You're very cute, and you're a very good dog, overall. I know it's not your fault that Papa keeps leaving the screen open so you can get into the dining room when Mama's in bed, and I know there are so many fun temptations in there. But, I also know you're a smart girl, so please, from now on, will you make sure to only steal Papa's shoes from the dining room? Seeing as how he's the one who keeps giving you unsupervised access? I know you've been kind enough not to do any visible damage, but I actually paid extra to get the shoes with the comfy insoles, and they just aren't the same now that you've eaten said insoles. And I know I always complain about how ugly those fake Crocs are, but I really can't say that you chewing through the strap is an improvement. Also, the more money I have to spend on new shoes and insoles, the less money I have for toys and puppy treats.
Also, darling pup, I realize it's futile to ask you to never roll in gross stuff again, but can you at least do it when Papa's home to clean you up? He's used to that kind of stuff and is unfazed by it, but Mama is not. Share the wealth, Baby!