Dear Dog:

[jayhawk]

Dear Max:

I admire your "hope spring eternal" attitude, but really, I don't think you'll ever catch the squirrels in the backyard.  BTW - they're teasing you on purpose, you realize that, don't you?  I guess not.

Another item, the sidewalk is for anyone to use, even if they have a doggie, too.  They are not invading your property.

Mom

[Information_queen]

Dear Duckie ( AKA as Daisy Duck )

Mommy is trying very hard to get into shape. Sometimes that means walking you / running with you. But sometimes - I need to do some floor exercises.  I know you are trying to help - but when you come over and throw your 60lb self on my back when I am doing pushups.... it makes me say bad words and fall on the floor.  Surprises are nice NINJA attacks are not.

Oh - you are not allowed to sleep on my bed. Also - you are not invisible..... I can see you in the bed. I actually feel you laying on TOP of me. Let's talk when i get home tonight.

You should probably not come to my house and do your pushups. My dog is of the opinion that people lying on the floor are merely lumpy pieces of carpet and he treats them accordingly. My MIL once got down on the floor to do pushups and found herself being used as a springboard for 10lbs of puppy. And at the high speeds said puppy can achieve, 10lbs feels like a great deal more when he plows into you.

[Elfmama]

Dear Dog,

I know that on the rare occasions when you get put out on the chain instead of running free in the backyard, you try to run anyway.  And that this makes you wrap the chain around the tree or the clothesline pole. I know that somewhere deep in the recesses of your doggy brain, you have reasoned "I've run around the tree and my chain is now shorter.  Maybe I'd better run around the tree again." But, dear dog, the way to unwrap yourself is to run in the opposite direction, not the same direction again.

[Redsoil]

Siamesecat - she's a Kelpie, and is quite mad!   

[MizB]

Dear Toby,

Grandma is not the only person in the house capable of holding you. She does not want to hold you every time she is standing still. Please bug Mommie for all of this attention, I promise I want to spoil you rotten with attention. Also, we are not depriving you of table scraps because we don't love you, but because we do. Eating them causes all sorts of health problems for little doggies.

Love
Mommie

[Peggy Gus]

Dear DonVito,
   It's not funny to come up and burp directly in my face, I know you came through 3 rooms to specifically burp in my face. (My husband always burped in their face when they were both puppies and now they do it, he thought it was hilarious . I have no idea how they have retained that info when everything else went in one ear and out the other. Yes my husband is a pig.

[kennedar]

Dear DonVito,
   It's not funny to come up and burp directly in my face, I know you came through 3 rooms to specifically burp in my face. (My husband always burped in their face when they were both puppies and now they do it, he thought it was hilarious . I have no idea how they have retained that info when everything else went in one ear and out the other. Yes my husband is a pig.

Our dog does this as well!! We decided that she would never be so rude as to burp in our face, so she must be telling us "thanks for dinner, I love you". Blarg (the sound she makes) is now one of our codes for "I love you"

[Elfmama]

Dear Cat

I'm very sorry, but the only way we have to move around the house is to walk.  I realize that it annoys you to have people walking on your own personal floor, but we have never learned to hover six inches above it.

[Eisa]

Dear Max,

I'm sorry, I understand that you miss Mommy and Daddy. But they're coming home tomorrow or Monday. They did not go and leave you forever. You do not have to pine around the house all day. What am I, chopped liver? I can feed you, water you, let you out, play with you, and give you treats just like they do. Particularly since I live here.

That being said, I'm sorry you're so miserable and missing them. *cuddle*

Love, Me

[siamesecat2965]

Dear Miss Diva,
I know you're sad and missing your buddy, and that's why you feel the need to be in my face all the time.  I'm ok with that, really, but I'm not ok with you sneezing in my face, so when you feel one coming on, I'd appreciate it if you could turn your head the other way.

And yes, mommy and daddy will be home on Monday!

Love Siamesecat

[mbbored]

Dear Falcor,

It's bad enough that you harass cats on our night walks, but snarling and lunging towards a raccoon?  That almost gave me a heart attack.  Back to the trainers with you.

Love,
Someone who does not want rabies

[Alida]

Dear Orion:

When you have to pass gas, is it really necessary to lay across the back of the couch so you are level with my nose? Really, my dearest doggie, Mommy doesn't need to pass out!

[Elfmama]

Dear Elfgranddog:

When Grandma lets you out of the back door to pee, do NOT a) hide, or b) wiggle under the fence for a run in the woods next door.  Either of those things causes Grandma to freak out when she can't find you.  This is why, poor abused doggie, you got put on the cable run the next 17 times you absolutely HAD to pee this afternoon, instead of being allowed to romp through the half-acre back yard.

[Tashigi]

Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.

[dman]

Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.

Too funny!!  We were just contmplating turning the Chi into a hat today!

I don't know how to post a picture but this is what we were talking about. (hope this works)
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9798&paged=2