To my doggie nephew and his sister, who I take care of when mommy and daddy go away:
Names changed to protect the innocent:
I know you are old, and have some, um, digestive issues, but I would really appreciate it if you could hold your gas, and not let fly as I'm walking up the stairs RIGHT BEHIND you....Its really not pleasant at all.
You get your treat every night at the same time. headbutting me an hour and a half before that time WILL not make me get up and give it to you any earlier, you;ll just have to wait.
To the both of you - I know you have to go out and do your business when you wake up, but I am the boss, so no one goes out, until I go first!