You are just too pretty for words. Seriously I think you are the prettiest dog I have ever owned. (Don't tell the ninjas, okay?) I tell you every day how pretty you are, and how well behaved you are and how much I adore you. So could you kinda, you know, stop being such a clingybaby? (I know that's not what mama calls you, but this is a respectable board so we have to be respectable.)
There are two other people who live here and would love to adore you too. (That teenage boy who talks about kicking you to death or using you as catfish bait? He's bluffing and trying to be tough, but you're welcome to avoid him.) That lady in the chair? She's nice, i promise. She gives you peanuts and other yummies when you suck up to her, what makes you think she's gonna hurt you if you let her pet you? And the guy in the computer room? He's nice too, take a page from the ninjas, they know he's a pushover and has the best treats. Sausage, Ramen Noodles, popcorn... you love all those things!
So try to be friendly instead of hiding or clinging to me? Also, please learn the fetch game! Its (1)Throw (2)You bring the toy back. Simple. Its not (1)Throw and (2) Run to toy jump on it then run back without it. Fetch is more fun for Mama if she doesn't have to go get the toy.
Dear Baby and Bean,
You two are the ninjas. You know you are the ninjas. When i yell "NINJAS!" you come running for treats. This means you should go outside when I stand at the door and yell "NINJAS!" Not look at me then make me drag you two outside. Geeze!
You're perfect. Carry on.