Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart

[AmethystAnne]

^
Yeah, me too!  I am so glad that DH is watching a loud movie in the other room. He likes for me to read what it is that is making me LOL. He would be grossed out and would think I was a few cookies short of a box. He does not deal well with poo accidents, vomit, explusion of cat hairballs, or blood.

I can deal with those. What I find myself getting grossed out by is that Travel Channel show host Andrew Zimmer who helps prepare and then eats all kinds of things.

[Kimblee]

He looked kind of puzzled and asked "So how come women don't keep a "go bag" with spare pants and underwear? That's what guys would do."

I replied "I really have no idea. Maybe because they would worry that the spare wouldn't match their outfit?"

"Well, blood doesn't match anything!"

But it does make me wonder why we don't do it that way.

Some of us do. Back in my early 20s when I would regularly have the Week Of Doom And Despair, I kept spare undies at work and in a ziplock at the bottom of my shoulder bag, and I did not own a single pair of white pants. Everything that I was willing to wear out of the house was black or denim, and wouldn't show damp watermarks if I had to rinse it in a hand basin. 

And I thought I was the only one!

DH asked me what women do when "accidents" happen and I explained that we all become quite good at wetting, blotting and drying our pants - and that it is possible to get them dry enough that you can sit on them until they dry completely and no one is the wiser. 

{For me, it's not "The week of Doom and Despair" but rather my "Stuck Pig Imitation".}

"The War Is Begun" or "The Battle of No Grandkids"

My father and I have a whole code because he's so grossed out. No white out, cuz its the gross out board.

Tampon: Ammunition
Pad: Body Armor
When I Start: Deployment
Blood Clots: Under Fire
Blood Clots Big Enough To Give The Family Name: Casualties. (Or "BFF's Namesake")

"Why were you in the bathroom so long?"
"Double Casualty."

My best friend and I speak each other's language. She calls it "The Moon Is Full" and her dad isn't a pansy so she can call her supplies by their names.

Also she once told me there was no way my clot was as big as my thumb. So I saved one for her in a jar. Her words:

"Oh... wow. I think its bigger than you told me.... is this my namesake?" (explanation for why above phrase is used.)

If that isn't gross enough yet, this is the BFF that I have changed "supplies" for. She has mobility issues and broke her dominant hand. Her non-dominant hand has issues so I removed her tampon and put pad in her undies for six days. She told me that this is proof I'm her sister, a non-sister would never do that for her.

Then she looked me in the eye and said "One of our moms has some explaining to do..."

[wonderfullyanonymous]

This could probably also go in "Dear Cat", but I am sufficiently disgusted to put it here.

I have one cat who refuses to touch any sort of hairball remedy, and I have one cat who refuses to actually chew (insofar as cats chew) her food. This has resulted in two episodes of ick.

Hairball cat has been working on getting rid of a ginormous hairball for over a month now. It finally came up yesterday. All over the freshly washed cat bed. And it was a sticky, gooey one, so it clung to her chin and she had to shake her head rapidly to get it off her. Hairball EVERYWHERE. Promptly followed by a good five minutes of horking up brown goo that smelled like death and refused to come out of the carpet without scrubbing.

Food vacuum cat has a habit of eating so fast it makes everything come right back up. But apparently her usual hork antics were not satisfying enough this time, because she sat there and yodeled three times before starting to heave, and then decided she was going to run backwards while heaving so there was a four foot long string of undigested cat food barf in my hallway. And then she horked AGAIN right in front of the kitchen and left a remarkably large pile considering how much she'd just expelled not even ten seconds prior.

I would be so very, very happy if someone would invent a paper towel that prevents one from feeling the warm squish of fresh cat barf while trying to pick it up.

It's kinda gross to do this, but I am thoroughly grossed out cleaning up fresh cat vomit, I have to wait until it's cold.

I have one who projectiles. That is really gross, and I have to go clean up that now, as I was informed, a bit ago, someone started in the hallway, and shot it into the bathroom.

Yay...

[Outdoor Girl]

With one of mine, I can't wait until it cools, if she's horked on the carpet.  With her, there is almost no solids; it is almost entirely liquid.  So if I don't get it right away, it soaks into the carpet and I can't find it to clean it up.  The other one usually has some solids in hers so I do wait until it cools to clean that one up.

[Liliane]

I have one tile floor in my entire apartment, and of course that's never where the cats hork. And my carpet is god-awful 50s shag carpet that EVERYTHING clings to. If I let the hork dry, I literally have to rip it off the carpet and as much as I hate this carpet, I can't afford to replace it yet if I accidentally rip a hole in it. So, grossing myself out it is!

At least hairball cat only horks extremely rarely, and food vacuum cat usually manages to do it in the kitchen which has indoor/outdoor carpet...

[perpetua]

This could probably also go in "Dear Cat", but I am sufficiently disgusted to put it here.

I have one cat who refuses to touch any sort of hairball remedy, and I have one cat who refuses to actually chew (insofar as cats chew) her food. This has resulted in two episodes of ick.

Hairball cat has been working on getting rid of a ginormous hairball for over a month now. It finally came up yesterday. All over the freshly washed cat bed. And it was a sticky, gooey one, so it clung to her chin and she had to shake her head rapidly to get it off her. Hairball EVERYWHERE. Promptly followed by a good five minutes of horking up brown goo that smelled like death and refused to come out of the carpet without scrubbing.

Food vacuum cat has a habit of eating so fast it makes everything come right back up. But apparently her usual hork antics were not satisfying enough this time, because she sat there and yodeled three times before starting to heave, and then decided she was going to run backwards while heaving so there was a four foot long string of undigested cat food barf in my hallway. And then she horked AGAIN right in front of the kitchen and left a remarkably large pile considering how much she'd just expelled not even ten seconds prior.

I would be so very, very happy if someone would invent a paper towel that prevents one from feeling the warm squish of fresh cat barf while trying to pick it up.

I feel your pain, because one of mine wiped his backside on the carpet yesterday. The one I'd cleaned with the Bissell the day before, just to add insult to injury. He came in through the cat flap, shuffled all the way across the living room on his bum, then did the same all down the hallway, leaving three and four foot long skidmarks as he went.

Why do we put up with this? They must have *some* redeeming qualities...

[Outdoor Girl]

That lapful of purr, especially when you're sick, perhaps?   

There is a reason cats prefer to hork on the carpet.  A carpeted floor or a mat allows them to dig their claws in and gain purchase for the violence of the vomiting.

I'm going to be redoing my kitchen in a couple of years.  My living room is right there, too (open concept) and there are two bedrooms with carpet, too.  When the kitchen gets redone, the whole main floor is getting hardwood treatment.  At least it will be easier to clean up the cat hork.  Not to mention their hair and mine.

[Diane AKA Traska]

I have one tile floor in my entire apartment, and of course that's never where the cats hork. And my carpet is god-awful 50s shag carpet that EVERYTHING clings to. If I let the hork dry, I literally have to rip it off the carpet and as much as I hate this carpet, I can't afford to replace it yet if I accidentally rip a hole in it. So, grossing myself out it is!

At least hairball cat only horks extremely rarely, and food vacuum cat usually manages to do it in the kitchen which has indoor/outdoor carpet...

Something like this might be worth the money for you then. 

[Liliane]

I have one tile floor in my entire apartment, and of course that's never where the cats hork. And my carpet is god-awful 50s shag carpet that EVERYTHING clings to. If I let the hork dry, I literally have to rip it off the carpet and as much as I hate this carpet, I can't afford to replace it yet if I accidentally rip a hole in it. So, grossing myself out it is!

At least hairball cat only horks extremely rarely, and food vacuum cat usually manages to do it in the kitchen which has indoor/outdoor carpet...

Something like this might be worth the money for you then. 

We have one actually. I've managed to get to the hork fast enough not to have to use it yet, but the day will probably come...

[JoW]

Last Monday my recycle bin was blown over by the wind.  Most of the recycle stayed put, but some ended up in the ditch.   I work until after dark most days, and yesterday was cold, so today was my first chance to pick it up. 

I found and picked up:
2 Coke cans and a well-aged plastic milk jug - mine
2 liquor bottles, a beer can, and assorted fast-food trash - annoying but not nasty

I did not pick up:
well-aged road-killed possum.  Identified by the teeth
recently road-killed red squirrel, apparently fully intact.  It was belly down.  I did not roll it over. 

[Reika]

A friend of mine shared this review of Hairbo Gummy Bears

I posted here due to the nature of what the reviews contain. 

[alkira6]

A friend of mine shared this review of Hairbo Gummy Bears

I posted here due to the nature of what the reviews contain. 

Oh, yes. My first experience with sugar-free candy was educational.  I finally found that Barbie shoe that I swallowed when I was 3. 

[Moonie]

The best thing for cleaning up cat hork?  A dog. The "hork yodel" and retching sounds are like a "treat alarm" for my dog. She patiently awaits the upheval and is on it almost before it hits the floor. One of the few things that make me gag.

[Ms_Cellany]

The best thing for cleaning up cat hork?  A dog. The "hork yodel" and retching sounds are like a "treat alarm" for my dog. She patiently awaits the upheval and is on it almost before it hits the floor. One of the few things that make me gag.

I think I've mentioned the time that a roommate was complaining that his date had horked in his car (drunk, not sick). I suggested he put his dog in there. He went "ewwwww," thought about it, and did.

The dog had a great time and did not get drunk.

[VorFemme]

A friend of mine shared this review of Hairbo Gummy Bears

I posted here due to the nature of what the reviews contain. 

I was laughing so hard that I was crying and wheezing for lack of breath.

I especially like the one paraphrased from Dune....both the cat and VorGuy were staring at me when I got to that one....