Dear Dog:

[Elfqueen13]

(I looked back in the archive and didn't see one already in existence, at least not that has been posted in recently.)

Dear Dog:

I understand that getting fixed was possibly the most traumatic experience of your short life.  I understand you were not a puppy when it was done, and that you were actually used to those bits being there.  But I have to tell you, dear dog, you cannot lick them back into place!  So quit trying.

Love,

Mommy

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Dog,

I love you quite a bit, and I especially love going out to play with you in the backyard.  That being said, I don't think it was necessary to spend 5 minutes last night chasing you around the tree as you tried to eat dead grass.  Think about it, dog.  That's just a silly, stupid thing to do.  Then again, most of the time you are a silly, stupid dog.  Also, we moved your bed into our room so that you would be more likely to sleep on your bed, not take over our bed.  Kindly stop thinking of our bed as yours, and stop making heartbreaking noises when we force you to lay on your bed.  I promise, it really is comfortable!

Love you,
Dogzard

[ShieldMaiden]

Dear Pilsner,

Yes, I know it's shaped like a ball.  And yes, it's a very bright color orange just like some of your other playthings.  However, the pumpkin on our front porch is not your toy.  Please stop looking at me with sad puppy eyes while you sit by the window to stare forlornly at it.  You have millions of other toys just for you, please play with them (or at the very least, put them all back in their bin!).

Lovingly,
Your mummy

[Shoo]

Dear Dog,
Stealing my breakfast was not the best way to start the day.  For either of us.

[PeasNCues]

Dear Scotch:

yes that is a towel. A clean towel, in fact. Thank you for getting it for me, it's good to see that you have strong retrieval instincts. However, now that you've slobbered on it, it needs to be cleaned again.

It is not necessary for you to fetch clean clothes from the laundry room.

Thanks.
--PeasNCues

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Valentine,

We know puppies like to run. But ripping the leash out of daddy's hand and running down the street is dangerous.  I hate to think what could have happened if nice neighbor hadn't snagged you by the collar and brought you home.  Please don't do that again.  We love you too much to have anything bad happen.

Love,
Mommy

[L.A. Lady]

Dear Elfqueen's dog

while you can not like your balls into place, it is my understanding you get them back when you go to heaven. I hope this helps.

Cheers,
L.A. Lady's dog

[pinkunicorn]

Dear Dog:

The litter box is not a substitute for your food bowl. But I do appreciate your presence, because it reminds me to keep the litter box clean and lump-free!

However, I do appreciate the constant reminders of exactly where the doggy snacks are! I think the linoleum is beginning to get worn from your foot stomping and jumping. It needs to be replaced anyway!

Love, Pinkunicorn

[newbiePA]

Dear Dog:

yes, balls are fun.  They roll and you can chase them.  However, those small, white dimply balls?  The ones that are in the big yard behind our house?  They belong to the men with sticks.  I don't think they want to play fetch.  Let's play with one of your thousands of other toys, instead.

newbiePA

[Starchasm]

Dear Dog,

It's sweet that you try to protect mommy, but I promise you that no matter how hard you try you will not beat that thunderstorm.  Even if it were corporeal, you weigh 15 pounds and you're missing a leg.  Just take a nap, it'll be more restful for both of us.

Starchasm

[jane7166]

Dear Dog,

While it is very exciting that someone is walking on the sidewalk, Mommy and Daddy don't really need to know that.  It's not necessary to bark.  It's even not necessary to bark when people are walking other dogs on the sidewalk.  It's not necessary to immediately know when the mail truck is coming either.  And while I can understand that you hate the UPS trucks, the nice men will ring the doorbell and let us know if the package is for us.  It's not necessary to bark when other neighbors are getting a package. 

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

[Veronica]

Dear Dogs:

I know that I'm using a different door to let you out back because the sliding door isn't working, but stop getting so excited.  It is still the same yard!   Also, Abbydog I have the door propped open, you can come and go to your heart's content.  Please stop sitting by the sliding door waiting to be let in.   

Veronica

[Sabbyfrog2]

Dear jack,

You have a bed of your own, the couch, daddy and my bed, two pillows, and the spot by the window all free for you to lay in. Please stop sleeping in my laundry basket full of clean clothes that I am waiting to fold. Also, please stop dragging the sheets that are waiting for a wash back into the bedroom so that you can lay on them.

Love,
Sabbyfrog

P.S. How in the world have you been getting the laundry room door open? 

[RebeccainGA]

Dear Schroder,

I know, you have some equipment that your sister doesn't have. That state will be remedied soon enough, for the most part, once you and Aunt Cindy's doggy have some quality time and you plant some seeds. Until then, enjoy them, but PLEASE stop shoving your hind end in my face to show them off. I know you're proud.

Dear Sassparilla,

I know you like having tummy rubs, and think it's silly that brother has all those extra bits there that you don't so he doesn't get *tummy* rubs, he gets *chest* rubs. However, they're there, some of it permanently. Please stop trying to remove them. Thanks!

[drebay]

Dear Abby,

Please stop pulling dirty underwear out of the laundry room.  That is embarassing!



The rest of us that share the house.