Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 89609 times)

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Julian

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #795 on: July 13, 2014, 08:56:58 PM »
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #796 on: July 13, 2014, 09:10:07 PM »
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #797 on: July 13, 2014, 09:18:27 PM »
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Bandu

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #798 on: July 13, 2014, 11:29:39 PM »
Dear Ella

OK, you survived chewing up the kindle cable.  Did you have to go back and have another go at the kindle itself?  Seriously, missy, chewing on the kindle?  Thank Dog it still works, or I would definitely be a very cross aunty today...  And no, it wasn't on the bed, it was on the nightstand.  Is nothing safe??!

not so much love
Aunty Grumblebum...
Dear Ella,

Please forgive me for being a bit forward in writing to you.

I ate my food provider's eyeglasses. I think we might have things in common. Let's meet up!

Mamadog

Dear Mamadog

That could be fun!  I could bring Aunty Molly who also ate her mum's glasses.  And her shoes.  And her socks.  And a few bras and knickers as well.

Luv
Ella

Dear Ella and Mamadog,

You guys sound great!  I'd love to get together and hang out with you!  I've eaten my people's pots and pans, colanders, decorative pebbles and neck wraps.  I've eaten lots of other stuff too, but that's the stuff my people say is weird.  I was the only dog in my obedience class who'd ever chewed on a colander; I think that makes me pretty special.

Love,
Smokey

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #799 on: July 13, 2014, 11:51:57 PM »
Quote

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt
[/quote]

The Demons send their greetings and cheers. And now they want to try it.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #800 on: July 14, 2014, 12:04:34 AM »
Quote

Dear Ella, Mamadog and Smokey,

I'd love to join you.  I once tried to chew up the tires on a semi-trailer.  The guy driving the semi wasn't very happy with me, even though he caught me before I did any damage.

Love,
Baxter

Dear Baxter,

You are our new King Dog! We grovel at the sheer scope of your ambition!

Most sincerely,
Mamadog and her compatriots, Boy, Girl and Squirt

The Demons send their greetings and cheers. And now they want to try it.
[/quote]

Dear Demon Twins, Mamadog and compatriots,

How to chew on semi-trailer tires:  Convince your human to either befriend or date a truck driver.  Then get your human to invite said truck driver to your house in his truck.  This works well if the truck driver friend has a pick up just a few miles away.  Once the truck is at the house, get your minion (in my case, the small jack russell mix, but a cat could work as well), to distract the humans.  Once the humans are distracted, meander slowly over to the truck.  Once you're there, growl, throw your front paws around one of the rear tires and do your best to get your teeth in them.  I messed up with the growl.  Make sure you do it soft enough that the humans don't notice.  My humans noticed and tole me "NO!", and I sheepishly backed away.  After that, they made sure to keep a close watch on me every time the truck driver came over, since I kept trying.  My human lives in a different place now, and her truck driver friend can't park his truck at her house anymore, but I dream of being able to try again!

Love,
Baxter

PS:  The human can't figure out how to fix the quote tree.  Sorry.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Valentines Mommy

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #801 on: July 14, 2014, 04:18:33 PM »
Dear Valentine,

Blanche and Blizzard went back to the kennel this morning. Puppies are not trying to take over the house. Yes, they are cute. No, they aren't cuter than you. No need to give me the sad eyes; you aren't being replaced. Fetch this evening?

Love Mommy

Dear Hogan,

Dart is an old dog, not a chew toy! Please leave his ears alone. He might be old but he's already put you in the dirt once. He'll do it again if you don't quit.

Love Mommy

Dear Spencer,

Carry on! Watching 2 tiny puppies trail you like a duck with his chicks was hilarious and sweet. Good boy.

Love Mommy

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #802 on: July 14, 2014, 10:57:53 PM »
Dear Rocky,

You know, the stairs are not such a great place for you to sleep.  You are such a big dog that most of the time you cover the entire tread.  I need to go up and down my stairs and not die, and since you refuse to remove your fat behind, you may find yourself unable to access the stairs in the near future.

Love,

The human whose bedroom is on the second floor.

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #803 on: July 14, 2014, 11:06:48 PM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #804 on: July 14, 2014, 11:19:58 PM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #805 on: July 15, 2014, 12:44:09 AM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"

Good point.  Actually, last night was kind of funny.  Baxter started his "Somebody is where they're not supposed to be" bark, so a friend and I got up to investigate.  We discovered a drunk guy walking along the tracks.  Baxter was still barking loudly.  My friend turned to him and said, in a tone you'd speak to a teenager "Yes, I realize he's not supposed to be there, but you can settle down now."  Baxter then let out his "I wanna bark but you said no and I'm not happy" half bark/half growl with a tone reminiscent of a whining teenager.  It's a barely audible vocalization.   It was hysterical.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #806 on: July 15, 2014, 01:02:28 AM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize that people aren't supposed to be on the train tracks, and it upsets you when people don't follow the rules, but the train tracks aren't part of your property.  You don't need to defend them from stupid people.  You also don't need to lecture the people about how stupid they are.  Especially not at 2am.

Love,
The sleepy one.

(Instead of facing another row of houses, like most residential blocks, my house faces the trolley tracks. I can't figure out if Baxter thinks he's supposed to be protecting the land the tracks sit on or if he's lecturing people about the stupidity of walking along train tracks late at night.)

The small copy of Dr. Zoidberg in my brain says, "Why not both?"

Good point.  Actually, last night was kind of funny.  Baxter started his "Somebody is where they're not supposed to be" bark, so a friend and I got up to investigate.  We discovered a drunk guy walking along the tracks.  Baxter was still barking loudly.  My friend turned to him and said, in a tone you'd speak to a teenager "Yes, I realize he's not supposed to be there, but you can settle down now."  Baxter then let out his "I wanna bark but you said no and I'm not happy" half bark/half growl with a tone reminiscent of a whining teenager.  It's a barely audible vocalization.   It was hysterical.

My dog "woofs" softly for a few minutes after I shush him.  It reminds me of a teenager saying "but...but...but..."

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #807 on: July 15, 2014, 03:12:58 AM »

My dog "woofs" softly for a few minutes after I shush him.  It reminds me of a teenager saying "but...but...but..."

The Demons are the same, especially Max. He has been known to turn down FOOD to stay on the bed by the window and do the guard-dogging thing. He's got this little whine he does when we've told him to shush, and it's exactly the dog equivalent of "but muuuuuuummmmm, there's something there!!!!!"

Sam, OTOH, can hear you thinking about opening a fridge, and long mastered the art of Canini-doo Fu, so that he's sitting on your foot with a quizzical look as he pokes his nose in the open door. You know, the look that says "so, what're we eating, and how much of it is mine?"
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Winterlight

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #808 on: July 15, 2014, 09:44:38 AM »
Dear Rocky,

You know, the stairs are not such a great place for you to sleep.  You are such a big dog that most of the time you cover the entire tread.  I need to go up and down my stairs and not die, and since you refuse to remove your fat behind, you may find yourself unable to access the stairs in the near future.

Love,

The human whose bedroom is on the second floor.

Dear Rocky,

Don't worry about it. My humans used to say the same thing to my older sister Rosie when she'd sleep on a tread. It never happened. Instead, they'd yell till she moved, or Winter would jump over her.

Skipper
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #809 on: July 17, 2014, 04:45:39 AM »

Dear Demons:

A minor house maintenance issue.

Those plastic doorstops are, strangely enough, to jam under the bedroom door during the day when dad likes to sleep. This is to keep you out for a few hours so he can have said sleep without you doing your burrowing act. They are NOT edible. Plastic is not healthy to doggy digestion, and so you are not supposed to take it in turns to push the door open, steal the stop, and then chew it to death.

In your short life so far, you have gone through 18 of these things! The wooden ones I'm not so worried about, and the fact you haven't been ill is probably because you gnaw them apart and spit out the bits. I might add that this gives an added level to the dangers of going to the loo in the dark which I don't need.

Not everything at your head height can be eaten. I know you're rotties, and therefore almost as tough as a labradour in this regard, but please cease and desist. Or the next doorstop you taste will be covered in hot sauce, and I promise, you won't eat it!

Regards
The provider of (quite adequate) chewies.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.