Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 83966 times)

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misha412

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #345 on: June 19, 2012, 09:05:59 PM »
Dear Dagan,

I love you, my big black slobbery lab. I know life has changed so dramatically over the past few months. First, DF moved in. You and him had to work out dominance issues. A bit of a rocky time, but you and him are buds now. 

I hate to break the bad news. The two little hissy monsters are staying. I know you don't like them hissing, but they are here. And at 9 weeks old, they are only going to become more annoying. You need to pull on your big boy panties and get used to them. Dodging their claws is a good skill you can work on.

Yes, they are allowed in places you are not. But, they only weigh three pounds combined. You weigh 90 pounds. So you are not allowed to lay on my lap. You are welcome to get belly lovies and ear scratchies from the floor level.

And, no, you are not allowed on the new mattress. It costs too much to have a dog slobbering and scrounging on it. So that means the bedroom door is closed. Sorry my beautiful boy, but that is the rules.

And the slurping of your private parts while Mommy is trying to nap will not get you any nice words or make Mommy happy. So cut it out!!!

Love, Mommy


greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #346 on: June 19, 2012, 10:57:04 PM »
Dear Rocky:

When people come over, their sole purpose is not to pet you.  In fact, they probably don't want your giant head in their laps.  They definitely do not want the giant rest of you in their laps!  Also, just because a cat has occupied the guest's lap does not mean you need to bark at the guest/cat combination.  Please leave my guests alone and go sleep somewhere or lick the cat - he really really wants your attention.

Love mommy.

P.S. Mommy appreciates your fine judgement on the subject of not barking at certain repeat guests.  I like actually getting to hear people knocking on the front door - I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like!

Pippen

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #347 on: June 19, 2012, 11:17:57 PM »
Dear Pippen

Yes you can have a pillow. No you can't have 4 pillows. I would like at least one. You can fit in a shoebox and have no need to hog them all.

Also we need to discuss your job performance as the neighbours cats have indicated they think you are a joke and are still using my garden as a toilet.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #348 on: June 20, 2012, 01:38:34 PM »
Dear Banshee,

Your brother leaps right up into the back of my SUV.  You, on the other hand, get your front legs up there and wait for Momma to lift your back legs in (which you help with by keeping them stiff).

So why did you think you could leap up over that dirt ledge?  I didn't see it, but Daddy tells me you hit at your armpits, scrambled a bit, then slid off.  I'm so sorry, Baby Girl, but I most certainly am laughing at you.  You're a big dog, you can run fast, and you're pretty ferocious, but you cannot jump.

Love Momma
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

hobish

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #349 on: June 20, 2012, 02:03:04 PM »

Dear Jayna,
You can have my spot on the bed when i am done with it, not before. The first time you sat on my head it was funny ... it is wearing thin.

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem

Craftyone

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #350 on: June 21, 2012, 07:45:45 AM »
Dear Porter,
With dad away in another state for work (we're moving once we've got the house settled over there and sold our house here, long story) you can have his side of the bed but not mine too.  And please stop the grumbling when I (try to) move you over so I'm not clinging to the edge.
Love
Mum.

BarensMom

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #351 on: June 21, 2012, 01:47:41 PM »
Dear Baren:

You can chew on your Texas toothpicks out in the garage, so please stop trying to sneak them past me into the house.  Also, please stop putting your upturned belly into my face when we're in bed.  I know you're a boy, I don't need to be reminded.  Thank you.

crella

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #352 on: June 21, 2012, 08:51:13 PM »
Dearest Bob,

That thing around your neck is usually called 'the cone of shame' not 'all-purpose ball and snack catcher'. I will give you points for creativity, but you're supposed to be quieter with one of those. Contrary to your jaunty strut,and asking for it to be put back on after you eat, they usually aren't considered a fashion statement....

Gotta love a Flatcoat...

Mum

kitkatswing

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #353 on: June 21, 2012, 09:00:44 PM »
Dearest Bob,

That thing around your neck is usually called 'the cone of shame' not 'all-purpose ball and snack catcher'. I will give you points for creativity, but you're supposed to be quieter with one of those. Contrary to your jaunty strut,and asking for it to be put back on after you eat, they usually aren't considered a fashion statement....

Gotta love a Flatcoat...

Mum

I could re-write that word for word a few days ago...  Maui did the same thing, he even used it to dig up dirt,....


crella

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #354 on: June 21, 2012, 10:28:45 PM »
Too funny! I had to duct tape it yesterday because of a huge crack he put in it.

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #355 on: June 22, 2012, 01:40:21 AM »
Dear Rocky:

Please stop barking at the small and timid cat exploring the back yard.  I don't care that he's back there, and it's not like you actually want to go outside to do anything about his presence anyway since you're afraid of cats, even (possibly especially) the ones you live with.

Please shut up now so that I can go to bed?


MissRose

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #356 on: June 23, 2012, 07:16:07 AM »
Dear Dude,

Yes, you are a good (white/yellow German shepherd) dog (and also watch dog) like your "wifey" Banana is, and your "mother in law" Keeta is, and Coco the puppy is learning to be a watch dog.  But we don't appreciate your various escape artist antics and sometimes having to chase you through the neighborhood when you decide to make a run for it in the middle of the night (or other times) when you need to do your business (or just plain decide you want to go for a run).

Love from your sometimes exasperated owners,

MissRose's Sister and Sister's boyfriend plus MissRose's niece & nephew.

misha412

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #357 on: June 28, 2012, 12:41:21 AM »
Dear Dagan,

I know the kittens are getting on your nerves, but nipping at them is not acceptable. They are too small to handle you. Nosing, playing, and licking are all good. Nipping is not.

I still love you my big pup, but sometimes I has to get stern with you.

Love, Mom


JadeAngel

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #358 on: June 28, 2012, 12:59:24 AM »
Dear Indiana,

You are a bright yellow golden retreiever. You shed like a mofo. These are the two reasons I avoid you when I'm wearing black pants and skirts. It's not personal I promise, so please stop ambushing me when I sit down and stealth bombing me with fur.

Love

Me.

Nikko-chan

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #359 on: June 28, 2012, 02:38:58 AM »
Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor