Dear Dog:

[greencat]

Dear Dog:

You are an 80 lb Labrador.  Even my largest laundry basket does not fit you.  Please stop trying to sleep in them.  Even if they are empty at the time, and most especially when they have clean clothes in them.  Being made of plastic, they do not expand to allow all your fat to fit in them.

Thanks,
Greencat.

P.S., to the cat:  The dog crate is for the dog.  Please sleep anywhere but inside the dog crate, because I dislike crawling into the cage to retrieve you while the dog licks me and puts his nose unmentionable places.

[eclecticgrrl]

Dear Eclecticboi'sPup -

Sometimes people like to do, you know, people things.  Which involve not having the dog barking hysterically in their ears.  In fact, at such times, barking can be considered decidedly unromantic and may, in fact, be something of a mood spoiler.  So could you please knock it off?  Also, if you get mad and decide to hide out in the bathroom and close the door behind you, I *promise* you that someone will get around to letting you out before you die of starvation and a lack of tummy rubs.  But probably not in the next five minutes so quit barking and scratching at the door.

Also, EclecticGrrl'sPup?  There's no need to stand on top of the humans at such a time and comment on technique.  Nor is this is a good time to start dragging the dirty laundry up onto my pillow.  Just saying...

Much love (and can we keep the face kissing to a minimum?  Especially in light of EB's Pup's fascination with eating poops?)

eclecticgrrl

[Ms_Cellany]

Dear Doris:

Those deer are concrete. Knock it off.

[kitkatswing]

Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!

[magdalena]

Dear Lotta,

I know you are happy Daddy is home. He knows you're happy, too. You do not have to bark your head off. Please stop.
Daddy already suspects that I have a boyfriend in here who needs to be alerted as soon as daddy's car turns into our street, so he can hide in a closet.

[Outdoor Girl]

Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!

Dear Maui,

Please get mommy to take a video of said shenanigans and post it here for our amusement.  I also think it is extremely funny, and extremely smart!

Thanks,
Outdoor Girl

 

[kitkatswing]

Dear Maui,

Although I find it extreemly hilarious, your dad would like you to stop going to the back door to and asking to be let out, only for when he gets to the door, you bolt to his seat and make yourself comfy in his butt-warmth-seat....

He is not finding it funny, I am, imensly funny!!!

Dear Maui,

Please get mommy to take a video of said shenanigans and post it here for our amusement.  I also think it is extremely funny, and extremely smart!

Thanks,
Outdoor Girl

 

I will try to remember to have the camera on the coffee table

[Fliss]

Dear Matey,

We are so pleased you have taken the chickens in your stride and now don't even flap an ear at them. However - could you and Akbar please stop this staring competition every morning? It is highly amusing to watch the two of you stare at each other. But while your red spine ridge slowly stands up, (incidently, you aren't a ridgeback, you're an Aussie Cattle Dog. Why do you have a red ridge?), she's slowly fluffing her feathers and puffing up and trying to get bigger.

It's funny to watch, but we really are starting to get worried Akbar might explode one day with the effort to be bigger than you. Could the two of you stop the stare-down and take up something else? Chess, maybe?

Your vastly amused but eternally loving mum,

Fliss.

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Smokey-dog,

Yes, I do invite you up onto the bed at night.  You get to sleep there until DH comes to bed.  He needs space on the bed too, so you have to get down and sleep in your dog bed the rest of the night.  Trying to wiggle on top of me will not save you; it will just make me throw you out of bed that much sooner.  Please stop laying on top of me!

Love,
Your squished person Dogzard

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Hogan,

I know you are trying to protect me, but barking at passing cars won't help. Mommy doesn't want to have an accident.

Also, the car harness is for your protection. I'll keep buying them no matter how many you eat. Seat belts are not negotiable.

Love,
Your mommy

[eclecticgrrl]

Dear Matey,

We are so pleased you have taken the chickens in your stride and now don't even flap an ear at them. However - could you and Akbar please stop this staring competition every morning? It is highly amusing to watch the two of you stare at each other. But while your red spine ridge slowly stands up, (incidently, you aren't a ridgeback, you're an Aussie Cattle Dog. Why do you have a red ridge?), she's slowly fluffing her feathers and puffing up and trying to get bigger.

It's funny to watch, but we really are starting to get worried Akbar might explode one day with the effort to be bigger than you. Could the two of you stop the stare-down and take up something else? Chess, maybe?

Your vastly amused but eternally loving mum,

Fliss.

Fliss!  When you say "red ridge" do you mean that weird stripe of fur down the middle of Matey's back which is a slightly different texture and color? 

Both my guys are blue ACDs and they have a stripe of different fur in the middle of their backs that's just odd and puzzling.  Plus, Tiger (eclecticpup1) has red ears and red on his face and butt so I'm not sure if he's a blue cattledog with red spots or a red cattledog with a ton of blue...

[Fliss]

Fliss!  When you say "red ridge" do you mean that weird stripe of fur down the middle of Matey's back which is a slightly different texture and color? 

Sort of. It's a red stripe that doesn't show normally but when he gets stirred up, it stands up and suddenly I have a red and white spotted dog with this ochre-red stripe down his spine. When he calms down, it vanishes again. It's obviously the guard hair and under-coat raising on his hackles, but it looks really weird. When he's completely troppo, it goes around his shoulders and neck as well.

Basically, we think he has a red under coat along his erectile tissue lines on his spine and shoulders. It just looks weird because it doesn't show all the time.

[EveLGenius]

Dear Dog,

Kitty won't eat you, really- oh.  Never mind.

Sorry.

[Information_queen]

Dear Eclecticboi'sPup -

Sometimes people like to do, you know, people things.  Which involve not having the dog barking hysterically in their ears.  In fact, at such times, barking can be considered decidedly unromantic and may, in fact, be something of a mood spoiler.  So could you please knock it off?  Also, if you get mad and decide to hide out in the bathroom and close the door behind you, I *promise* you that someone will get around to letting you out before you die of starvation and a lack of tummy rubs.  But probably not in the next five minutes so quit barking and scratching at the door.

Also, EclecticGrrl'sPup?  There's no need to stand on top of the humans at such a time and comment on technique.  Nor is this is a good time to start dragging the dirty laundry up onto my pillow.  Just saying...

Much love (and can we keep the face kissing to a minimum?  Especially in light of EB's Pup's fascination with eating poops?)

eclecticgrrl

This is the real reason dog crates were invented.

[Information_queen]

Dear Mudkips,

1) It's like a 1000 degrees outside. Learn to use a litter box.

2) Since you haven't learned to use a litter box, and I still have to go outside with you, please stop barking at the empty upstairs balcony. I do not know why it is evil today, but there's nobody there.

3) Yes, I know the upstairs neighbors are loud. I can hear them, too; I don't need your help. And yes, I know they have a dog. And that you don't like Sadie, which makes me sad, because I think she is probably very nice. And I really really don't need to know every single time they take Sadie outside. And I certainly don't need to be alerted by ear-drum shattering barks.

4) Some days, it is a really good thing you're cute.

Love,

Your slave Mommy