Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 78367 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Julian

  • I lost it between Thriller and Gangnam Style...
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 751
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #555 on: August 06, 2013, 10:26:08 PM »
Dear Rocky

Our mummy was very mean and moved the cats' food up onto the dining room table after the Great Regurgitated Tuna Incident of 2010.  We're both small and can't jump that high. 

Then she got rid of the litter trays after Milly-puss died, so no more dark treats.  Sigh... 

It's getting so a girl has to rely on her own food supply, and actually be good to get treaties.   :-\

Love
Molly (The Great Regurgitator) and Suzi (Poop breath)
« Last Edit: August 07, 2013, 12:25:09 AM by Julian »

kitkatswing

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 477
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #556 on: August 07, 2013, 10:31:18 PM »
Dear Maui,

Just because I am getting up numerous times to pee (8 months pregnant!!), does NOT mean that you can jump into my warm spot under the doona every single time..

Also, that body pillow, its for me, not for you....

Please take note...

Love..

Your mum

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9665
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #557 on: August 08, 2013, 10:10:14 AM »
Dear Mum,

You don't UNDERSTAND!!! That's the warm spot- I have to move there or I will FREEZE and DIE!

Or, I'm preparing you for parenting. Take your pick.

Love, Maui
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Julian

  • I lost it between Thriller and Gangnam Style...
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 751
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #558 on: August 12, 2013, 09:30:43 PM »
Dear Molly

Yesterday, you were NOT a good girl.  I got a phone call at work from Housemate, saying you'd been under the house for an hour, barking and growling, with the occasional yelp of pain thrown in for good measure.  So I came home, thinking you and the Devil were having a stoush.

I got changed into jeans, long sleeved jumper, boots, cap and leather gloves, then ventured under the house to rescue you.  By this stage you'd been 'at it' for nearly 2 hours.  I crouched, then crawled, then commando-style wriggled on my tummy as the land surface under the house rose, dragging a spotlight, until I could see you, up amongst the pipes where I couldn't fit, and your Great Adversary.  What was it?  A neighbour's cat...   ::) 

I spent an hour under the house, sneezing from the dust, trying to catch you or chase out the cat (whatever, as long as the damned ruckus ended!) whilst you studiously avoided me.  Housemate offered you treaties.  No go.  She hosed the deck, hoping it would persuade you and the cat to leave.  No go.  We tried the squeaky toy.  No go.  We, in short, tried every darn thing we could short of thermo-nuclear devices to persuade you and Kitty to depart.  No go.

I gave up and crawled out from under the house - sore, sneezy still, and covered in dirt, old insulation fluff and goodness knows what else.  Housemate now has a sore neck from trying to peer under the house and help extract you.  I was not only dirty, but cold and busting for a visit to the girl's room.  And you?  You stayed under the house for another 2 hours before you finally surfaced.  A total of 5 hours with the poor cat bailed up.

The upshot, Dear Molly, is that I am cranky with you.  I hope those yelps were because Kitty got you a couple of times - girl, you deserved it.  You obviously haven't learned from it, or you would have left Kitty alone after the first swipe.  And all the 'sucking up' and cuddles you delivered later on last night, while nice, only go part-way to  making up for what was a very uncomfortable and dirty experience for everybody involved.

Love
Grumpy Mum

Dear Suzi

Good girl!  You came when called, and left Kitty alone.  I'm sorry you got locked in the house and upset at all the noise down below - yes, I heard you running around and sooking above my head.  I'm glad you've sometimes got enough sense to not let Molly drag you into her escapades.

Lots of love
Mum. xx

Nikko-chan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2584
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #559 on: August 13, 2013, 05:58:10 PM »
Dear Jasper,

Like dear Molly in the post above me, you are in the doghouse. What were you thinking, running off like that! You are supposed to go out and do your business and come back inside. But noooo. You went gallavanting ACROSS A STREET to BestFriends house. Idiot.

Your still very angry mommy.

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2672
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #560 on: August 13, 2013, 06:54:15 PM »
Dear Pilsner

Get out of the trash can! And quit licking the beer kegs!

Mom
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Julian

  • I lost it between Thriller and Gangnam Style...
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 751
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #561 on: August 13, 2013, 08:20:21 PM »
Dear Jasper and Pilsner

I think we're becoming too many for a doghouse.  We need a dog hotel...   :-[

luv
Molly

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9665
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #562 on: August 14, 2013, 11:05:58 AM »
Dear Riley,

I love you dearly, but you are a goof. I know you want to chase the deer/rabbits/cat, but you are a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. They're all bigger than you! If you caught them, they'd stomp all over you- especially the cat.


Love,

The one with the camera and the snuggles who lets you sleep under the covers
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #563 on: August 14, 2013, 11:34:43 AM »
Dear Brook,
     12 more days until school starts and it will just be you and I again for the day.  Thanks for being so patient and allowing your human sister to put those sparkly fairy wings on you (btw, you were adorable, but I chose not to perpetuate your embarrassment by taking a picture and putting on FB).  This summer, you have been dressed up, been put into action as a barbie doll horse, been a participant in numerous tea parties..you are a good girl for doing it all.  I think the only reason you put up with it is because the small human tends to drop some things during dinner and you take care of all spills and crumbs. 

Love,
The other one counting down until school starts

DistantStar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 569
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #564 on: August 14, 2013, 04:11:20 PM »
Dear Mom,

You name me Pilsner and expect me to not be interested in the beer?

Pilsner

Midnight Kitty

  • The Queen of Sludge
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3635
    • The Stoddard's Hale
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #565 on: August 14, 2013, 05:57:55 PM »
My husband saw a cartoon with a dog saying, "Hi, my name is NO Get Down!"

In our house, the cat's name is "NO Get Down!" >:D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9665
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #566 on: August 15, 2013, 11:20:09 AM »
My husband saw a cartoon with a dog saying, "Hi, my name is NO Get Down!"

In our house, the cat's name is "NO Get Down!" >:D

We had one who thought her name was "Delta Dogonnit!"
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Ms_Cellany

  • The Queen of Squee
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5691
  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #567 on: August 15, 2013, 11:30:35 AM »
My sister's cat is "Adam-get-that-out-of-your-mouth!"
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult); Zuul (F); Magpie (M); Balrog (M); Nazgul (F)

Valentines Mommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1038
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #568 on: August 15, 2013, 01:12:05 PM »
Valentine answered to: "Stop, get back here!" when she was a tiny puppy.

Midnight Kitty

  • The Queen of Sludge
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3635
    • The Stoddard's Hale
Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #569 on: August 15, 2013, 03:25:54 PM »
Dear Honey Girl;

Why did you pee on the bathroom rug this morning?  I took you out to pee when we woke up, just like every day.  You haven't peed on a rug for almost a month.  Of course, we had to throw away every throw rug we had when we rescued you because you peed on all of them, multiple times, in your first week with us.  We understood you were anxious about your new surroundings and we didn't scold you.  But there are pee pads on both ends of the condo and only 30 feet between them, so you are never far from a pee pad.  Please use them.  We know you know how to wee wee. >:D

I told your Daddy that we should give up on bathroom rugs and just use old, thick towels that can be tossed in the laundry ... or trash.

Mommy Midnight
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius