A new use for facebook?? FINAL UPDATE #22

[JustEstelle]

When I take my chat feature offline, am I then not showing up for chat on other people's facebook pages?  That's the only way I could figure that I might disable the feature.  And I looked all over the place.

That's correct.

Great!  I'll keep it offline from here on out, just in case!

Thank you to all who responded.  You've helped me a great deal!

[yam]

Is it possible they didn't realize you were home, or weren't sure if you got the phone message? Maybe they were just trying a second way to reach you as a backup. For example, sometimes I'll call a person's home number, and if they don't answer, will leave a message and then call on their cell.

[mindyourmanners]

I don't know and I may be wrong but I get the feeling that you are feeling that your dh is being used for his handyman services on a "on call" basis but not being paid appropriately for it...and that is the source of your iritation.

And I think you are correct to feel that way.

I think your dh should forget about beandipping and just tell his friend that although he likes to help him out he really can not continue because of the payment issues that have come up and his income or lack thereof from these jobs that friend wants him to do effects your household and he doesn't want this to affect their friendship so he's not going to be available in that capacity in the future.

as for the fb issues...I don't use fb, couldn't tell you a thing about it but
I don't like being pressured either and if you call me and get the machine I don't want a chat to pop up, or my cell (I dont' even have a cell I hate them so much) to ring etc.... give me a minute already ....I'm b-u-s-y. I'll get back to you when I can.
It's rude to pester people.

[sammycat]

I don't know and I may be wrong but I get the feeling that you are feeling that your dh is being used for his handyman services on a "on call" basis but not being paid appropriately for it...and that is the source of your iritation.

And I think you are correct to feel that way.

I think your dh should forget about beandipping and just tell his friend that although he likes to help him out he really can not continue because of the payment issues that have come up and his income or lack thereof from these jobs that friend wants him to do effects your household and he doesn't want this to affect their friendship so he's not going to be available in that capacity in the future.

Agreed.

[TootsNYC]

At work, when I really need to get ahold of someone, I double-team them. Sometimes I triple team them. I usually call first. If I don't get an answer, I will send an e-mail (bcs sometimes they're on their Blackberry but not the phone; or bcs I can send extra detail in the e-mail, and the phone message simply says, "I need you urgently for XYZ, details are in the e-mail I sent). And the "triple" comes in when I walk over to their desk to ask their coworkers where they are.

But that's only for when I really need someone as soon as possible. All messages say, "I also [sent you an e-mail/left you a voicemail message] and this is important, and here's what and why.

What they did was just badgering, and it's rude.

How about "I'm really not comfortable playing receptionist for my husband over facebook, because there is no guarantee that I can do it in a timely fashion.  You will have much more success if you or your husband contact him directly, so that you don't have to worry about me forgetting to pass along a message."


In my mind, if its urgent/an emergency, you should say so in the message.  If its not, trying to get in touch with you to get to your husband after leaving him a message just seems off.  Perhaps not rude or wrong, but just kind of like  . 

My mother's stance was, "I am not my husband's secretary; I will forget to tell him something, or get it wrong. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. And really, if you call, leave a message with some kind of detail."

I don't know and I may be wrong but I get the feeling that you are feeling that your dh is being used for his handyman services on a "on call" basis but not being paid appropriately for it...and that is the source of your iritation.

And I think you are correct to feel that way.

I think your dh should forget about beandipping and just tell his friend that although he likes to help him out he really can not continue because of the payment issues that have come up and his income or lack thereof from these jobs that friend wants him to do effects your household and he doesn't want this to affect their friendship so he's not going to be available in that capacity in the future.

This is such nice wording.

And I agree with all these points.

And we're not supposed to be quoting bible verses, but there's one that is popping to my mind. Grrrrr.

[BettyDraper]

Let me clarify:  It was a chat message, only visible to me.  It came just MINUTES after her husband left a voice message on our machine.  DH already knew the guy wanted him to call, so I'm confused as to why he wanted me to have DH call him.  I doubt it was to say he was coming over with payment in hand.  Rather, I think it was wanting DH to do something for him.  That's been the usual nature of calls from this guy.

I just really feel uncomfortable being put on the spot like that, especially after we've just gotten a message from the guy.  He has DH's cell, as well as our home number.  He's done this before - call and leave a message and then immediately get his wife to text me on facebook.

I guess I'm just bothered by the whole "telling the wife on DH" thing that's going on here.  DH didn't pick up, the guy said he wanted DH to call him back, so he gets me to "make" him call.  I feel like I'm being used, and I don't like that.

I really don't see the big deal.  She had no idea when you might glance at your Facebook messages; maybe they were trying to cover all bases. I don't see it as "telling on DH" -- she may have considered it a family matter.

Your DH shouldn't have let the payment issue drop; next time get the person to sign a written work order with a stated dollar amount.

[Nurvingiel]

WRT your update, it seems you and your husband are on the same page if he's not interested in working for them.

[JustEstelle]

* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *

I received a message back from the wife, apologizing for what happened.  I don't think I'll have to worry again about a repeat of the actions of the other night.  She said that she knew it was rude to bug us like that, especially after her DH had just called but her DH had insisted.

As for my DH doing more work for them, I guess we'll see.  He tends to want to continue bean-dipping to the point of it almost becoming PA.  He just doesn't want to hurt people.  So we stew over it instead.  


(edited for clarity)

[VorFemme]

I remember someone on another list who did X for a living (whether baking a cake, sewing a dress, or painting a house) would get "requests" from friends and family to do X as a favor instead of as a paid job.

They were told that PAID work had priority as the money went to support the family.  Favors were done "when she/he got around to it" and it might take a while as they hadn't gotten a round tuit lately (joke).  The "favors" might wait a year or longer...........paid work was worked into the regular scheduled work on the basis of "first in, first out" unless it could be combined into a batch of similar jobs (say, making six identical what-is-its instead of four in the same work session).

Perhaps your husband could make a similar policy?  He will come over to work on *the situation* when he has free time or they can PAY and he will be over within (reasonable period of time - say two work days unless it is an emergency situation).  "Favors" can be paid for later or in kind - "work" will need to be paid in full at the time or their next job will be scheduled as a "favor" until the balance owed has been paid.

Also remember - after stating the price & terms, the first person to blink (or ask questions about "but what if....") looses...........so your DH needs to tell these friends that "these are the rules" and sit back.  If they say anything but, "fine, we'll write you a check/have the cash ready when you get here".........then the priority of their "favors" goes down.

[JustEstelle]

VorFemme, I like that idea very much.  I'm going to pass it along to my DH.  Thanks!

[Nurvingiel]

VorFemme, I like that idea very much.  I'm going to pass it along to my DH.  Thanks!

I agree, it's a gentle approach, but it also keeps the priorities straight. I really like it.

(Also, "Sorry, I can't do that" and variants are really not hurtful. They aren't. )