Gross out-- Not for the faint of heart

[Giggity]

On the flip side. I met my hubby when we were assigned to the team together to go find the head!

That is freakin' AWESOME.

[J.D.]

I shouldn't have read this whole ten-page thread while planning dinner, but I couldn't help myself, lol.

The first one I recall happened when I was very little, maybe eight or nine, and I had a nasty, nasty stomach bug.  I was sick until there was nothing left, and then I just heaved stomach acid - tons of it - for hours.  I was so ill, I couldn't get out of bed, so I was using a bucket.  I vividly remember apologizing repeatedly to my poor Dad, who just kept cleaning it up, emptying the bucket, and telling me that it was ok and that he loved me.  (For the record, I have the best Daddy ever. Srsly.)

The second was dear BF's, and it also involved stomach upset, this time caused by poorly cooked chicken wings.  Three pounds of them.  I woke up around four am to the sound of him absolutely barfing up his bootstraps, as the saying goes.  I poked my head in the bathroom, recoiled, and then went back in with cleaning supplies and rubber gloves, tossed him in the shower - since he'd gotten himself too - and went to work.  There was back-splash all the way to the top of the bathroom door. *gag*

The third contender happened recently, and like so many others here, was c/o my dear kitteh.  She is a long-hair, so her hairballs are brutal, and always accompanied by projectile vomit.  A few months ago, I heard her hacking, and came in just in time to see her perched on the windowsill, puking into the heater.  Which was on.  My place smelled like cat puke for a week.

[GunStreetGirl]

Ah, my kind of thread. 

Imagine this: you share a bathroom with four other people.  You're prescribed an antibiotic that makes you nauseous.  Your boyfriend gets in the shower, and you start feeling your throat close up.  Then you start salivating like crazy, and finally, are gagging.  You puke in your mouth and have to hold in there until you can run to the kitchen sink. 

Yeah, that was me.  THIS MORNING!   

There is also:  the time i reached for my shoe and a centipede crawled out of it onto my hand. 

When my kitten got diarrhea all over my arm. 

Oh yeah, stepping on half a mouse.  The bottom half. 

That was the day after he brought the live one for me while I was half asleep (breakfast in bed??). 

Just the other day, my boyfriend's mother gently hugged my cat and his anal glands expressed.  All over the counter. 

[housewife2k]

The following involves multiple types of bodily fluids, was gross and embarrasing for me, and was gross for my doctor.

You have been warned...I cannot believe I am typing this, but I need to tell someone!


WANRING_ICKINESS AHEAD

On the 18th, I went in for the appointment where my hysterectomy was scheduled- I have been dealing with allergies, I have been bleeding constantly for the last almost month, and I had to have a full bladder, as they were planning on doing a trans-vag ultrasound (this is where they do an ultrasound of your insides, but the wand they used is designed to be inserted in the..well...eah.)
So, I am in stirrups, with the doctor taking a look at what's going on, full bladder, and I sneeze- no warning to anyone, no nose tickle, jsut a voilent sneeze.
The sneezing caused me to pee a little- on the doctor. Due to the heavy bleeding and the ultrasound wand and being in stirrups, I also leaked some blood- all over the doctor.
To give my doc and his nurses the credit they deserve- Doc asked a nurse if she could take over the ultrasound for a moment, told me he would be right back- drew the curtain, opened the door, walked out, changed his jacket, shirt, glozes, and washed up, came back in, took over for the nurse, and assured me it was neither the first or the last time it has happened, not to be embarrased, and that it was OK

[purplemuse]

I used to work with a nurse who had worked several years in a pediatric ER in a teaching hospital.  They saw lots of residents; as with any group, most were perfectly fine, but there were a few who thought they were way too good for the rest of the world and the nurses were stupid, incompetent, and barely fit to carry their coffee.  When they got a resident like this, they had a standard procedure.

First the nurses would make a nasty 'diaper': they'd take a clean disposable diaper and smear it liberally with chocolate pudding, mustard, ketchup, anything else they could think of, mixed together to produce a nasty mess.  Then they'd take it in and show it to the resident in question, asking his opinion - a mom just brought this baby in with terrible diarrhea; the nurses thought it might be a particular disease, what did Doctor think?  They'd wave the diaper at the resident, who would usually recoil in horror.  Then the nurse would swipe her finger through the mess and sniff it, saying yep, sure smells like <disease>.  If a final act was required, she'd then take an inquring lick and remark, wow, definitely tastes like <disease>.

I don't know if this really happened, or if it's a nursing urban legend, but it's a great story anyway!

This reminds me of one I heard about a doctor trying to teach some students the importance of observation.  First, he tells them that it's very important to have good observation skills, then holds up a vial of urine, and says he's going to teach them how to test for diabetes.  He sticks a finger in the vial, then touches a finger to his tongue and comments that you can tell the patient has diabetes because of the sweet taste, and instructs his students to test for themselves.

One by one, they come up, each sticking a finger in the vial, and touching it to their tongues.  Once they have all gone through, the doctor reiterates the importance of good observation skills.  Then adds:

"And if any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I stuck my second finger in the vial, but used my first finger to touch my tongue."

[Corrina]

I've got a few stories, but they aren't as bad as some of the ones here 

This winter I was taking my puppy to go get fixed. She wasn't exactly completely housetrained and hadn't emptied her bowels yet, but I was figuring that as soon as I got her to the vets, she'd go outside before going in. I had to go pick up my friend from a nearby town right after to go bring him to the bank and didn't have time to go back home right after. I got my dog in the car and we were halfway there (only a 10 minute drive) when I started to smell something. She crapped all over the backseat of my car, including on my husband's new winter jacket. At least my aunt who worked at the vets had cleaning stuff for my car, but it still stunk to high heaven, and here I am in northern Vermont, gagging the whole way to my friend's house, with the windows rolled down. At least he understood, lol.

The other two stories are from when I was a child.

When I was maybe 9 years old, my cat was outside on the porch railing. I saw him and went outside to get him because it was getting dark out. What I didn't know what that he put a dead rat right under the door so that when I stepped outside (with bare feet of course) I stepped right onto the dead rat. Uggh.  Another reason why I never let my cats outside as an adult.

Then another time when I was maybe 13 years old I was at my grandmother's and she had these wonderful canadian mint things. I bit into one one day and felt something chewy. It was half of a caterpillar. Trust me, I will never eat those things again. But that can't be as bad as the time that all my family was at my grandmother's some time later and we were all eating these milky way fun size bars. My sister peered into her candy wrapper and saw a bunch of maggots. Needless to say, none of us felt well after that situation.

[Kiteflyer]

Cats *are* gross, aren't they? One of ours once woke up in my sister's room, where he'd spent the night; came over into my room; threw up on a pile of my clothes; and went promptly back to my sister's room for a nap. I was so insulted!

This one FELT bad: I laughed pretty hard while eating dinner with friends and got spicy curry up my nose. IT BURNED. OH IT BURNED! I went to the bathroom, sobbing but also laughing (it was also hysterical) and my friends alternated between gasps of laughter and asking if I was okay. Eventually I discovered that I had chickpeas up my nose!

[kingsrings]

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t told this one yet on this thread. I worked in a senior home for two years on the weekends, and this one is a doozy. Thank goodness it happened during the week when I wasn’t there, I probably would have been sick to my stomach forever if I had witnessed it.

It was lunchtime, and the residents were all seated together at their little tables in the packed dining room. Right in the middle of lunch, one of the ladies had a complete physical, medical meltdown in her entire body. Basically, she literally had a volcanic explosion happen internally, and it poured out externally from every orifice in her body, every bodily fluid we humans have, in great quantities. Blood, vomit, waste, etc., going everywhere. And her blood was rotten and corroted, so it was black-hued and very smelly. She had had some previously undetected internal illness or infection going on in her body for a very long time, and it finally came to a crescendo right there in the dining room in front of everyone. Of course everyone else was freaking out along with her. And the most incredible thing – her table mate was this very stubborn, mean old lady of 104. She was so angry that her lunch was being interrupted by this body volcano that she refused to get up from the table, even though this woman was spewing bodily fluids everywhere. Even when the paramedics came, she wouldn’t move. They had to physically move her from the table in order to get to the lady. 

[Issa]

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t told this one yet on this thread. I worked in a senior home for two years on the weekends, and this one is a doozy. Thank goodness it happened during the week when I wasn’t there, I probably would have been sick to my stomach forever if I had witnessed it.

It was lunchtime, and the residents were all seated together at their little tables in the packed dining room. Right in the middle of lunch, one of the ladies had a complete physical, medical meltdown in her entire body. Basically, she literally had a volcanic explosion happen internally, and it poured out externally from every orifice in her body, every bodily fluid we humans have, in great quantities. Blood, vomit, waste, etc., going everywhere. And her blood was rotten and corroted, so it was black-hued and very smelly. She had had some previously undetected internal illness or infection going on in her body for a very long time, and it finally came to a crescendo right there in the dining room in front of everyone. Of course everyone else was freaking out along with her. And the most incredible thing – her table mate was this very stubborn, mean old lady of 104. She was so angry that her lunch was being interrupted by this body volcano that she refused to get up from the table, even though this woman was spewing bodily fluids everywhere. Even when the paramedics came, she wouldn’t move. They had to physically move her from the table in order to get to the lady. 

 

Oh wow. How horrific, and terrible for the lady - and everyone else. I HATE puke, I'm probably the worst person to have around if you're puking - I think I would have probably had a little melt-down of my own if I had witnessed this  I have nothing but admiration for people who can handle things like this! 

[kingsrings]

Even the nurses, who are used to seeing this kind of thing (but not like this!) were in the bathroom gagging and dry-heaving over this. And I guess the smell was even worse. I have never been so glad to have that happen when I was NOT working there. I would of been a basket case, as I can't handle any kind of bodily fluid stuff (blood is not so bad for me). I felt real bad for the people who had to clean it up.

Yeah, on another note, if you were a maintenance worker or maid at the place, one of the unfortunate tasks of your job sometimes was cleaning up gross things that the less-abled residents did on occassion.
Like the old lady who got her kitchen wall mixed up with her toilet - feces was smeared everywhere. On one of my shifts, the intestinal flu hit all of the residents big time, and some of them had trouble making it to the toilet when they had to vomit, much to my pleasure. Eventually all those residents vomiting and diarrheaing created a smell, too.

[Miss Vertigo]

Cats *are* gross, aren't they? One of ours once woke up in my sister's room, where he'd spent the night; came over into my room; threw up on a pile of my clothes; and went promptly back to my sister's room for a nap. I was so insulted!

They are gross, and I'm sure they do it deliberately. I once had a cat who would routinely throw up on anything new that I bought into the house. Playstation, TV, new stereo, new clothes - you name it, he'd puke on it as if to make a point.

All of my current brood are pukers. One of them - the longhair - will occasionally throw up a hairball like a cuban cigar. That's pretty gross, but not as gross as this:

I live in a flat now with wooden floors so it's much easier to clean it up but what I didn't notice when I moved in is that the colour of the floors is just a couple of shades off the delightful hue of cat puke. This makes for some very interesting experiences first thing in the morning. I swear they do it deliberately, right outside my bedroom door so that a) never mind the floor colour, I'm too bleary eyed to see it anyway and b) it's the first thing I tread in.

Kingsrings, the old lady story is the grossest thing I've ever heard.

[kingsrings]

Do I win an award then?? 

[DrinkingTea (was Sneezy)]

One of my cats has decided that The Place to puke is down the side of my dresser.  Maybe he was thinking, 'Gee, puking in the carpet is getting old.  I know!  I'll jump up as high as I can and see how far gravity will pull it!'

[afbluebelle]

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t told this one yet on this thread. I worked in a senior home for two years on the weekends, and this one is a doozy. Thank goodness it happened during the week when I wasn’t there, I probably would have been sick to my stomach forever if I had witnessed it.

It was lunchtime, and the residents were all seated together at their little tables in the packed dining room. Right in the middle of lunch, one of the ladies had a complete physical, medical meltdown in her entire body. Basically, she literally had a volcanic explosion happen internally, and it poured out externally from every orifice in her body, every bodily fluid we humans have, in great quantities. Blood, vomit, waste, etc., going everywhere. And her blood was rotten and corroted, so it was black-hued and very smelly. She had had some previously undetected internal illness or infection going on in her body for a very long time, and it finally came to a crescendo right there in the dining room in front of everyone. Of course everyone else was freaking out along with her. And the most incredible thing – her table mate was this very stubborn, mean old lady of 104. She was so angry that her lunch was being interrupted by this body volcano that she refused to get up from the table, even though this woman was spewing bodily fluids everywhere. Even when the paramedics came, she wouldn’t move. They had to physically move her from the table in order to get to the lady. 

Spontaneous Human Explodey!!!!

When I pass on, I totally want to go out like this... with a bang

[Miss Vertigo]

One of my cats has decided that The Place to puke is down the side of my dresser.  Maybe he was thinking, 'Gee, puking in the carpet is getting old.  I know!  I'll jump up as high as I can and see how far gravity will pull it!'

*cracks up*

I sympathise: I came home last night to find puke all.over. the top of my chest of drawers in the bedroom.

kingsrings, you should definitely win something for that story. I can't see how it can get *any* grosser than that!