Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 67552 times)

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PeytiePotatie

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #105 on: April 08, 2010, 11:10:42 PM »
Dear PeytieDog,

I understand that you think dirty underwear is the best.toy.evar. But you have to wait until I take it OFF to chew it up. Running into the bathroom, grabbing it with your teeth, and attempting to tug it off of my legs while I am using the toilet will get bad results for both of us. Also, I am starting to feel a little creeped out when you watch me get undressed because you know underpants are forthcoming. Do we need to go to doggie counseling to resolve this fetish?

Also, when did you learn to spell? I am going to have to learn another language so daddy and I can discuss things like cookies, Gramma-Grampa, and the car without having you start barking and looking for these items.

Huggles,
Mommy

PS - I feel like a rock star when you freak out with excitement when I get home from work. I know it's technically bad behavior, but my self-esteem skyrockets when I see you. Don't think I haven't noticed that daddy doesn't get the same welcome...I love you more too, buddy!  ;D

Cyradis

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #106 on: April 09, 2010, 12:37:09 AM »
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!

kennedar

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #107 on: April 09, 2010, 09:31:15 AM »
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!

Your dog is named Azzuri?? And your an AC Milan fan??? My DH is a hard core Juve fan....our dogs middle name is Del Pierro...I cant let him see your dogs name or we will have to get a new dog with that name!

Cyradis

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #108 on: April 09, 2010, 01:35:10 PM »
Dearest Azzurri dog,

Frogs are not defenseless. Seeing you ill is distressing. Vets are extra expensive when they get called out of their homes at night. You had a long play in the yard and did your business before it got dark. Giving me pleading looks and whining will not get me to let you out off leash.

Snuggles!

Your dog is named Azzuri?? And your an AC Milan fan??? My DH is a hard core Juve fan....our dogs middle name is Del Pierro...I cant let him see your dogs name or we will have to get a new dog with that name!

Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.

Chinchillazilla

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #109 on: April 09, 2010, 02:53:08 PM »
Dear Kelso,

Everything is not yours, Min Pin Property Laws notwithstanding. The cats do not think it is funny when you take toys out of their little paws and put them in your toybox. The contents of my purse are none of your business. You have a broken leg and it's very pitiful, but I've started to figure out when you're playing up the limp, so save it.

Also: I got you some little pet stairs so you could get on the bed by yourself. Yes, it is polite to ask permission, but climbing the stairs and woofing at me until I invite you onto the bed is getting old.

Love,
Me

Dear Phoebe,

Why can't you look even a little ashamed when I yell at you for doing bad things? When I tell you loudly that you are a BAD DOG for chasing the cat out of the litterbox right in front of me, you should at least pretend to be remorseful instead of wagging your tail and beaming like "Yaaay, I chased a cat! Go me!"

Also: Why you think it's necessary to nom on our toes enthusiastically when we get up is beyond me. You're chipping everyone's nail polish.

Love,
Me
No running with scythes.

Morty'sCleaningLady

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #110 on: April 09, 2010, 03:50:28 PM »
Dear Kelso,

Everything is not yours, Min Pin Property Laws notwithstanding. The cats do not think it is funny when you take toys out of their little paws and put them in your toybox. The contents of my purse are none of your business. You have a broken leg and it's very pitiful, but I've started to figure out when you're playing up the limp, so save it.
Also: I got you some little pet stairs so you could get on the bed by yourself. Yes, it is polite to ask permission, but climbing the stairs and woofing at me until I invite you onto the bed is getting old.

Love,
Me

Hmm, I think Kelso and my Morty are in cahoots.  Morty's got some arthritis; the only times he limps is when it's really damp out or there is a sympathetic eye out.  He loves to turn it on around children and mature ladies with food.
Formerly Mrs.Bart

Chinchillazilla

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #111 on: April 09, 2010, 03:58:10 PM »
Hmm, I think Kelso and my Morty are in cahoots.  Morty's got some arthritis; the only times he limps is when it's really damp out or there is a sympathetic eye out.  He loves to turn it on around children and mature ladies with food.

Kelso's limp is especially bad if you've just scolded him for doing something he's not supposed to do. Suddenly he's hobbling around, giving you sad eyes and tucking his broken tail between his legs.  ::)
No running with scythes.

POF

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #112 on: April 09, 2010, 04:01:33 PM »
When we put a bandana on Daisy Ducks collar - not on her neck - the kind that slide on her collar. She did a very dramatic I'm crippled and can't walk thing where she took a step and fell to the floor and shambled around. Wished I'd had my video handy.

MizB

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #113 on: April 09, 2010, 04:57:51 PM »
Dear Toby:

I like it when you lay next to my rolling chair instead of behind it. That way I do not unintentionally roll on you. Also, please don't try to eat the other doggies we see on our walks. You are 25 lbs, they are closer to 80, you will be eaten first.

Love,
Mommie
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

kennedar

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #114 on: April 09, 2010, 09:05:35 PM »
Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.

Meeka is white, although DH is threatening to decorate our babies nursery in soccer gear when we have a baby. Meeks is totally into footballs, her favorite toy is yellow bouncy one that carries around the house at all times. He loves you picture btw!

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #115 on: April 11, 2010, 01:54:50 PM »
Dear Dog,
Yes I know it's exciting that you've seen the-dog-who-lives-next-door for the first time this year.  However, you've known this dog (and his people too!) for two years now.  It's not necessary to woof at them extensively, nor is it necessary to race up and down the fence to prove that this is your land, not his.  Also, don't woof at me when I drag you inside; I'm not the one displaying bad manners here!

Love,
Your irritated owner

Carnation

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #116 on: April 11, 2010, 02:04:48 PM »
Dear old beloved arthritic large breed dog.

I don't mind literally carrying you up and down the stairs for potty breaks, but it aggrieves me that you can suddenly find the strength and energy run down the street to go after, with ill intent, the dog belonging to the unfriendly neighbor.


Missyanthrope

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #117 on: April 11, 2010, 11:31:02 PM »
Dear Slinky...

It breaks my heart to see you grow so old and grey.  I wish I knew what caused your blindness, and I wish I could cure it.  I miss seeing you chase your brother in circles around the house, scare the squirrels in the backyard, and try to catch birds as they flew through the yard.  However...

You eat the same dog food your brother does.  And we arent talking the cheap grocery store stuff, but the stuff we have to trek to the vet every month to get and pay for with parts of our bank account and bits of our soul.  Why have you recently started passing gas like crazy?  Good Lord, dog...even the cat is now avoiding you.

Stop "sharking" around the house and eating anything that brushes up against your nose and even remotely can be construed as food in your mind.  That last thing you ate was a bead from your little human sister's broken bracelet.  And its getting weird cleaning up your multi-colored poop after you eat her crayons.

Its sweet that you want to be where I am, but must it be all the time?  My armchair was comfy when it was just me.  Add you and the belly full of babies I got going, and its downright claustraphobic now.  Daddy loves you, too...and HE has the chair and a half.  Go sit with him!!!


Dear Dinky...

I love you, but if I had understood that being a purebred would mean you were a stupid as a rock I wouldnt have paid so much for you.  Honey, I have socks that are smarter than you are.  I love you, my special needs child.  If they made a helmet in your size I'd buy it for you just so people would understand why you are the way you are.

Leave the dang blasted cat alone.  She doesnt care about the household hierarchy, havent you figured that out?  If I can handle her looking down on me surely you can get over your issues, hmm?

You are NOT starving to death.  In fact you are a wee bit pudgy.  This is why you are not allowed to eat whatever, whenever, and however you wish.  Stop stealing your sister dog's food, the cat's food, and our food.  It is NOT endearing to leave a plate of food on the table only to find you have used your long little weenie dog body to stand up VERTICALLY and pull it off the table.  I do not find it cute that you have figured out of you follow your human sister around the house and harass her she will drop what she is eating so you can glom onto it.

On the weight subject, lets discuss why we are so very mean to you.  Do you realize the last time you hurt your back it cost us several thousand dollars to fix you?  The weight isnt helping.  You WILL lose weight, as I cannot afford to have you fixed again.  I am sooo mean, I know.

Oh, and from now on your are going out on a leash on trash day.  Both the neighbors and I are tired of cleaning up after your gastronomical "Tour De Neighborhood".

Stop stealth licking me.  You know I dont like it, you know I have NEVER liked it.  Trying to sneak in a lick in the middle of the night to the bottom of my foot is only going to end in you getting kicked when I scream and start thrashing.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2010, 12:09:39 AM by Missyanthrope »

Bratski

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #118 on: April 12, 2010, 12:45:39 AM »
Dear Bruno,

You are a handsome doggie and yes everyone does love you. However, not everyone who comes over is here for you. So you don't need to keep nudging the new person to let them know that yes they are worthy of petting you, no need to be shy. If they want to pet you, they will. Right now they have to go wring out their pantsleg from all the drool, so I guess those pets will have to wait. Please stop looking at me like I drove away your adoring fan, you have plenty more, go drool on them.

Also the delivery man is not bringing the food for you and I don't think standing on the porch woofing at him will get him to give you the food. All you are doing is scaring the poor man. Please don't make me drag you into the house, I promise you can have some fries.

I love that you freak out when I come home in the morning and that you love me so much that I can't move 6 inches away from you without being nudged. But I have to get the kids off to school and you know after they've gone you get to snuggle next to me and have your belly rubbed until my hand goes numb.

You get fed three times a day. You know this, so please stop flinging your food dish around the kitchen. Also, just because I am filling up your water bowl doesn't mean I am filling up your food dish as well. Running to the pantry and woofing then running to your dish and flinging it is annoying. You are getting too heavy and I want to keep you around as long as I can.

You are getting old Bruno and your hearing has started to go. I guess that's why I caught you sleeping on the couch three days running. Although you did have a perfect "Oh crap she caught me" look on your face that made me wish I had a camera.

Love,
Your drool soaked mom

,

Cyradis

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #119 on: April 12, 2010, 12:50:41 AM »
Hee, Del Piero's a great name for a pup! Is he a black and white dog? Azzurri loved footballs when she was a pup. I wanted to call my other dog "Milan" when I got her but she was such a tiny scrap. I ended up calling her Kira for Kira Nerys on DS9.

Meeka is white, although DH is threatening to decorate our babies nursery in soccer gear when we have a baby. Meeks is totally into footballs, her favorite toy is yellow bouncy one that carries around the house at all times. He loves you picture btw!

Azzurri would butt her footballs around the front yard :D A football nursery would be too adorable! Is Juventus breaking his heart this season like Milan is breaking mine?