Author Topic: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!  (Read 7565 times)

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Dragonflymom

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Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« on: September 19, 2009, 01:52:40 PM »
As a hostess, I really should have used it somewhere in this case.  In my defense, I was caught terribly off guard, and half my attention was focused on a fairly complicated beading project.

This was another armoring/craft workshop that one of our medieval groups was having at our house.  A couple of new guys who my husband was helping make their armor had come inside for a break and some food, and came over to sit at the table where me and another new family were alternately beading and eating.

Everybody was talking for awhile about what projects they'd completed that day, and me and two of the ladies showed off the jewelry we'd been making.

Then completely out of the blue one of the new guys pipes up with "Me and my household all practice *alternative lifestyle*"
New lady who arrived with them:  *looks embarassed* "Except for me".
Me :  *takes bite of sandwich, fiddles with beading project*  "Um ok" 
In retrospect I guess that is where I should have bean dipped, I think I was afraid of seeming judgemental or something.
Conversation goes back to beading and projects for awhile, til New Guy starts up again.
"Do you know what *alternative lifestyle* means?"
Me:  *shrug, look up from project*  "Yeah, a relative of mine practices that"  Another chance where I should have bean dipped.
New guy:  "I have a harem of four women"
Finally I managed at that point to make some silly joke and change the subject, which New Guy rolls his eyes at.

I feel like I made a pretty big screw up of handling this one as a hostess, having read all about bean dipping and then not being able to actually follow through.  I do feel that New Guy was almost pushing for a confrontation or being shocking or something, my impression was that he seemed to keep escalating looking for a response.
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Elfqueen13

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2009, 01:55:32 PM »
I think you did ok.  If he was escalating looking for a response, he likely would have done so over bean-dipping.  Your complete lack of enthusiasm probably shut him down faster than evasion.
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Dragonflymom

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2009, 02:23:36 PM »
Thanks Elfqueen, I have not been too happy with myself over how I handled this one and letting my other guests be subjected to all that, and that puts it in perspective.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

Hanna

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2009, 02:31:19 PM »
I think you handled this as well as possible.

Kimblee

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2009, 02:36:34 PM »
Sounds like a really uncomfortable sittuation.

Was the guy cool other than that?
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Dragonflymom

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2009, 02:40:38 PM »
Thanks Hanna and Kimblee.

You know, other than that, he was mostly pretty quiet, so I couldn't say.  DH seemed to think he was ok other than that outburst though.  He and his friend did donate a bunch of plywood for the group to make shields from which was nice.
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O'Dell

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2009, 04:23:46 PM »
I think you did ok.  If he was escalating looking for a response, he likely would have done so over bean-dipping.  Your complete lack of enthusiasm probably shut him down faster than evasion.

I agree. I can almost see bean-dipping making him behave worse with him confronting you..."Are you trying to change the subject?!" sort of thing.
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MineralDiva

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2009, 05:43:37 PM »
I think you did fine also - and yes, it seems he would have escalated because he was looking for a reaction.  What an inappropriate dolt.  His "harem" must have the collective IQ of a cabbage, in order to find him the least bit interesting on an "alternative lifestyle level."

Dragonflymom

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2009, 07:39:48 PM »
Thanks Sway and Mineral Diva. 

I'm feeling better, since it seems the consensus here is that I did not screw up handling nearly as bad as I had thought.

I have met two of the ladies he's with, and you're right Mineral Diva, while they are very nice girls they seem rather flightly and somewhat lacking in common sense - they showed up at the last event wearing skimpy togas when it was unusually windy and overcast for mid-August, and I felt so bad that I did not bring our cloaks since DH and I were only day-tripping.  Usually we bring all our extra cloaks and then nobody needs them.  I tried loaning my chemise to the younger girl who looked more uncomfortable so that she wouldn't be quite so cold, and while I'd be a little cold without it and with just my linen dress I still wouldn't be nearly as freezing as her, but she wouldn't take it because it would clash with her toga. 
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sammycat

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2009, 07:47:23 PM »
I think you did fine also - and yes, it seems he would have escalated because he was looking for a reaction.  What an inappropriate dolt.  His "harem" must have the collective IQ of a cabbage, in order to find him the least bit interesting on an "alternative lifestyle level."

LOL to bolded. :D

Agreement to the rest as well.

Hanna

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2009, 11:14:00 AM »
I think you did fine also - and yes, it seems he would have escalated because he was looking for a reaction.  What an inappropriate dolt.  His "harem" must have the collective IQ of a cabbage, in order to find him the least bit interesting on an "alternative lifestyle level."

LOL to bolded. :D

Agreement to the rest as well.
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MineralDiva

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2009, 11:06:05 PM »
Thanks Sway and Mineral Diva. 

I'm feeling better, since it seems the consensus here is that I did not screw up handling nearly as bad as I had thought.

I have met two of the ladies he's with, and you're right Mineral Diva, while they are very nice girls they seem rather flightly and somewhat lacking in common sense - they showed up at the last event wearing skimpy togas when it was unusually windy and overcast for mid-August, and I felt so bad that I did not bring our cloaks since DH and I were only day-tripping.  Usually we bring all our extra cloaks and then nobody needs them.  I tried loaning my chemise to the younger girl who looked more uncomfortable so that she wouldn't be quite so cold, and while I'd be a little cold without it and with just my linen dress I still wouldn't be nearly as freezing as her, but she wouldn't take it because it would clash with her toga. 

Nope, you did just fine.  **snorts and laughs at "would clash with her toga." **  I rest my case.  ;)

Twik

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2009, 06:29:59 PM »
Some people love to be shocking. Perhaps that's him.

Otherwise, he may have had a fantasy that you would look at him murmuring, "That's so ... stimulating!" and things would go from there.
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MineralDiva

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2009, 06:32:20 PM »
Some people love to be shocking. Perhaps that's him.

Otherwise, he may have had a fantasy that you would look at him murmuring, "That's so ... stimulating!" and things would go from there.

Thanks, Twik.  I never knew my skin could crawl like that...now I do!  lol  *shudder*

Suze

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Re: Awkward conversation at my table - I should have used it here!
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2009, 07:11:15 PM »
There was a gal that showed up at one event in the windy, windy springtime wearing a "bog dress" (for the unknowing - a bog dress is just a piece of material that you wrap and pin at the sholders, very toga like)

she had not sewn up the "open side"  and was wearing NO underwear (upper or lower)

and was obivious to the material blowing straight out from her side, like a flag.

I think you did fine by your "flat" responses  - and hopefully his "harem" will wake up and dress for the weather
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