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  • December 13, 2017, 11:04:55 PM

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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 679008 times)

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Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3315 on: November 16, 2017, 06:12:49 PM »
Dear Rika,

I think you've impressed the vet. You left your stitches alone the entire week-and-a-bit without having to wear the Cone of Shame. Thank you for behaving; next time I go down the shops I'll be sure to bring you some Cheetos as you've been very good.

Dear Altair,

Please don't sing. You're badly off key.

Dear Freya,

If you'd hold still for longer than a nanosecond we could get all those mats out your ruff and I wouldn't have to pin you down and listen to you squall like the world is ending. ::)

Dear Branwen,

Please. Stop eating the spider plant. It's been put in a cage for its own protection. How can you even reach far enough in there to tip it over and munch on its leaves anyway? At least it's not poisonous to animals...

Sigh,
the Not-Furry One.
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3316 on: November 19, 2017, 02:59:13 AM »
Dear Robert,

You is going to be a heartbreaker when you grow up, yes you is...

You've lowered the I.Q. of this house just by being linked to it.

Regards,
Soon-to-be Mum.
P.S. Kitten Pics: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=143871.0

Mel the Redcap

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3317 on: November 21, 2017, 04:27:06 AM »
Dear Holly,

My hip replacement surgery had to be rescheduled because you jumped up on my lap, skidded, and scratched me. This means two more weeks of me not being able to take half my meds and being in quite a lot of pain, and I don't want it to be rescheduled again, so I'm taking precautions! Yes, I trimmed your claws. Yes, every time I sit down there's a quilt in my lap. Yes, when you try to dig the edge of the quilt up to make a cave and get under it I stop you.

Live with it. :P

Increasingly strained love, Me.

Dear Holly,

Are you trying to sabotage my surgery?! The new surgery date is tomorrow, I've made it this far without scratches (without much cooperation from you - really, you won't die if I don't let you under the quilt that's on my lap), and then... I sat down on my bed for a moment while I was looking for something, and you used my leg as a springboard to get up on the bedhead.

I felt your claws. You came this||close to scratching me again, you little rotter, and I had my heart in my mouth until I checked and made sure you hadn't actually broken skin! :o

In short, stoppit!

Sort-of love, Me

Dear Holly,

Yes, I'm home. Yes, I'm happy I'm home too. I'm very glad you decided that "you left and abandoned me" mode was no fun after about thirty seconds, and switched into "you're back I missed you I was alone and starving" mode instead. The Good Ethnic Boy is also very glad that you've stopped acting like he's killed me and hidden my body in the back yard and is going to move on to you. Yes, sweetheart, I want snuggles too.

Can we just do the snuggles without you planting one paw firmly on my surgical incision, please?

Love, Me
"Set aphasia to stun!"

JeanFromBNA

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3318 on: November 21, 2017, 05:53:37 PM »
Dear Harry,

I hate toe jam, too, but do you have to clean them so loudly right before we go to bed every. single. night?

Love,

Yer grossed-out-mom

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3319 on: November 22, 2017, 02:13:08 AM »
Dear Harry,

Well done for us kittehs. Does you do it while purring loudly? I make noises like wet sponges being chewed by a lawnmower next to Mummy's head every night using my belly. Mummy puts her head under the fluffy thing and makes muffled noises.

Regards,
Matilda

P.S. Do you wiggle toe in ears to get more nice-to-eat?

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3320 on: November 22, 2017, 12:36:03 PM »
Dear Altair,

Contrary to what you may believe, I am not, in fact, murdering you, injuring you, or in fact even vaguely wishing any sort of harm upon you. You had litter stuck in your toes. I removed it. It is not the end of the world. You can stop growling at me every time I even think about looking in your direction.

Although you'll really be displeased when I try to remove that little bit of goo you've got in the corner of your eye...

Grumble,
the Not-Furry One.

(The joys of dealing with semi-feral kittens. ::) He loves me, really he does...)
"Ah, yes. I forgot you've taken levels in Defeating Paperwork."


atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3321 on: November 23, 2017, 05:29:34 AM »
Dear Matilda,

Ok, yes you have killed your prey. It was truly disturbing to come back into the room to find your front half buried in its guts. There were short scatterings of things that had been inside it all over the room, and an echoing and disturbing purr disturbed only by the sound of ripping from inside it.

Why, exactly, did you decide to eviscerate the server? I only had the side off for a minute while I went to get a screwdriver. You've seen it like that before and never shown any interest at all.

Thank heavens it was unplugged. Now, so is every wire that was in it... some with toothmarks.

Regards,
Mum (Looking at one enormous rebuild job this afternoon)
P.S. I've had to count wires and can confirm all are present, so it doesn't look like she ate any.
P.P.S. Why yes, I did scream when I saw it.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3322 on: November 24, 2017, 07:28:14 PM »
Dear Harry,

Well done for us kittehs. Does you do it while purring loudly? I make noises like wet sponges being chewed by a lawnmower next to Mummy's head every night using my belly. Mummy puts her head under the fluffy thing and makes muffled noises.

Regards,
Matilda

P.S. Do you wiggle toe in ears to get more nice-to-eat?
Dear Matilda:

Word.

Harry.

Twik

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3323 on: November 27, 2017, 09:15:26 AM »
Dear Snowie,

Despite appearances, I didn't kidnap you, only to be found out by your Mom later.

It's your own fault. You slipped out of your apartment when your Mom was going out for the evening. Then you couldn't get back in. No, howling at an empty apartment won't get you admitted. So I took you to mine and left a note for them.

I'm sorry you had to stay in my bathroom all evening until she returned, but I have a cat myself who wasn't all that happy to share his personal space with a stranger. I gave you food, water and a litter pan, and I saw you found my sink an appropriate resting place.

Your Mom was very happy to get you back. You could have said goodbye pleasantly, not hissed at me.

A Neighbour
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

gingerzing

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3324 on: November 27, 2017, 10:22:12 AM »
Dear Rosie-
Such a good little mouser you are.  *Though I am annoyed at the little buggers figuring out how to get into my house.*
I am glad you waited until after the cat-sitter left to kill the one you did over the holiday weekend.  Thanks for leaving it out in the middle of the kitchen to greet me when I went to put cooler stuff away.  That was just....swell.
Oh, and I really don't need 40-50 minutes of you singing the song of your people about the fact that the cat sitter was in the house.  (our extremely nice neighbor lady). 

And, no, you won't be getting extra food. She was trying to suck up to you. Quityercomplaining.

Mama

-Darcy, you don't have to hide for two hours after we get home.  Please come out so I don't worry.


atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3325 on: December 09, 2017, 07:09:35 AM »
Dear Matilda,

I know cats like and boxes, but really? Pizza boxes?

How did you get yourself that flat? I didn't know you were in there until I looked down and saw the tail sticking out.

Regards,
Mum

athersgeo

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3326 on: December 11, 2017, 02:43:57 AM »
Dear Matilda,

I know cats like and boxes, but really? Pizza boxes?

How did you get yourself that flat? I didn't know you were in there until I looked down and saw the tail sticking out.

Regards,
Mum

Dear Mum

I thought you knew: cats is a liquid. We can take on any shape to fit any container.

Matilda

Chez Miriam

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3327 on: December 11, 2017, 10:41:41 AM »
Dear Matilda,

I know cats like and boxes, but really? Pizza boxes?

How did you get yourself that flat? I didn't know you were in there until I looked down and saw the tail sticking out.

Regards,
Mum

Dear Mum

I thought you knew: cats is a liquid. We can take on any shape to fit any container.

Matilda

Dear Matilda,

I think I love you! ;D

Random Internet Lady
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

Miss Misery

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3328 on: December 11, 2017, 07:33:33 PM »
Dear Frappy,

You are not going back outside. It is too cold. You will freeze your little buns off.

athersgeo

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #3329 on: Yesterday at 05:07:59 AM »
Dear Loki

Perhaps getting into the pot of chili that we'd accidentally left open to thievery will teach you that things the humans leave on the stove top really aren't destined for your greedy little tummy.

Granted, the chili pawprints on the stove top were amusing (mum was less amused - she'd only just cleaned it) and to judge by the way you inhaled your breakfast as normal it clearly hasn't done you any harm. And yes, I know. We should have known better than to leave it uncovered, but still - couldn't you *smell* that it wasn't going to be tasty as far as you were concerned?

Regards

The Staff

PS Stop looking at us like the weather is our fault - trust us, if we could make it any warmer, we would.