Dear Bean and Baby,
I love you too terribly. i love when you throw yourselves into my arms, and lick me, and everything else.
But know this. Your full names are... well, a bit offensive. This isn't your fault, nor is it mine. Stepdaddy names the two of you, and unfortunatly he did so while he was very out of his mind, due to pain medicines and loss of oxygen. Your names are nothing OBVIOUSLY offensive. In fact I had no idea baby's name even WAS offensive for a year or two, but they are enough that i would prefer that you come back to me when i yell "Bean! Baby!"
Please stop making me call you by your full names... i've spent almost four years getting you used to your new, shorter names. get with the program.
I love you two more than choclate.