I can't believe it's taken me so long to find this thread... and I haven't finished reading yet, but I still have to contribute. So here, for your grossout viewing, I present three doggy tales and a non-dog one.
The Great Second-Hand Tuna Debacle of Spring 2009
I adopted Molly, my adorable little maltese - shih tzu cross when she was just over 6 weeks old. She was a tiny ball of fluff with button nose and teeth. When she'd been with me two days she found the cat food, and scarfed the lot - tinned tuna.
All was well until I woke up at 1am, feeling rather - err - damp. Molly had vomited tuna all over - over her, over me (it was in my hair!) and all over the bed. Every bit of bed linen including the doona and pillows were covered in second-hand tuna barf. It was gross. So there I am, with a heaving puppy, freezing cold and stripping the bed. No spare doona (luckily the Houseboy [housemate at the time] had a spare I found out later). She got bathed, I got showered and fully dressed, and sat up with this poor pathetic little doggy who was still dry-heaving four hours later.
After that the cats got fed on top of the dishwasher which was in the laundry, and Molly no longer got to share my bed. Oddly enough she still loves tuna.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
When Molly and Suzi were tiny pups, occasionally when they pooped it got stuck on their fluffy little backsides. Standard operating procedure was a quick trip to the laundry tub, dunk their bums under a stream of warm water to rinse out as much as possible, then dog shampoo, rinse and dry. Nothing quite like picking up a cute puppy with a poo bum.
Anyway one day I came home from work, got greeted by the dogs as usual, and noticed poop smell. Suzi was nearest and youngest, so I grabbed her, straight into the laundry where she got her bum washed. Oddly enough though there seemed to be no poo. While I was wondering why, I could still smell it. Then I looked down.
Yup, it wasn't Suzi - or Molly either. I'd stepped in a ginormous Douglas turd (the giant German Shepherd next door who comes to visit), blamed Suzi needlessly and tracked Dougie Poo all through the house. And it was all over my good boots.
Tell me about the rabbit....
The cats are loving the rural life, and this summer we've had a plague of rabbits. The cats have decided they're fair game, so we've had to dispose of a few bunny bodies in the past few months, usually after the dogs managed to get their greedy little paws on them.
One day we'd been out all day, and the dogs had been locked in the house. Well, one of the cats had brought a bunny in, and one of the dogs (or both) had dismembered it all over my bedroom floor. Head here, leg there, intestines - you get the idea. Disgusting.
A couple of years ago I was riding my bike in to work, and I may have been following the car ahead just a tad too closely. I realised this when he went over some roadkill and I didn't have room to swerve around it. D'oh! So I hit it head on - a very dead wallaby which was mostly smeared across the road, but with a sufficiently large chunk left for me to hit.
As I hit it, a goodly chunk of said wallaby hit my header pipes, which get really hot. The chunk contained wallaby and wallaby's internal contents.
As I rode in to work, the bits of roadkill cooked on the header pipes, and the smell wafted upwards, straight into my helmet. Roo and poo barbecue for the next 20+ kilometers. Yes, I was dry heaving in my helmet for the rest of the trip. Fortunately I was riding long enough to burn all of it away, as there was no stinky left-overs that afternoon on the way home.