Author Topic: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart  (Read 605462 times)

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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3645 on: February 14, 2013, 09:11:00 AM »
My favorite dessert is rice pudding.  I just love the stuff.  So I found a good rice cooker recipe for the stuff, and back in late December (just before my car accident), I made up a batch.  It tasted great, but the rice was crunchy-ish.  I resolved to see what I could do to improve it, then the accident happened and it slipped my mind.

Well, yesterday, I opted to improve it, and set to work.  Only I couldn't find the container for it.  Well, I finally found it.  It was still in the bottom drawer of the fridge.  Filled with rice pudding*.  See that asterisk?  That means it requires a qualifier.  What was once rice pudding now smelled much closer to rice yogurt.  And I'm pretty sure rice pudding is supposed to be white with little flecks of cinnamon brown in it.  Not teal.  My pudding-creature was TEAL.  I'd never even seen teal food before that!

At least after thoroughly scrubbing the container, this batch came out much better.  Still needs a little more milk and sugar, but it's a vast improvement over teal rice yogurt.
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VorFemme

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3646 on: February 14, 2013, 09:47:37 AM »
I had our first pregnant kitty wake me up - when I picked her up and stood up, something landed on the floor.....Lil Sis and I got up & put her in the box in the closet where she was supposed to be having her litter, instead of in bed on my nightgown......

We had no idea which of the kittens was the one that slid off my nightgown onto the floor later - so I guess "kitten bubbles" bounce.

Her next litter she started while we were coming home from Christmas out of town. When the door opened, she met us with a kitten in her mouth to show us - had another one, and was quite confused as to how to get two kittens back to their safe box....Mom carried one (with Momma Cat keeping an eye on the human) while she carried the other back to the delivery box.....

At least she was reliable about having litters of four or five - no batches of TEN to find home for!
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

oceanus

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3647 on: February 14, 2013, 12:22:54 PM »
I just thought of another one.  Back in 2001 (I remember because it was about a week after Sept. 11 attacks) I wasn't feeling so great one morning, but decided to fix some breakfast and go to work anyway.  Took the bus enroute to downtown.  Within a few monutes of sitting down, I got that 'queasy' feeling, rang the bell, grabbed a few plastic trash bags which were on a hook next to the exit.

Forget the bags - I just made it to a trash can, and as soon as I bent over......well, you get the picture. :(

Then I called the office, crossed the street, took a bus back home.  Good thing there was another trash can nearby, but the plastic bags also came in handy.

violinp

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3648 on: February 14, 2013, 01:32:16 PM »
On that note...

I have a UTI, which can cause vomiting (I have yet to figure out why). Anyway, I was throwing up last night, and I threw up so hard that I made my nose bleed. That was fun, let me tell you.  :-X
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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3649 on: February 14, 2013, 02:28:21 PM »
My Zoe-Kitty was "great with child" We were gonna get kittens and we were gonna get them SOON. (It was her first litter of three. In my defense I was about 11 and my mom should've gotten my darn cat fixed. I finally got a birthday check and got it done myself.)

But Zoe decided, rather than use the comfey box in the nice dark, secluded closet to have kittens, she would choose her own birth center... right in my crossed legs while I tried to watch TV. I looked down and told my mom "Umm... Zoe's butt is blowing a bubble." The bubble of course contained a kitten. Everytime I tried to put her down she would howl and claw her way back into my arms, kitten hanging out or not. So I finally resigned myself to holding a half-slimey (and the WORST half of her slimey) cat and putting her kittens on a towel spread out on the bed beside me.

Four kitten bubbles later (they all came out in a weird kitty-bubble that we had to pop with our fingers and peel away from the kitten. Zoe wanted nothing to do with kittens bubbles, but she liked kittens just fine.) we had a cute litter of five and Zoe finally allowed me to stop holding her and went to caring for her kittens. I complained about this experience to my mom (Who just thought it was funny.) and she promised that Zoe was just "new" to being a mommy and this wouldn't happen ever again.

It happened twice more. Same verse, same as first except the second time was three, and the thrid was TEN. Best birthday gift i ever gave myself was an escape from kitten bubbles.

I'm hesitant to ask because I don't want to insult you...but now that you're older, you realize what those "kitten bubbles" are, right?  I feel like you were telling it as if you were 11 again, but at the same time...I don't know, I'm sorry if this is insulting.


My Great Pyrenees/Siberian Husky mix decided that she was going to give birth underneath my parents' queen four poster bed.  My mom had to work, my dad had to work, and it was about 0400 that she decided to go into labor.  My parents woke up me and said, "Talula is going into labor, go take care of her, you're not going to school today, and now we're going to sleep in your bed." in so many words.  I had to carry the mattresses out of the room and slowly/quietly take apart the bed frame so I could help her as she had just (less than a week before) had a titanium hit put in due to being run over by a car (she was sleeping under it in the shade and was too pregnant to get up quickly when the fellow started it).  She gave birth 6 out of 8 times with her head in my lap.

Pretty sure it was that they kept being born "in caul" although I have no clue why all of Zoe's kittens were born like that. My other "constant mom" cat only had one kitten like that and she took care of the matter herself. Zoe just had no interest in them until they were out and mewing.

I've since had goats born in "bubbles" but they were always premature tiny kids who were born to fast to break it on the way out. Zoe's kittens weren't premature, they were just as big as any newborn kitten and they were always healthy LOUD ones, so i guess maybe Zoe just had strange anatomy.

And no insult. Even at 11, I kinda knew what was going on (well, after the first litter I KNEW as in I'd read up on it in a vet book, during the first I just kinda vaugly knew babies had "sacs" and had to come out of them.) I just was struck by how bubble-like the sacs are and the term "Kitten bubble" (or goat bubble, puppy bubble, and in the case of my nephew, baby bubble) have stuck around in our family for that phenom.

Unrelated note: I'm apparently an animal midwife. While Zoe was my only "hold me!" patient, I have "midwifed" for countless goats, my other momma cat Alphonse, a stray dog that adopted us baggage in tow, a chicken (well, she just laid an egg in my hand.) and a goose (who made a habit of laying her eggs in my lap. I cause spontanious labor in animals. :-[) I had to take a slightly more "pushy" role when our goat decided to grace us with a kid's nose and foot coming out together and then promptly got it all stuck. Thankfully in that case I had my homestead guide right there. Still didn't make pulling a limp kid out of a goat's unmentionables with bare hands any less disgusting. And the "dead kid" who I was way too rough with because it felt cold and dead and I wanted a live nanny more than an intact dead kid decided to shake herself off and come back to the world of the living. She was not a goat bubble, although that goat's next kid was! And it was so small the vet told us to "leave it in the grass, its gonna die soon." He sounded like he knew what he was saying... that goat was the kid of a full size mom and full size dad and was smaller than our chihuahua with the longest spindly spider legs. Cheeky little guy must've heard the vet because he stuck around, was bottle raised because his mother wanted nothing to do with him, and now lives the carefree life of a nine year old boy's personal whither.(sp?) We didn't breed the mother again. She was three bad results for three pregnancies. And its good to get to tell all of these. There are very few social occasionas that starting a conversation with "My cat used to have kitten bubbles." or "Did I ever tell you about the time I had to wrench a dead baby out of a goat? Well it wasn't quite dead..." is welcomed.  :-[

And poor Talula! I guess she needed a midwife too. My stepdad always said an animal truely loves its person when it will expose its most vulnerable times (injury, birthing, etc.) so willingly. Your girl must've known you were there to help.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3650 on: February 14, 2013, 05:16:14 PM »
I was the only person she listened to; anyone else told her to sit or stay and she would flip them the paw, but not me.  She was a really good dog...for me  ;D

Also, your line about inducing spontaneous labor made me laugh!  You seem like a great animal midwife!
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3651 on: February 14, 2013, 06:09:29 PM »
I was the only person she listened to; anyone else told her to sit or stay and she would flip them the paw, but not me.  She was a really good dog...for me  ;D

Also, your line about inducing spontaneous labor made me laugh!  You seem like a great animal midwife!

lol

I had a dog like that. A huge black dane mix who would occasionally listen to my dad but mostly obeyed me. Everyone else could get stuffed for all Beast cared. He also howled. A lot. And it sounded bizarre, not wolf-like, not dog-like just... Beast-y.

He caught himself a thief one day trying to take one of our ducks and I decided it was fine to let him deal with the guy until the police arrived. Which took almost four hours, since apparently stealing a duck isn't very important. I hope the guy's four hour stay under my snarling, slobbering Beast cured some of his duck stealing ways.

The cops got there and started freaking out. They asked if Beast would "attack" them and I wasn't sure what to say. Beast mostly ignored people, this was his first "attack" (he didn't draw blood or anything, he just stood over the guy and growled/barked/slobbered) so I wasn't sure how he'd handle the cop. So I went with them and when I called his name he got up and walked over to me, yawned and stared at me with the "I'm a good boy?" look.

The thief tried to run again. Beast "helpfully" took him down again and howled. The thief wet himself and I guess had to wear wet pants back to the station. I hope the cops could get it out of their seats later. (Sorry, that's the only gross part of the story. I laughed when it happened.)

And thanks, I like to think I'm a good pet midwife, but that stupid goat scared me stupid. My aunt said I seemed very calm about it and gave good instructions as to how to help me out, but it was an good act, fueled by my homestead guide and some memory of soaping my hands from a James Herriot book.

VorFemme

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3652 on: February 14, 2013, 07:03:06 PM »
Every kitten I ever saw was born in a caul - apparently mom is supposed to lick it off them to get their fur clean, their lungs & such stimulated, bond her to the kitten, and then eat it to keep her energy up (and get her milk started).

Mom worked in a research lab with veterinarians.  I know more gross stuff than the law allows.....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3653 on: February 14, 2013, 07:42:56 PM »
Every kitten I ever saw was born in a caul - apparently mom is supposed to lick it off them to get their fur clean, their lungs & such stimulated, bond her to the kitten, and then eat it to keep her energy up (and get her milk started).

Mom worked in a research lab with veterinarians.  I know more gross stuff than the law allows.....

Really? Alphonse's kittens never were born still inside. They'd come out with a membraine over their heads, but it would burst and they'd come tumbling out and the afterbirth and torn caul would come out together. (then Alphonse would eat it up... or in one gross case leave one on our rug where she left all her other "yummy gifts". I'm not sure why she thought we'd want to eat her afterbirth, but I'm not sure why she thought we wanted to eat half a gekko/a mumified field rat or an unholy creature that I later found out was a shrew.)

VorFemme

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3654 on: February 14, 2013, 07:51:58 PM »
Every kitten I ever saw was born in a caul - apparently mom is supposed to lick it off them to get their fur clean, their lungs & such stimulated, bond her to the kitten, and then eat it to keep her energy up (and get her milk started).

Mom worked in a research lab with veterinarians.  I know more gross stuff than the law allows.....

Really? Alphonse's kittens never were born still inside. They'd come out with a membrane over their heads, but it would burst and they'd come tumbling out and the afterbirth and torn caul would come out together. (then Alphonse would eat it up... or in one gross case leave one on our rug where she left all her other "yummy gifts". I'm not sure why she thought we'd want to eat her afterbirth, but I'm not sure why she thought we wanted to eat half a gecko/a mummified field rat or an unholy creature that I later found out was a shrew.)

Depending on how many kittens there were - she may have had all of THAT that she was willing to eat....remember all the bonding hormones, protein, and that a cat in the wild wouldn't be able to go out hunting for a little while - so the new mother would NEED a ready "meal".  The milk producing hormones would be something extra....

There are other species that are born more or less in "bubbles"....but I try not to think about it.

The one that got me was the species of sharks with twin wombs that bear live young - two of them - because in the womb, the strongest fetal shark eats the others in that womb.  Makes me glad I wasn't conceived a shark.....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3655 on: February 14, 2013, 08:11:39 PM »
Every kitten I ever saw was born in a caul - apparently mom is supposed to lick it off them to get their fur clean, their lungs & such stimulated, bond her to the kitten, and then eat it to keep her energy up (and get her milk started).

Mom worked in a research lab with veterinarians.  I know more gross stuff than the law allows.....

Really? Alphonse's kittens never were born still inside. They'd come out with a membrane over their heads, but it would burst and they'd come tumbling out and the afterbirth and torn caul would come out together. (then Alphonse would eat it up... or in one gross case leave one on our rug where she left all her other "yummy gifts". I'm not sure why she thought we'd want to eat her afterbirth, but I'm not sure why she thought we wanted to eat half a gecko/a mummified field rat or an unholy creature that I later found out was a shrew.)

Depending on how many kittens there were - she may have had all of THAT that she was willing to eat....remember all the bonding hormones, protein, and that a cat in the wild wouldn't be able to go out hunting for a little while - so the new mother would NEED a ready "meal".  The milk producing hormones would be something extra....

There are other species that are born more or less in "bubbles"....but I try not to think about it.

The one that got me was the species of sharks with twin wombs that bear live young - two of them - because in the womb, the strongest fetal shark eats the others in that womb.  Makes me glad I wasn't conceived a shark.....

I saw a video of those fetal sharks! Ikk!

And knowing my Alphonse, maybe. It was a litter of nine I think. That's also the cat who if she decided her kittens were not getting enough attention she would follow you around with one in her mouth and put it on your lap. If you returned it to its bed, she'd bring you the same darn kitten repeatedly. Did this for every litter and in some cases would bring over tiny eyes-closed kittens.

When we had her fixed she decided she wasn't ready to hang up her "mommy" gloves yet. But our new home had no kittens to mother. Alphonse figured kitten... guinea pig.... same thing right?

Our guinea piggies were very confused when she would flop onto the pine shavings and expose her belly, then try to drag them closer. Unphased, Alphonse would keep pestering them to nurse until someone made her stop. (Usually by removing her from the room.)

She was/is/shall always be a strange, strange kitty. Right now she is forcibly bathing the great dane.

oceanus

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3656 on: February 14, 2013, 08:17:42 PM »
Both are “nose” issues:

1) Was having unusual dryness and carried some salve to periodically apply in nostrils.  A co-worker looked at me, frowned, patted my shoulder and said “you need a tissue”.  Well, there was a little bit of salve on my outside nostril, but I said “Thanks, but it’s not what you think it is.”  Probably TMI.

2) I once had a very bad summer cold and in the middle of the night blew my nose so HARD…..felt something wet……..blood all over my pillow, and I was choking.  Had to call 911, they took me to ER and I had burst a membrane and had to get it cauterized (burned).  Not fun.


Reika

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3657 on: February 15, 2013, 12:04:23 AM »
The combination of cat and sickness reminded me of this.

My late Boots, a very boss tuxedo who was very much the Queen of all she surveyed, had this hidden streak of mama-henness that didn't come out unless I was not well, either sick or hurting from something. She was also a cat of sizable girth.

Imagine if you will, that you're finally unconscious from the blessed medication that the doctor gave you for your annual bought of Bronchitis of Doom, only to be rudely awakened by something warm, heavy and furry on your head while something damp and rough rasped away at your poor sore nose that just finished draining the latest batch of ickiness from your sinus cavities. Yes, it was Boots. Bad enough she thought camping out on my head would help me feel better, not really, because she was very, very warm, and very, very heavy. But having her decide that your nose isn't sufficiently drained on its own, and very sore from the amount of tissues you'd just gone through, and start cleaning it.

Yeah, that's an experience you never forget, though you wish you did.

It may not be as gross as many other stories here. I was sufficiently squicked out because I saw what was coming out of my nose.

The irony of the whole thing is that mom and I would have to bathe her every so often because she wasn't very meticulous on keeping herself clean. When her white parts started looking yellowish, we'd threaten her with a bath. So she's coerce mom's cat Sophie, who was a neat freak even by cat standards, into cleaning her. I think Sophie preferred that, since there were a few times she'd look at the state Boots was in and shudder.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3658 on: February 15, 2013, 02:01:15 AM »
I am quite embarrassed about this, but I figure my fellow gross ones will enjoy it.

My stomach was kinda rolling all day. Not nauseous, just rolling. Well I decided to grab a burrito during break. By the time I got to welding class, I felt the gas pains hit. I held it in, and everything was ok.

Well, about 2pm, our instructor tells us to go take a break. I go outside for a while, and come back into the welding shop. There is no one in there but me. I am in my cubicle, all by my self. All alone. In an empty shop. I got a fart pain, so I let it go. It was long, and oh so loud.

I thought I was in the clear, because I didnt smell anything. I thought I was home free. This magic fart apparently left the confines of my booth and polluted the rest of the shop. Naturally since I was the one in there when all the guys walked in, it was kind of hard to pretend I didnt do it.  :-[

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart
« Reply #3659 on: February 15, 2013, 11:27:07 PM »
LOL DD!  I had the horrible misfortune of having one just show up.  While I was waiting for an elevator with several other people.  And since I was standing a bit away from them, there was no way I could feign innocence.  I wanted to crawl into a hole.


On that note...

I have a UTI, which can cause vomiting (I have yet to figure out why). Anyway, I was throwing up last night, and I threw up so hard that I made my nose bleed. That was fun, let me tell you.  :-X

are you on abx?  I had one and they put me on a very powerful abx (Bactrin I think?) and while the UTI went away, I couldn't get out of bed for a couple of days because the drugs were making me feel so oogy.  It could be that.

My dog once gave birth in my bedroom but she had the good manners to do it in the closet.   :P