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Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 298458 times)

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L.A. Lady

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #195 on: January 30, 2011, 10:50:24 PM »
Dear Beethoven,

I've tried to explain this to you many times. Hopefully this is the last.
In order for me to make money to buy you dog food and a warm bed to sleep in, I have to leave you alone for a few hours a day and go to this thing called a "job." I know your lazy butt does not understand "job" but trust me, it's the only way I can make money. Legally, that is. ;D
Please stop crying when I leave.


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #196 on: January 30, 2011, 10:56:32 PM »
Dear dogs:

Tessie, you have lived in a unit before. Why must you bark at ever little sound from the neighbors?

Yogi: Granted, you are missing some brain cells, however; even though you can reach the counters (and that's why the bread is on top of the fridge now) just because my Ramen smells good please DO NOT try to reach for it by jumping up beside me, front paws on the counter. Ramen on the stove is HOT.

NE Florida


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #197 on: January 30, 2011, 11:18:40 PM »
Dear Toby,

I miss you and wish you could come live with me, Alas you cannot. However, when mommy comes home for a visit she would rather you let her hug and squish you as opposed to playful don't pick me ups dog.

That is all.
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #198 on: January 30, 2011, 11:51:03 PM »
Dear Max,

I wish there was some minuscule chance of passing you off as a service dog so I could smuggle you into my dorm room. :D

Alas, you are loud, rambunctious, and you virtually knock people over. :P

Also, it's not like I can stuff you under my jacket when you're a German Shepherd.

But still, it would be nice. You could guard my room. ;D
"And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee"


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #199 on: January 30, 2011, 11:55:18 PM »
Dear Fluffball of Doom,

If you don't stop with this nonsense (laissez-faire bathroom habits, raiding my stash of sweets, crying for attention at dawn), you will be made into a hat.

Too funny!!  We were just contmplating turning the Chi into a hat today!

I don't know how to post a picture but this is what we were talking about. (hope this works)

Well the great and annoying Fluffball is a Pomeranian. I think her tail dangling on the back would give a hat a decidedly rakish look (a la coonskin hats).


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #200 on: January 31, 2011, 05:57:59 PM »
Dear Hounderson,

We do not have a working doorbell. We have not had a working doorbell in the year and a half you've lived with us. Maybe wherever you used to live had a doorbell, but our house does not.

Thus, when someone rings a doorbell on TV, it is completely unnecessary for you to start howling at the front door. No one is there!


P.S. You only get dinner at dinnertime. It doesn't matter how sad you look.


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #201 on: January 31, 2011, 06:46:53 PM »
Dear Bailie,

I know it is hot here.

I know you are hot.

Digging ad splashing in your huge inside waterbowl might cool you down, but it also creates a flash flood in mummy's kitchen.

Would you mind doing it in your giant outside waterbowl? I promise the water is all from the same place.

Loves and bum scratches,



  • Lady of Rohan
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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #202 on: February 03, 2011, 04:01:33 PM »
Dear Pilsner,

Thank you for the honest opinion you gave me as I was trying on my new maternity swimsuit.  You always know how to make mummy feel good.  Though something tells me you would always think that I looked nice as long as I feed you every night.

Much love,


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #203 on: February 03, 2011, 04:20:26 PM »
Dear Mudkips,

It is *just* a doorbell! It cannot hurt you. Therefore, going to Defcon 1 when it rings is not necessary. It is also not necessary to jump up so quickly that you bang your head on Mommy's face and knock her glasses off, forcing her to find her glasses while the nice UPS man waits outside wondering what sort of massacre is going on inside. It also makes Mommy think that letting you cuddle with her might be dangerous.

Also, you weigh 13 pounds soaking wet, and I am carrying you. You are not scaring anyone. Yes, I know you are trying to protect me from the evil that is knocking at the door. If I was worried, I wouldn't have opened it. Honest. Look, I closed the door; the UPS man is gone now. You can stop growling.

Please shut up now.

Love, Mommy


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #204 on: February 03, 2011, 04:38:31 PM »
Dear Tatum,

You're very cute, and you're a very good dog, overall.  I know it's not your fault that Papa keeps leaving the screen open so you can get into the dining room when Mama's in bed, and I know there are so many fun temptations in there.  But, I also know you're a smart girl, so please, from now on, will you make sure to only steal Papa's shoes from the dining room?  Seeing as how he's the one who keeps giving you unsupervised access?  I know you've been kind enough not to do any visible damage, but I actually paid extra to get the shoes with the comfy insoles, and they just aren't the same now that you've eaten said insoles.  And I know I always complain about how ugly those fake Crocs are, but I really can't say that you chewing through the strap is an improvement.  Also, the more money I have to spend on new shoes and insoles, the less money I have for toys and puppy treats.

Also, darling pup, I realize it's futile to ask you to never roll in gross stuff again, but can you at least do it when Papa's home to clean you up?  He's used to that kind of stuff and is unfazed by it, but Mama is not.  Share the wealth, Baby!



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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #205 on: February 03, 2011, 04:43:17 PM »
Rainha, I completely sympathize!

Bruno apparently ONLY likes my things.  He accidentally grabbed one of Archer's shoes, then dropped it once he realized it didn't smell like me.  Archer says he just misses me and chews up my shoes so I can't leave.

Bruno apparently wants me naked, too, as I routinely have to go under the bed to find a treasure trove of my laundry.  Again...only mine!


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #206 on: February 03, 2011, 06:57:56 PM »
Dear Maui,

Im sorry that I hid your favourite pillow toy last night, but you know its only for upstairs and not downstairs.

I really didnt appreciate you sneaking off upstairs and stealing one of my socks to parade in front of me. Its always Dad's socks you steal not mine, so I know this was payback :)


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #207 on: February 04, 2011, 07:04:19 PM »
Dear Tatum,

SCULPEY IS NOT FOOD!!!  Neither is Fimo.



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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #208 on: February 04, 2011, 07:30:04 PM »
Dear Max,

An entire pound of butter.  No throwing up on my side of the bed this time.

The Lady


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #209 on: February 05, 2011, 04:55:43 AM »
Dear mad hetty

thankyou for learning, at the age of 4, to finally pee and poop outside.

when the cats bring a mouse inside the house as a present for me  (tho ive told them for years that chocs and flowers are my preferred gift)  please dont run off with the mouse and sit on my bed and lick that poor mouse till its soaked.