Dear Dog:

[Mental Magpie]

Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor

Can you see the dog through the fence?  If so, stand in front of him, and when he starts to bark, loudly and sternly say, "STOP!".  The second he stops barking in reply to you saying that, start praising him.  Go completely over the top in telling him what a good boy he is, and you have to do it immediately when he stops barking.  Rinse and repeat.  Colossus and Banshee, my Akitas, picked up this trick very quickly.  The mail man could even get them to stop barking once I told him how to do it.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Atomic,

I love you. Your fur is so white and pure, and you are an awesome dog, even if you aren't mine. But please for the love of Bob stop barking. I understand your owner leaves you out there, and shame on him, but please please please stop barking! I can't sleep.

An exasparated neighbor

Can you see the dog through the fence?  If so, stand in front of him, and when he starts to bark, loudly and sternly say, "STOP!".  The second he stops barking in reply to you saying that, start praising him.  Go completely over the top in telling him what a good boy he is, and you have to do it immediately when he stops barking.  Rinse and repeat.  Colossus and Banshee, my Akitas, picked up this trick very quickly.  The mail man could even get them to stop barking once I told him how to do it.

Thanks for the tip Dark Magdalena.
Onto another letter:

Dear Jasper,

Yes mommy loves you. You must however quit jumping up on me. I haven't been gone 3 months, I have been out of the house for only a few hours.

Respectfully,

The giver of the treats.

[Mental Magpie]

You're welcome, Nikko-chan,  I've a lot of them up my sleeves...and really big sleeves 


Dear Banshee,

When you found your first animal part in the great mountains of Colorado, you stayed 50 yards away from us, staring as we tried to call you with the deer leg dangling from your mouth.  I then figured out why you were avoiding us: you were afraid we would yell at you for your catch.  I told you what a good girl you were and your tail immediately started going; I thought you were going to shake off it.  A few more, "Good girls!" and you came running towards us, deer leg flopping about; then you pranced around proudly and went to lie down to enjoy your prize and just how satisfied you were with yourself that Momma and Daddy were proud of you.

Since then, you have brought home 5 other animal parts.  You know I draw the line at bringing them in the house, and Daddy won't touch them to move them, but for the love of nature, will you please stop leaving them on the porch where, when I come outside to tell you to stop baring at the cows at 4 in the morning still mostly asleep and without my glasses on, I step on them?  That would be much, much appreciated.

Love,
Momma


Dear Colossus,

Alright, Goober, Jambon, Hambone, DumDum, et cetera, listen up.  There will be plenty of people here to pet you in the next couple of days.  That does not mean that they are required to pet you, so when they don't, don't come pouting to me and require extra attention.  I love you, but I see you every day.  Daddy and I both know you're a momma's boy, but you don't have to hang from my apron strings just because people aren't petting you.  It gets hard to walk with 100+ pounds constantly leaning on me and following me.

Love,
Momma

[greencat]

Dear Rocky,

Mommy was very grateful to you this morning for making your loudest, angriest bark at the weird noises that woke me up (later determined to be one of the neighbors slamming their own front door hard enough to make mine rattle! and subsequent movement of the neighbor to and from their own car) and then shutting up about it when I informed you that it was okay.  You were a very good watch-doggy today.

Love,
Your human who is reminded again why she has a big, loud, scary-looking black dog.  Even if he is actually more of a slobbery teddy bear than a slavering terror beast.

[Mental Magpie]

Dear Rocky,

Mommy was very grateful to you this morning for making your loudest, angriest bark at the weird noises that woke me up (later determined to be one of the neighbors slamming their own front door hard enough to make mine rattle! and subsequent movement of the neighbor to and from their own car) and then shutting up about it when I informed you that it was okay.  You were a very good watch-doggy today.

Love,
Your human who is reminded again why she has a big, loud, scary-looking black dog.  Even if he is actually more of a slobbery teddy bear than a slavering terror beast.

This reminded me...

Dear Skeletor,

I know this was years ago, but I just want to thank you for looking big and scary.  You're half Rottweiler and half Border Collie, and you look it.  When Momma was driving the largest Budget truck they make and pulling a U-Haul car trailer, she often had to stop at the semi's side of the truck stops.  I didn't have a firearm with me because they were all at home, but you sufficed.  Every time I got out of the cab, you'd shove your face up into the window and watch me closely.  I probably don't even know how many times you saved my life, and I can't thank you enough.  Your bark probably scared away any number of offenders.

You also helped me through the hardest time of my life.  I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me.

Oh, and you still answer to me when I call you Poopface.  You have no idea how much that makes me smile.

Love,
Momma

[Lysistrata]

Dear Piper,

Did you notice that I gave you and sister ONE rawhide chew each? That means you don't get both of them. Stop stealing your sister's treats!

Love,
Mommy


Dear Moxie,

Seriously, she's 1/3 your size! Stop letting her steal all your treats!

Love, Mommy

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Spencer and Tracy,

I so did not want to wake up to the oh so dulcet tones of both of you peeing on my rug. But was it necessary to also leave twin piles of poo on my side of the bed?

Shampooing the carpet at 3 am is not fun. Neither was stepping in Twin Peaks on my way to let you out. Both of you (and Daddy, too) are in the dog house.

Seriously, you get 30 minutes of yard time before bed at 10:30 and we get up at 4:30 to let you out. Not cool guys.

Mommy

[Snooks]

Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming

[hobish]

Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming

  I was just going to post this. One of Gish's Facebook friends shared it yesterday and when i finally got a chance to look at it i literally laughed so hard i cried. Hilarious.



Edited because going has an i in it, darnit. I keep doing that.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Jasper,

Things have been hectic and I know you need your flea and heartworm medicine. I will get it a.s.a.p I promise. But please please don't have fleas.

Thank you,

Your loving slave.

[snowfire]

Thought this was the best place for this: Dog shaming

ROFLMAO.  All the dogs look so incredibly guilty.  And the cat couldn't care less, they don't know how to look guilty. 

[Mental Magpie]

I'm seriously crying I'm laughing so hard!

[guihong]

That is now my favorite time waster website (next to Ehell, of course )

[siamesecat2965]

And I just posted that and the cat shaming in the "Dear cat" thread.  I was dying too.  the dogs all look so guilty. A friend posted a video of him chastisding his Boston Terrier for peeing in the house, and the dog just knows.  and looks at him like "I know you're made but I also know you still love me"

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Hogan,

Mommy just bought those shoes. Naughty boy!

Mommy