Forum Etiquette vs. Real Life Etiquette

[Shores]

I

I haven't figured out a polite way to say, "Okay, then this thread is discussing the other 5,999,999,999 people in the world."

Can you clarify this a bit further for me? I know you used an example, but since no one here really discusses elephant skin, I'm wondering what context you mean. For instance, I really saw a post that says "Bicycles from X City NEVER obey traffic laws!", expressing frustration as a driver. If someone posted "Actually, I'm a bucyclist from X City and I do follow the rules", would that fall under this complaint? Because, in that case, I'D be annoyed at the poster who made such a generalization to begin with. I htink people need to be really careful about every posting something about "All these people" or "every whozit", nobody likes being generalized.

Okay, here's an example, but I want to avoid being too specific.

OP: It has come to my attention that two of the girls in my child's ballet class call her names and ridicule her.  How can I bring that up with the teacher?

Reply: Tell her exactly what's going on, and ask your DD to etc. etc.

and it goes on until we get this:

Reply: OP, I took ballet classes for 28 years and never, ever had another child behave rudely toward me.  I think this is really an isolated incident and one you shouldn't be concerned about.

In other words, when people use their own experience to negate the OP's.  The kind of thing you were talking about (generalizing vis. a specific city, profession, etc.) is rude to begin with.  I'm talking about very very general, human behaviors (common habits, hobbies, etc.) that people discount because it doesn't match their own, personal experience.

Ah, ok! Thanks! Totally different than the way I interpreted it the first time. I do agree with you there.

[twinkletoes]

I

I haven't figured out a polite way to say, "Okay, then this thread is discussing the other 5,999,999,999 people in the world."

Can you clarify this a bit further for me? I know you used an example, but since no one here really discusses elephant skin, I'm wondering what context you mean. For instance, I really saw a post that says "Bicycles from X City NEVER obey traffic laws!", expressing frustration as a driver. If someone posted "Actually, I'm a bucyclist from X City and I do follow the rules", would that fall under this complaint? Because, in that case, I'D be annoyed at the poster who made such a generalization to begin with. I htink people need to be really careful about every posting something about "All these people" or "every whozit", nobody likes being generalized.

Okay, here's an example, but I want to avoid being too specific.

OP: It has come to my attention that two of the girls in my child's ballet class call her names and ridicule her.  How can I bring that up with the teacher?

Reply: Tell her exactly what's going on, and ask your DD to etc. etc.

and it goes on until we get this:

Reply: OP, I took ballet classes for 28 years and never, ever had another child behave rudely toward me.  I think this is really an isolated incident and one you shouldn't be concerned about.

In other words, when people use their own experience to negate the OP's.  The kind of thing you were talking about (generalizing vis. a specific city, profession, etc.) is rude to begin with.  I'm talking about very very general, human behaviors (common habits, hobbies, etc.) that people discount because it doesn't match their own, personal experience.

Something like that happened to me!  Obviously, it wasn't ballet class, but I said "IME, such-and-such happens at a particualr religious ceremony for a particular religion."  Someone posted to effect of "Hmmm....I've never seen that."  I felt like I was called a liar, but without using those specific words.

[Hanna]

I haven't figured out a polite way to say, "Okay, then this thread is discussing the other 5,999,999,999 people in the world."

For me this is a way that forums are similar to in-person conversations.  We are sometimes hesitant to speak up and say "It sounds like you are negating my experience with your comment" for fear of offending someone else.

[nyarlathotep]

I'm one of the serial IA-users on this board, and I think posters here have a good point- the phrase does tend to take on a life of its own. Perhaps using a different phrase to correct peoples' assumptions might be more prudent. I do, however, object to people making inaccurate generalisations. "All people who do Y are Xs" or "Everyone who does (non-etiquette-related thing) is rude" never ever sit well with me.

[Dindrane]

I'm one of the serial IA-users on this board, and I think posters here have a good point- the phrase does tend to take on a life of its own. Perhaps using a different phrase to correct peoples' assumptions might be more prudent. I do, however, object to people making inaccurate generalisations. "All people who do Y are Xs" or "Everyone who does (non-etiquette-related thing) is rude" never ever sit well with me.

They don't sit well with me, either.  I really think it's just an issue of those specific words causing a reaction that's all out of proportion to what they theoretically say, because of the way this forum advocates the use of those specific words.

So the obvious solution is to present the same ideas with words that are less loaded, and then you can make a point that probably is valid without causing WWIII.