Dear Dog:

[BarensMom]

Dear Baren:

I understand it's a dominance thing with you dogs, but could you please stop trying to hump every dog that comes into the dog park?  It's very embarrassing to me and putting you back on the leash defeats the purpose of our visit.  Play nice with the other doggies, will you please?

[hobish]

Dear Jayna,

Thank you for the gift of an inch long string of snot delivered directly to my face. Thank you as well for licking it off immediately when you realized it didn't suit. It is, after all, the thought that counts.

[Dr. F.]

Dear Lucas,

Was it really necessary to overturn the container of 2 lbs worth of spiced, clarified butter (niter kebbeh) all over yourself and the kitchen floor? Really?!?! Yes, Mr. Dog, you *are* getting a bath tonight. I really hope we don't have troubles with all that butter working its way through your system tonight. Mommy has a big presentation tomorrow, remember?

[violinp]

This is years old, but here goes:

Dear Lorenzo,
You are a year old Jack Russell. That is a metal leash we had on you. You should not have been able to break that and chase a squirrel. I have to believe that you have superdoggy powers of some kind.

Sincerely,
A very terrified owner

[Kimblee]

Dear Tucker,

It is a ROCK.

Not a toy.  I spent a small fortune buying you squeaky toys, balls, flying discs, and plush toys.  Why do you only want the rock I dug out of the garden? 

It isn't even a pretty rock.  It doesn't bounce.  It doesn't squeak.  And mommy can't throw it very far. 

And even if she could, she wouldn't.  What if it hit you?  That rock is bigger than your skull.  And as hard-headed as you seem, I'm quite sure the rock is harder.

Frankly, my dear puppy, I do not see the appeal.

Love,
Mommy

lol

My brother's dog Rocky got his name because as a puppy he liked to eat rocks. He'd chew them and his turds would be sandy. It was gross but funny.

Now he just carries them around the yard.

[AylaM]

Dear Tucker,

It is a ROCK.

Not a toy.  I spent a small fortune buying you squeaky toys, balls, flying discs, and plush toys.  Why do you only want the rock I dug out of the garden? 

It isn't even a pretty rock.  It doesn't bounce.  It doesn't squeak.  And mommy can't throw it very far. 

And even if she could, she wouldn't.  What if it hit you?  That rock is bigger than your skull.  And as hard-headed as you seem, I'm quite sure the rock is harder.

Frankly, my dear puppy, I do not see the appeal.

Love,
Mommy

lol

My brother's dog Rocky got his name because as a puppy he liked to eat rocks. He'd chew them and his turds would be sandy. It was gross but funny.

Now he just carries them around the yard.

Mine kicks them around, he'll put his two front feet on it, then give it a "push" like he was digging.  It will fly between his back feet a little, and he'll do it again. And again.  And again. When he gets bored, he'll pick it up and carry it across the yard and nibble at it, or just lay down with it.

When he is bored again he will carry it over to me and drop it.  I have to fake him out to throw it.  I throw it left when he runs right, because if I don't he gets to it before it stops sometimes.  He go hit with his first rock once, and scared me.  When he found his second rock, it was big enough that I wouldn't risk it again.

He tries to entice the other dogs into playing with the rock with him, but they are not interested.

[siamesecat2965]

Dear dog that I'm watching for the week.

I KNOW being a terrier and all when you get an idea in your head, or hear something, you need to see it or do it now now now now.  However, Mommy told me you would want to out in the middle of the night not necessarily beacuse you have to go, but you want to investigate the noise you heard!  Well, I heard it too, and it was a  cat yowling.  So you walking all over me, circling the bed, and pawing at the window, while your tags jingled didn't fool me one bit.  And that is why I let you out of hte bedroom adn shut the door.  And guess what, you were sound asleep this morning, so I don't think you missed much of anything.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Jasper:

Mommy is so proud of you! You learned to play with your ropey, the first toy you've ever had any interest in since I got you over a year ago! I feel so happy!

Your loving owner

[BarensMom]

Dear Baren:

It is a treadmill. Yes, Daddy runs on it every day.  It isn't going to hurt you.  Please stop shivering and drooling on me when he uses it. 

[finecabernet]

My dearest darling Buddy (the "son" of my brother and sister-in-law),

You know how much I adore you (in fact I helped hook you up with mommy and daddy so I have an especial fondness for you). I love how excited you get when I visit, but I do need to break it to you that you are an 80-pound labrador, and as such, are not intended to sit in the laps of humans. I also think that nipping the chin of whichever human whose lap you happen to be sitting in is a bad habit. But I can never be mad at you, you sweet baby boy!

Also you break my heart when you follow me into the kitchen when I get a second slice of pizza and watch me and drool. You know I can't give you extra food or your mommy will be upset. It WILL earn you an extra kiss and a pet, though.

[WhiteTigerCub]

Dear Ronee,

You know that little bed you had as a wee puppy that kept you from having to lie on the hard tile floor? Well, I haven't taken it away from you even though it's no longer soft and no longer has any fluff in it. It is an acceptable item for you to chew up at your hearts content because I know how much you enjoy it. Please, please refrain from tearing apart the TWO nice new soft pretty mats mummy has gotten to replace the old bed. If you continue to tear them apart, you'll no longer have anything soft to lay on and I know how much you love to lay on soft things, because I often find you laying on my brand new couch covers that you summarily pull off the couch to lay on. :/

[greencat]

Dear Rocky:

Our neighbor leaves for work at 3:30 in the morning five nights a week.  Please, please, for the love of Dog, stop barking at him.  I appreciate you letting me know there's someone moving around outside in the wee hours, but I thought I'd succeeded in teaching you that the neighbors are not to be barked at.

Your sleep-deprived human.

[hobish]

Dear Kilik,

AWWROOO-RROOOO-ROOO-WOOO-WOO-RO-RO-WRO-WROO-WRO-AWRRRR-AWRRROOO-AWROO- WOOO-WOO - ROOORORORORRROOO - RROOOOO-WOOOO-RORO-WOOO-ROOOO-WOOOOO-WROWROWRAWRO-WOO-WOO-WROOOO to you, too. Now please shut up already and go to sleep. I know. You told me three times now.

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Hogan and Saber,

It's just a storm; it will pass. I love you; please let me and daddy sleep tonight.

Dear Val,

Stop licking your stitches or I'm putting you back in the cone.

Mommy

[BarensMom]

Dear Hogan and Saber,

It's just a storm; it will pass. I love you; please let me and daddy sleep tonight.

Dear Val,

Stop licking your stitches or I'm putting you back in the cone.

Mommy

Oh no, not the cone of shame!