Dear Dog:

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Smokey,
What on earth was up with you this morning?!?  You started trying to wake me up at 4:30, when you know very well I don't get up until the alarm goes off at 5:30.  Telling you "No" only made you shut up for 10-15 minutes at a time.  Then, head butting me and stepping on my feet while I tried to put my robe and slippers on!  I know you don't have a problem with 25 degree temps because you have fur.  I don't have the same luxury, and need to put on clothes before going outside with you.  At least you paid attention when I told you to sit before feeding you.  DH even told you you were badly behaved this morning, and that's never happened before!

Oh, and the flipping on your back to beg for tummy rubs?  Very cute and adorable, but totally does not make up for the rest of your behavior. 

Behave today dogling.

Much love, albeit crankily,
Dogzard

[Information_queen]

Dear Mudkipz,

You are not the Wicked Witch. You will not melt if you get wet. So stop trying to go back inside when I take you out. It won't work, you only weigh 5 pounds and I can drag you outside even if you dig all four paws in.

Also, please stop trying to climb on me when I am using the bathroom. You have to be where I can keep an eye on you, since you still think pooping in the house is ok, but please get down and let me get dressed.

And another thing, the people we pass on the walking trail do not bite. It is not necessary to come to a full stop when they are still 50 feet away and not move until they have passed 50 feet behind us. I assure you, I did notice them. You can stop telling me. And those dogs? Yeah, they're behind fences. They can't get you either.

And stop trying to convince us you're dying because you don't like your crate. You're not trained yet; get used to it. The faster you get the idea that your bathroom is outside, the less time you will spend in there, ok?

Love,
Mommy

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Saber,

I know you are getting older and are a bit cranky because you aren't used to sharing us with Valentine.  But that doesn't give you the right to take over my pillow and my side of the bed.  You have a very comfy bed.  Please use it. 

Love
Mommy

[Sabbyfrog2]

Dear Jack pt 2,

Laying on top of me, or my clothes, and giving me the pathetic look while I am trying to get ready to go to work is not a good deterent and it acheives nothing but getting your hair all over me and my work clothes. Besides, you are no more than 20 lbs at best. I can pick you up and move you ya know? Yes, you are adorable. Yes, making the face is cute and makes me all melty and you know I will give you extra scritches when you make it. But I will still leave. I am not abandoning you. I always come back. It's been this way for 8 years so you should be use to it by now.

Daddy is a sucker. Lay on him.

Love,
Mommy

[officeworker]

Jordan:

The sofa is not your personal face towel. Stop rubbing your face on it after eating & drinking.  Seriously.

-Momma

[miredrose326]

My Dearest Bella,

I know the couch (and loveseat and chair) taste delicious.  Please stop licking them, it leaves big wet spots that are not comfortable to sit on.

Love,

Mommy and the kids


Dear Dumb Mystery,

You CAN go out side without Bella, I know it's lonely but you can do it.  Eventually the day will come that Bella will not be around anymore and this is a skill you will need to have.  I promise I won't leave you out long by yourself but you can do it.

Love,

Mommy

[Coralreef]

Dear Dogs,

The humans of the house spend the night in their rooms, with you two sleeping near the beds.  There is no need to have an overenthusiastic "welcome home" jumping/wagging/crying fit. 

You do not need to bark your heads off when the parrot screeches the alarm call. She's leading you on for her own entertainment.

There is no need to take a mouthful of pellets from the bowl and carry it to the dining room.  They will taste just the same.

Ambushing the vaccum cleaner will not stop it from making noise.

And finally : the garbage man is not stealing our stuff! 

[hobish]

Dear Jayna,

Please stop showing your appreciation for my brand new carpeting by pooping on it. You don't see us doing that, do you? No, you don't. Please stop. Seriously, it's not cute.

Love and kisses,
the other one

[little bird]

Dear Sebastian,

Yes, that's a kitty.  You LIVE with a kitty.  You even manage to live with her in peace and harmony.

What's with the pulling, barking and frantic whining over the kitty we see occasionally on our walks? 

Quit it.

Love,
Mommy, whose shoulder is starting to hurt from all your nonsense

[LadyPekoe]

Dear Duchess,
The UPS man is our friend.  He is NOT the enemy.  I don't know how you can hear his truck through a closed door when it parks down the street but I acknowledge that you appear to be able to do so.  Even so, you do not need to try to claw through the door.  He already throws the package down and runs--you have apparently scared him with your bark so that should mollify your 18-lb self. 
Love,
Momza

[Yankee-Belle]

Dear Oliver,

Please note that I called you Oliver. Your name is not Dino and my name is not Fred Flintstone, my name is Mom. I love that you are so happy to see me, however, you are 90 lbs and I am getting up there in age. I am afraid I am going to break a hip one of these days.

If dad wants to give me a hug, that does not mean you have to get in on the deal too. You are hugged and kissed within an inch of your life, let someone else get some of that once in a while.

But also know, you have given dad and me such joy. I look forward to coming home each day and getting knocked down!  

[reddevil]

Dear Goose:

You are a Flabrador Retriever.  When we throw the stick, you run to get it.  Standing there after you pick it up looking confused embarasses everyone.  When we call you to bring it back, dropping it and then running to us at warp speed is not the right reaction.

Oh, and the budgie?  You are a bird dog.  The bird weighs about 3 ounces.  Why do you let it terrorize you?

Love,
mama

Dear Nero:

We see the squirrels.  Yes, we see those too.  We see them on the roof.  We see them in the yard.  We can see, you know. 

Yes, we see those, too.  Yes, and those.  We know they have an evil empire and are plotting to destroy us all AND they are filled with gravy and Wendy's frosty (thanks, Uncle Mikey).  We see them.

Love,
mama

[Elfqueen13]

Dear Dog:

I know that letting loose 3 drops of pee every 20 feet is your way of marking your territory.  But when we come full-circle around the block, don't start jumping up and down because a dog was here!  You know because it peed!

That was you.  20 minutes ago.

Love,
Mommy

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Dog:

I know that letting loose 3 drops of pee every 20 feet is your way of marking your territory.  But when we come full-circle around the block, don't start jumping up and down because a dog was here!  You know because it peed!

That was you.  20 minutes ago.

Love,
Mommy

Elfqueen, I see you have my dog's littermate.  I'd say I'm sorry, but I crack up every time I see this happen, so I don't feel too badly about it. 

[MasterofSquirrels]

Dear Sam.. aka Booger
Please don't eat the cat food. you are a dog. you get fed. the cat wakes me up.. and i don't like that. so please, for me..? stop eating the cat food.

if you lick it it's yours.. not cool dog. not cool. I like hamburgers too.

Sam.. you do know you are MY dog right? i rescued you.. well i took you in at the very least. please stop jumping in the UPS van. yes the lady is very nice.. and she has dog treats, well guess what? I DO TOO! and you go for rides.. quite often! please leave the UPS lady alone.

You are so soft and cuddley.. and don't tell the others, but you are my favorite. i can't help it. you just are. you're dumb but soooo cute! and everyone that meets you thinks so too... i know you get upset when people don't pet you, but i give you loves.. lots and lots of loves.

i love you.
mom