I love you, my big black slobbery lab. I know life has changed so dramatically over the past few months. First, DF moved in. You and him had to work out dominance issues. A bit of a rocky time, but you and him are buds now.
I hate to break the bad news. The two little hissy monsters are staying. I know you don't like them hissing, but they are here. And at 9 weeks old, they are only going to become more annoying. You need to pull on your big boy panties and get used to them. Dodging their claws is a good skill you can work on.
Yes, they are allowed in places you are not. But, they only weigh three pounds combined. You weigh 90 pounds. So you are not allowed to lay on my lap. You are welcome to get belly lovies and ear scratchies from the floor level.
And, no, you are not allowed on the new mattress. It costs too much to have a dog slobbering and scrounging on it. So that means the bedroom door is closed. Sorry my beautiful boy, but that is the rules.
And the slurping of your private parts while Mommy is trying to nap will not get you any nice words or make Mommy happy. So cut it out!!!