Dear Dog:

[tarheel220]

Holly,

I love you bunches, but it's getting on mine, Daddy's and Granny's nerves when we take you out at your scheduled time and you come back in, get your treat and then hide under the table again like you have to go out.  Sorry, but you're not getting a treat every time you go out.  You know you only get those when you've gone out and pooped or peed like you're supposed to.

Love ya,

Mama

[Morty'sCleaningLady]

Dear Morty,

I know adjusting to condo living was a challenge for a mature boy like you, but that parking space in front of my living room isn't yours.  We don't have assigned spaces and anyone can park there.  No amount of your 10 pound self getting nose prints on the glass and howling will stop someone from parking there. 

Also, slow down a bit when you eat.  You scare your Gram!  She thinks you have tapeworm and I'm not feeding you enough.  The vet says you are fine, but maybe you should try to chew the kibble a little bit more.  (And I know when you visit Gram and Gramps they are slipping you lots of people food.)

Momma

P.S.  There's a dog in this thread that does floors.  We are upping your chore load, young man!  That dishwasher better be emptied and put away by the time  I get home.

[Sleepless]

Dear Boo,

I think you are perfect. You have served well as a mental health counselor and a personal trainer.

What would you like for dinner?

Love,

Hu-Mom

[nalapuppy]

Dear Hemi,

I know you started out small, and could fit anywhere, but you have grown a lot in the past 2 months.  You are bigger than a cat now, and cannot fit through the cat door.  Yes, your head still fits....and no matter which way you turn it, the rest of your body won't go through; chewing on the edge is not going to help.  Neither is giving us sad puppy eyes, while sticking your head through the cat door..... your body still won't fit.

And next time I clean the patio door, could you please refrain for at least 30 minutes, of putting your dirty paws and wet nose marks on it... especially when we have company coming over.  One day, I would actually like to see what clean glass looks like again.

love,
Me

[AprilRenee]

Dear Xena-The couch is MINE. I let you share it with me, however plopping down and pushing all four of your feet against me in an effort to shove me off is not appreciated. Also, there is plenty of room to sleep without laying all of your 50 pounds on my feet and legs. Don't look sad when I kick you off. You know what you are doing.

Oh yeah, STOP eating my sheets and blankets. And the hole you chewed in DS's mattress was NOT appreciated.

Dear Lottie. Yes I know, you are as big dog stuck in a dauschunds body. It is not needed to try and terrify anyone wh knocks on the door with that bark of yours. And PLEASE stop licking the couch. It's gross.

[Bijou]

Dear dog,
I think you're a nice neighbor and all, but must you eat the cats' food?  I hope you don't get the runs or anything from it.
bijou

[Morty'sCleaningLady]

Dear Morty,

You know we live alone.  I always feed you breakfast and dinner after a nice walk.  As always, I have to scoop the food into your bowl for you.  It doesn't magically appear while we are on the walk.  No matter how quickly you run into the kitchen, this isn't going to change.  Your bowl will still be on the floor on your placement and empy.  There isn't a food fairy that will fill your bowl while we are out.

Additionally, your 'helping' to fill the bowl by dancing through the kitchen simply slows Momma down. 

Love you!
Mom

P.S.  The rain is not a torture device.  Go out and play today.

[Hijinks]

Dear Cat,

Please stop peeing in my clean laundry basket.

Sincerely,
Me.

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Smokey,
What on earth possessed you to tear apart our bed like that last night?  Pillows practically flung off the bed, sheet pulled down...why did you do that?  And can you please never do it again?!?  I like to be able to just get into bed at night, not have to put it back together before I can get into it!  Also, enough with the refusing to give up your spot on the bed.  You and DH woke me up last night when he had to bodily pick you up to get you off the bed.  This is OUR bed, not yours.  You are simply allowed to use it while we're at work. 

Some love,
your human

[Elfqueen13]

Dear Cat,

Please stop peeing in my clean laundry basket.

Sincerely,
Me.

Should we sic the dogs on it? 

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

Dear Jack,

My underwear is not a chew toy.  And the used tissues in the bathroom trash bin are not edible. 

If you're very slow and calm, you might get Claudio to let you kiss him.  Hero is a lost cause.  Face it, the grey cat hates you.

Oh, and stop being a wimp!  That's my job.

But I love you, and Daddy loves you more,
Mommy

[Reddie321]

Dear Cocoa,

You are a dachshund...that means that you are not entitled to half of my queen-size bed.  Pushing against me when I encroach on "your" territory will result in you sleeping on the floor.  Also, I know it's a rare occurrence when the bed is made, but it's actually supposed to look like that!  Stop rolling in the pillows and messing up the sheets.

Also, Mama and Daddy go out of town for a few days several times a year.  At 14, you should know this by now.  So PLEASE eat when they're gone so I don't look like a horrible dog sitter when you've lost 2 pounds in four days.  They're coming back, I promise.

One more thing, stop doing your reverse Houdini act when laundry comes out of the dryer.  In the time it takes me to switch one load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, you've appeared (from where???) in the middle of my still warm laundry pile.  Yes, your fur is very pretty.  No, I do not want to wear it on all of my clothes.

Love,

Your tolerant "sister"

[emeraldsage85]

Dear Jake,

I know you're an outside dog and there are plenty of things to explore, but please stop finding dead things in the ditch and dragging them back to the yard (especially if they've been dead a long time). It's disgusting.

Also, please stop eating all of the dog food just because you want to grow bigger. You're not even hungry so share some with Grizzly. And please stop trying to wrestle Grizzly around. He's thirteen and doesn't want to play with you.

Love,
emeraldsage

[Tashigi]

Dear Fuzzybutt:

Toes are NOT meant to bitten, chewed, gnawed or licked when one is sitting at the kitchen counter.

-The transient human

[ladymaureen]

Dear Bella:

You are a dog. You are not a cat. Therefore there is no excuse for you doing the following-me-ahead-of-me thing, wherein you go where I want to go, slowly. This works poorly when I am carrying the laundry basket or other heavy items and cannot see where you are.

Also, you are not allowed in Mommy and Daddy's bathroom. You know this. You are particularly forbidden from going into the trash and removing yummy items to chew on. Stop it.

Love,
Mommy