You are not the Wicked Witch. You will not melt if you get wet. So stop trying to go back inside when I take you out. It won't work, you only weigh 5 pounds and I can drag you outside even if you dig all four paws in.
Also, please stop trying to climb on me when I am using the bathroom. You have to be where I can keep an eye on you, since you still think pooping in the house is ok, but please get down and let me get dressed.
And another thing, the people we pass on the walking trail do not bite. It is not necessary to come to a full stop when they are still 50 feet away and not move until they have passed 50 feet behind us. I assure you, I did notice them. You can stop telling me. And those dogs? Yeah, they're behind fences. They can't get you either.
And stop trying to convince us you're dying because you don't like your crate. You're not trained yet; get used to it. The faster you get the idea that your bathroom is outside, the less time you will spend in there, ok?