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  • February 12, 2016, 12:22:02 PM

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Author Topic: Daycare  (Read 2449 times)

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jpcher

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2016, 07:08:15 PM »
First, I want to say to the OP that it sounds like you're in a perfect place for the children's (and your) transition. It's not very often that parents get the chance of a "trial run" (one day a week for several weeks) in order to see if it was a good fit. So you do have that going for you.

To ease your mind and trying to help you overcome the scariness of it all, keep reading over and over, what you wrote. (make it your mantra ;)) Everything here is very positive:

Weíve been extremely impressed with the new centre so far, itís only been a couple of weeks but the vibe we get is very good, the kids are both super happy at drop-off and pick-up,  exactly as they are with their old centre in fact!  So no drama.    In addition to being a stoneís throw from home, the new centre is also significantly cheaper (itís council owned, not for profit) and smaller (the kids donít have to change rooms each year, our son will stay in the same room until they go to school) and has great outdoor facilities.

Yes, transitions are scary and you'll quite often wonder if you're doing the right thing. Because, after all, you've never been a parent of a 3 and 1.5 year old before so this is all new to you! Trust me, you'll still be wondering about doing the right thing for them when they are 13 and 11.5 years old.

Ease up on yourself. It's a great parent who still wonders/questions if it's the right thing to do even though deep down you know that it's the best decision . . . What does their father think about this transition? Is he able to help ease your mind?

Now is the time to coach your kids about moving on. Yes, it's sad to leave the old place (Let's make thank-you and good-bye cards!) but it's also exciting about going to the new place full time! ;D



 


That being said, and not to shake you up because I don't think this applies to you, but just another good point about you having a trial run and are pleased with the new daycare before making a final commitment. I really wish that I had that opportunity!

And you did ask about our experiences ;):

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, as it's meant to be positive, but in all honesty, with children as young as 3 and 1.5, they're not going to remember the old daycare once they're settled into the new daycare and it becomes the new normal.  :)

Agreed with the 1.5yr old but the 3 year old might still remember bad things :'(

After a couple of trials, when DD#1 was first going to day care (in-my-home shared nanny and an at-home (her house) child provider . . . I can tell you stories about those mistakes ::)) I finally found the Perfect Day Care (PDC). The DDs were happy, I was happy, the providers were absolutely wonderful!

The unfortunate thing about PDC was that they only took children until they went to Kindergarten. So, the summer when DD#1 was 5 and DD#2 was 3 I searched high and low for a different day care. One important thing that I needed was transport to Kindergarten and back, so my choices were limited. I narrowed it down to two places, went back for second interviews, and even popped in unexpectedly.

I seriously thought about leaving DD#2 at PDC until she went to kindergarten and placing DD#1 with the different day care, but a part of me felt strongly about keeping the two together. Which, in the end, turned out to be a good thing because they had each other to cling to.

I finally decided on my first choice, but by that time they were already full. I signed the DDs up to my second choice.

Sigh. It was not a happy year for them. After a few months of them coming home in not so happy moods (with a few stories about the situation which I talked to the day care providers about) and more than a few tearful morning good byes (which broke my heart) I started looking for different places, to no avail. Granted, they were used to the wonderfulness of PDC but their complaints were valid. I was stuck! I wanted to take time off to be a SAHM but that wasn't in the cards. So my DDs suffered. (Nothing abusive, just not a happy/good environment.)

I was finally able to move them to my first choice place and things just got better from there.


To this day (they are 23 & 21 and "grew up to be lovely, well-mannered people with no visible emotional scars and who definitely never feature as the villain in an eHell tale" ;D, they still shudder when they talk about that place, and I've learned some things after the fact (like when Randy was mowing the lawn and mowed over a baby rabbit's nest . . .  :o) Okay. Bad mom me!

I ask them "Why did you not tell me about these things?" Their response is "We were trying to be good."



So, Op . . . remind yourself that you are in a much better place than I was.

Wishing you the confidence that you need and sending you virtual chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate to be shared with your family for the great choice that you made.

You're an awesome mom. ;D
« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 07:16:39 PM by jpcher »

bonyk

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2016, 07:12:43 PM »
I was in a very similar situation -- commuting to old 'academically strong nursery school' (where DD loved it and was challenged and thriving) and had to switch to local 'hugs and kisses play-based nursery'. I was convinced I was stunting her academically and was going to emotionally scar her.

About a year later, DD is ridiculously happy and still progressing academically.  She begs to go to school on days I'm home.  Looking back, I feel silly for making the commute for as long as I did.

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2016, 08:14:35 PM »
Thanks lovely eHellions for sharing your experiences and thoughts!   

And nothing came across as harsh - it was all things I know to be true (particularly it being harder on me than on the kids!) but I needed to hear other people say it to make sure it's not just me validating my own decision and to stop second-guessing myself.    :)

I felt sad telling the old daycare yesterday at pick-up that it we are withdrawing, particularly seeing my kids so happy playing with their friends.    But by the time I got home (after a particularly awful commute!) I remembered why we started looking for a new centre in the first place!   School just restarted for the year here so traffic and public transport are all back to their usual crazy levels.  Unfortunately old daycare insist upon 4 weeks notice being charged - even though they have a full waiting list - and we can't afford to double up and pay for both, so I'll have one final month of the crazy commute and then a whole new era begins for our family.    Which reminds me, I need to call today and find out exactly how long new daycare can hold the spots they've created, they told us we could have a couple of weeks so will take as long as we can to avoid double-up.    On another note, my daughter got bitten by another child at old daycare yesterday, and while I know that can happen anywhere it does feel as though the universe is sending signs and trying to push me towards the new daycare!   ;D
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oz diva

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2016, 09:09:49 PM »
My kids had a variety of day care places, some of which they enjoyed and others no so much. Now they're 13 & 12, I seriously doubt they remember any of it. In other words, don't stress it. The new place sounds great and it'll be nice to save some money.

Victoria

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #19 on: February 01, 2016, 10:41:58 PM »
. What does their father think about this transition? Is he able to help ease your mind?

For him it's all about what's best for me ("happy wife, happy life" he claims) and he sees the stress on me.   He can help with the daycare pick-ups (and possibly drop offs too) at the new centre, whereas it was out of his way to come to the one next to my work -  last year I would break down and insist on him doing it, he would of course agree, but then I would feel bad making him drive so far out of his way for somewhere I was going anyway, so I nearly always changed my mind ended up doing it myself.    (One time I was so stressed that we actually drove in together to do the drop-off, and he then went to his work afterwards, making him horribly late!)     He likes the new centre, he hadn't been there until the kids' first day but he agreed with what I had described - that it's very relaxed and a much more calm environment.  He did pick-up last week while I went straight home and enjoyed 45min at home by myself.   ;D     He says what you have all said, which is that the change and saying goodbye will be harder on me than on the kids.  He doesn't want to minimise my feelings though by telling me it will all be ok, because he knows that annoys me!    But he's definitely on-board with the change.


Now is the time to coach your kids about moving on. Yes, it's sad to leave the old place (Let's make thank-you and good-bye cards!) but it's also exciting about going to the new place full time! ;D

Definitely, I've broached the topic with Levi already, he keeps smiling and saying "But I like both mummy!  I like <abc care> and <new care>!"   but I think he'll definitely be ok with it.   One other relief is we had our first outside-of-daycare interaction with a daycare friend last week, when we invited his best daycare friend to his birthday party.  So I have the mother's details and we can arrange playdates.  So that will help too - he won't be saying goodbye to all of his friends forever!


You're an awesome mom. ;D

Why thank you!    :D
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Deetee

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #20 on: February 01, 2016, 11:02:53 PM »
I moved my kid from one great daycare to another to avoid 20 minutes extra in the car.  (10 minutes each way). That matters after work. So I support the move! Cars and kids are dreadful at the end of the day.

edit to add: Your mom did you no favours at all raising you to think that daycare was some terrible thing. We do what is right for our entire family. And the family gets to decide.

I even take offense at people who suggest that the only reason to put your kid in daycare is because you can't afford to stay home. NOPE. My husband and I work because we both love our jobs and enjoy the work and (yes) the financial comfort it provides. It would be technically possible for one of us to stay home and still have warmth and shelter on one salary, but neither of wish to be a full time parent. That is the best choice for my family.

In my sister's household, there is a stay at home parent and that works very well for them. That is the best choice for her family.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2016, 01:47:25 PM by Deetee »

cicero

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2016, 06:33:57 AM »
Chiming in late but just wanted to say that you are doing the right thing.  IMHO and from my own experience with my son (so OBVIOUSLY YMMV)  unless you are sending them to the school Matilda went to,   logistics are really important.  It's hard enough getting a family organized and out the door. If you can reduce commute time to a minimum,  you're golden.  As I child I ended up moving a few times and switched a number of schools.  So did my son.  Some were good moves,  some less,  but I  wouldn't say that there was any lasting trauma.  I didn't go to school till age five (which I personally think was a mistake but that was the trend at the time.  My late mother didn't go out to work until my youngest siblings were four,  and even then she worked in their preschool).  My son went to day care from age 2.5 and did really well.

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fountainof

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #22 on: February 06, 2016, 10:05:42 AM »
It is interesting to read about the kids not liking the new 40 minute drive.  I have never really understood why people choose childcare by their homes and not by their works so I guess that must be it? 

When DD was a baby/toddler she was in a home daycare and as she turned two she outgrew it a bit.  She didn't like the provider's daughter than much and the provider, while a very nice woman, was annoyed that DD didn't nap.  It stressed me out so much to hear about the complaints that on a whim I applied to the childcare near my office and figured it would be a long waiting list.  Somehow everything aligned and DD got a spot within the month after the application!  They gave me just 1 day to decide as they had a list (DD was just the right age they were missing as they tried to have even kids across ages).  Telling the provider who watched DD since age 9 months was really hard for me but DD loved the move (after a week, the first week she was weepy).  A big centre with 50 kids was a better fit for her than the small home 5 kids place.  Some people I know would think I was crazy as home daycare can be more like being at home but I realized being at home was not for DD she needs way more social interaction than just 5 kids, she needs organized crafts, field trips, different groups of friends, etc.  Anyway, in the end, like others have said the move was way harder for me than DD.

I think daycare can be good.  My DD has been in one since age 9 months (which in Canada is early) and she behaves well and enjoys it (she is now 6 and in before and after-school).  Personally, I ignore the "opinions" on childcare out there as every family is different.  I love having a career and while SAHP works for some women and men it doesn't work for me, I would become a shell of myself as I get so much of self-worth from my career that I would be a lesser parent without it.  So for us money is only part of it.

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #23 on: February 07, 2016, 01:44:26 AM »
It is interesting to read about the kids not liking the new 40 minute drive.  I have never really understood why people choose childcare by their homes and not by their works so I guess that must be it? 

Some days it's great.   But when it's not - oh boy is it not!   It really only takes one of them to be tired or cranky for it to be an unpleasant trip for all of us.    And if there is an accident on the motorway or bad weather it an be well over 1 hour, which is a horrid start to the day. 

I was glad to have it near work initially - I was still going in during the day to breastfeed each child when they first started as babies.    Now that we've bought a house and put roots down it's more likely work would change than home, plus it's only near *my* work so inconvenient for DH to help.  We'll only move house again in the next couple of years if we relocated back to our home country.  Can't afford to live anywhere else in this city!   
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Betelnut

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2016, 02:25:52 PM »
I have never really understood why people choose childcare by their homes and not by their works so I guess that must be it? 

For me, one reason is because sometimes I take a day off work to have a "me" day and I want to be able to take her to day care and quickly get back to my lazing. 

Plus, once she started school, she could transition to "before and after" care since her daycare is on the bus pickup route for the school we are zoned for. The bus picks her up and drops her off at daycare.  My work isn't that far away (20 minutes from our house and the day care) but is turned out to be very much more convenient to have the daycare closer to home than work. 

In my experience, most people use daycare close to home rather than work (unless work provides daycare).
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Ceallach

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2016, 03:51:47 PM »
I have never really understood why people choose childcare by their homes and not by their works so I guess that must be it? 

For me, one reason is because sometimes I take a day off work to have a "me" day and I want to be able to take her to day care and quickly get back to my lazing. 

Plus, once she started school, she could transition to "before and after" care since her daycare is on the bus pickup route for the school we are zoned for. The bus picks her up and drops her off at daycare.  My work isn't that far away (20 minutes from our house and the day care) but is turned out to be very much more convenient to have the daycare closer to home than work. 

In my experience, most people use daycare close to home rather than work (unless work provides daycare).

This.  It was very inconvenient when we had our second baby and I was on maternity leave - either DH or I had to make the trip in to drop son at daycare, or keep him at home.    Was never an easy choice.    Having him in a centre near home would have been perfect and a much more relaxed lifestyle. (He was only going twice per week but he really needed the consistency and I needed that time with baby).      Same over Christmas etc when DH and I are home, it would be nice to be able to put the kids in daycare just for a day, without having to drive 25km.

Also, when the kids start school they will be at the local school (zoning here is quite strict), and they're more likely to have friends going to the same school if they've been in a local daycare/preschool.    The daycare by my work is very much a commuter daycare, the kids come from miles apart and are unlikely to see each other again once they start school. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


bopper

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #26 on: Yesterday at 09:06:44 AM »
Another way to think about it:  You have had the privilige to find two awesome daycares. Even better, you have had the chance to try out the new one before you gave up the old one.  It is great that the old one is also so good that you don't want to give it up, but you know you are doing the right things for your kids in the long run.

Bethalize

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #27 on: Yesterday at 12:24:58 PM »
I was in day care. I am 40 this year. I adored my mother, am incredibly confident (yet kind and empathic, not entitled) and have a lovely family of my own. I was a very secure child and now my little girl (14 months) is settling in well to her new daycare. Daycare is only one part of life.

Sophia

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Re: Daycare
« Reply #28 on: Yesterday at 02:13:05 PM »
I have a theory that introvert/extrovert has a big impact on a child's reaction to daycare.  I'm a strong introvert and I hated every daycare I attended.  I remember one that I liked best because I could crawl into this little desk hole area and put a box in front and people left me alone. 

My daughter is a strong extrovert.  She only goes to a hourly drop-off daycare, but she hates to leave.