So there I was, grilling some steaks on a nice warm summer Sunday. We didn't finish the last rare steak, so the leftovers sat on the worktop in the kitchen for a while. When I came back in I saw some flies on it, shooed them off and realized that they'd laid eggs on the meat. What I did next probably should have earned this post a place in the 'yeah, you might not have wanted to do that' thread, but on balance I thought I should protect those with a weak stomach.
Basically I shrugged and tossed the steak in the bin. After all, rubbish day was next Thursday, what could possibly happen?
So Wednesday night I was sat in the living room reading alone, DH and my children were already asleep, and I thought I heard this weird kind of hissy noise. Very quiet, but definitely there. So I went to investigate, and yeah. The kitchen floor was a seething mass of maggots. My bin was of those tall, free-standing stainless steel jobbies with an automatic lid and (as I now know) a small gap between rim and lid. Just big enough for an enterprising maggot to fit through so they can throw themselves off into the unknown like a miniature paratrooper re-enacting the Normandy landings. They were everywhere. Halfway up the hall to the living room, scaling the stairs (I did NOT realize that those beasties can climb), covering the kitchen floor, still flinging themselves into the blue yonder from the bin... And they were so earnest and intent, they almost looked like they were pulling themselves along by their teeth (which they probably don't have, but you know what I mean), going "hngh, hngh, hngh" with the effort.
I quickly ran upstairs to warn my husband that there might be some noise (and cursing) downstairs and tackled the clear-up. I can tell you now, a Dyson vacuum cleaner is well up to the job. The clear plastic container that the dust ends up in might be a bit of a downside, but on the other hand it's quite easy to carry the whole bally lot of them down to the bottom end of the garden and tip them out there for the local blackbird population to snack on.
There's a bit of a coda to this. Months later I was having a cup of tea when I suddenly felt a lump of something hit my mouth. I thought, hang on, this is tea, not soup, and checked my cup. There were maggots in there, floating merrily in the finest Sainsbury's red label.
Or so I thought for one brief, mildly disgusted moment (I'm not very squeamish). Then I had a closer look, and although the size, colour and shape were close, it wasn't maggots. Turns out that when last I'd made rice I was in a bit of a rush. I'd measured the rice with my plastic measuring cups and then measured the water with the same cup and poured it in the electric kettle to start the rice off on the cooker with boiling water from said kettle. Some rice grains must have clung to the plastic and then ended up in there.
At least the maggot invasion hadn't come back.
Feel free to mock me.