oh ok! I get it now! HAHAH!


He would have been proud to claim it, huh? Musta been a good one!  :o