Author Topic: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress  (Read 6883 times)

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claddagh lass

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Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« on: October 13, 2009, 11:51:46 AM »
BG:  I used to know a girl about my age who I was friends with for a while.  About four years ago she started blaming me and everyone else for her troubles.  She was jealous that I could draw and she couldn't, she blamed someone else for being better looking.  It finally came to a head when she cussed me out on a messageboard and then demanded I apologize for being "better" at something that she was.

I didn't want to engage her in an argument so I quietly took the complete silence way and bowed out.  About a week later I kept on getting messages from her and her friends.  The messages were both pleading and demanding calling me every name in the book.  I ended up blocking them all from my e-mail account.

Around this time also she was engaged to be married and in the beginning when we were friends she asked me to make her her wedding dress and I said I'd be honored to.  I heard later that the engagement fell through and they broke up.

End BG

Today the phone rang and I got it.  It was her on the other end announcing she was engaged again and said, "Remember that dress you promised you'd make me?"

After picking my jaw up off the floor I said, "I'm sorry, we've got very stormy weather here so I've got to go."  ((Which is true, we have one big storm here right now.))

Her:  "About the dress...?"
Me:  "I'm sorry, but that won't be possible.  We've got lightning!  Gotta go!" and I hung up.

She called back but I let the answering machine pick it up.

I personally feel it takes a lot of guts to call me back after that.  I've forgiven her and I wish her all the best for what she chooses to persue in life.  But something in the back of my mind is nagging me making me wonder if I chose the right path by saying "it won't be possible."

Shoo

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2009, 12:10:12 PM »
She's probably going to call back when the weather clears up, you know.  You basically just put her off temporarily.  You're going to have to be blunt and make it stick, I think. 

Next time she asks, you will be better prepared, so you don't have to blame the weather for having to get of the phone.  :)  Tell her you have no interest in making a wedding dress for her, but you wish her all the best.  Good luck and goodbye.

Namárië

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2009, 12:37:41 PM »
I agree with Shoo, unless you want to make her wedding dress. Then you say "Sure, it will be $X00 for time and materials." (Or, "I will send you a quote for time and materials.")
Competence is a trap!
I mostly don't make stuff, but sometimes I do: http://initiationcreation.blogspot.com

Sophia

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2009, 12:53:20 PM »
"That offer expired when you harassed me"

claddagh lass

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2009, 01:39:02 PM »
Thanks for the suggestions.  If and when she does call back I'll be sure to use them.  I'll be polite but also firm.

rashea

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 02:39:25 PM »
"That offer expired when you harassed me"

But then she'll argue that she didn't harass the OP. I'd stick to "I'm not going to make your dress, it simply won't be possible. But good luck in your life."
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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Sophia

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2009, 02:53:48 PM »
"That offer expired when you harassed me"

But then she'll argue that she didn't harass the OP. I'd stick to "I'm not going to make your dress, it simply won't be possible. But good luck in your life."

Yeah, that is true.  Or, maybe that it was justified because the OP blah, blah, blah" 

PaddedPaws

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2009, 04:10:29 PM »
I agree with everybody else. It's best to stay away from her drama lest, on her wedding day, she throws a tantrum over you being a better seamstress than her!

If you feel a need to explain the reason, you can say that circumstances have changed, you have other commitments, and so you are no longer available to make her dress. As others have said, it will be important to be firm and keep repeating yourself until she gives up.

missmolly

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2009, 07:41:32 PM »
Be firm, and don't give her specific reasons for not making her dress, as she will try to argue her way around them. Simply say: "Circumstances have changed, I will not be making your dress", and repeat.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

claddagh lass

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2009, 07:49:53 PM »
She did call me back and started up again.

I stayed polite by telling her that it couldn't be done.  I have my reasons why and I refused to go into detail.  I told her I wished her the best in her marriage and future and to please stop calling me because I wasn't going to change my rules.

I told my parents if she calls again to let the answering machine pick it up.  If she does I'll report her to the phone service companies.

rhirhi

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2009, 12:16:26 AM »
You handled it greatly, I just have some words of warning:

Be ready for the flying monkeys* you know they are around the corner

*for people who don't know- Flying Monkeys are friends or family to hound the OP into doing what the ex-friend wants. Like in Oz, the West Witch sent her Monkeys to get Dorothy.

Stoneway

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2009, 11:21:28 AM »
Ah those monkeys gave me nightmares as a child!  The main reason I’ve never liked that movie.  OP, I think you handled your toxic ex-friend brilliantly.

claddagh lass

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2009, 04:54:27 PM »
Thank you. 

Any messages I get can go into the junk mail or voice mail.  So far no flying monkeys which I'm not complaining about.

I could do a lot with flying monkeys or minions...  ;)

Amava

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Re: Used it today in regards for a wedding dress
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2009, 01:28:02 PM »
Be firm, and don't give her specific reasons for not making her dress, as she will try to argue her way around them. Simply say: "Circumstances have changed, I will not be making your dress", and repeat.

Exactly, "circumstances have changed", that is all the reason she needs to know. I like that.  :)