Dear Dog:

[readingchick]

Schroder, I know that you are 'off duty' and free to not be a Service Dog (TM). I also know that yes, your 'wedding tackle' is intact for the time being (but don't get too used to it, bub!). However, Abby dog is both not possessed of her own working bits, nor are you fewer than 10 inches shorter than her. Please stop trying to climb aboard and play Scrabble!!! You'd need a stepstool or a miracle, or both!

oh, dear, I'm getting quite the visual!

[lemonfloorwax]

Dear friend's dog:
You weigh 10 pounds sopping wet. I know you think you are much, much bigger, but you aren't. We finally got to the point where you would stop barking and sit on my lap and let me pet you. I haven't seen you for two days and we're back to "LFW is my mortal enemy"?
Guess I'd better stock up on dog treats. *sigh*
-LFW

[Midnight Kitty]

Dear Honey Girl;

I know your inner Terrorist* wants to chase your adopted brother, Buddy (9 month old cat), but you need to "Just Say No" to cat chasing.  Buddy has all his pointy bits.  So far he's only batted your nose with his paws.  Trust me, it will hurt a lot more if he uses his claws.  He wants to play, so try not to obsess and relax.

Dear Buddy;

Please share toys with Honey girl.  It isn't fair for you to lay on her bed and chewing on her rawhide bone when you beat her up if she dares to approach your toys or food.

To Both of the Kids;

Play nice! You are going to be best friends for many, many years.

Sincerely,
The Head Servant

*Honey Girl is a rescue, probably a terrier-dachshund mix.  We call terriers "terrorists" because they live to destroy all the dog and cat toys they can get their little teeth into.

[wheeitsme]

Dear Melody,

I understand that we both love our yard, however when I dig, I put things IN the ground.  Taking them out again is not really helping.

[mmswm]

Dear Bubbles,

Your quirks never cease to amaze me.  While appreciate the money savings afforded by your obsession with empty 2 liter plastic soda bottles, I find it strange that you prefer them over tasty ham bones.

Love,
The provider of soda bottles.

[greencat]

Dear Rocky,

You are a big, big dog.  Can you kindly not lay completely across narrow spaces in my house, like the front hallway or the stairs or the kitchen floor, requiring me to take risky steps over you - fortunately, you haven't decided to get up in the middle yet, but at some point, I'm going to either end up with another sprained ankle, or a busted tailbone because you make bad choices for your sleeping places.  The kitties have already caused me to do minor bits of damage to my ankles as they try and trip me, so please, just, lay out of the walkway?

Love,
Mommy.

[mmswm]

Dear Rocky,

Your mommy just doesn't realize that we really, really big dogs lay in the narrow spaces to protect you from evil intruders.  Just keep doing what you're doing and she'll get used to it.

Love,
Bubbles, the 135lb Mastiff who's ever vigilant in keeping his family safe from all harm.

[mbbored]

Dear Falcor,

I'm sure that moldy block of cheese was delicious. I'm sure at the time it was totally worth breaking the childproof lock on the trashcan. But after a night in which you woke me up hourly to be sick, don't you think it maybe wasn't worth it after all? Clearly not, because you keep trying to get back in the @*&$^ trashcan.

Love,
mbbored

P.S. Try not to get sick again while I run to the hardware store for another cabinet lock.

[Julian]

Dear Falcor

Don't let it stop you.  I snarfed the cats' tuna when I was a tiny puppy, and then spent all night barfing over Mum in her bed.  And guess what, I still love tuna! 

Just make sure you don't barf on yourself though, b-a-t-h-s aren't fun...

Love
Molly

[MissRose]

Dear Daisy, Duke and Diva,

Thank you for being such nice doggies when I came over to see my cousin and her family.  You are all proof that well trained and treated dobermans are not vicious to others.

Love, Cousin Rose

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Spencer

Foster dog of my heart, I am so proud of you. You came to us a year ago, scared and unable to let anyone close to you. Thank you for trusting me and DH. You let us pet you, walk you, play with you and you let Valentine teach you about being a dog. Watching you and Tracy play is so joyous because we never thought it was possible.

We still have work to do but, you and Tracy are going to make so lucky family so happy someday. Happy anniversary, my little friend. Turkey burgers will be on every fog bowl tonight. You earned it.

Your very proud foster mommy.

[Nikko-chan]

Dear Buddy,

Your mom and I want to know what the heck crawled up inside you and died. While we are at it, I would also like to know why you insisted upon passing gas only when you walked right by me as your butt passed my face. You really know how to clear a room and make people feel ill. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Your loving aunt.

[Midnight Kitty]

Dear Buddy,

Your mom and I want to know what the heck crawled up inside you and died. While we are at it, I would also like to know why you insisted upon passing gas only when you walked right by me as your butt passed my face. You really know how to clear a room and make people feel ill. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Your loving aunt.

How come dog farts are sooooo foul?  When Honey Girl passed gas in the car, DH & I couldn't get the windows open fast enough.

Dogs aren't the only creatures that seem to delight in farting in their people's faces.  Misty (our little red mare) waited until I was getting the tangles out of her mane, then blasted me in the face.  I must say, horse farts are much more pleasant than dog farts.

[Valentines Mommy]

Or dog burps! Valentine has gotten so unladylike. I started adding salmon oil to their food as it is great for their skin and coats. Unfortunately, it gives my pups some rank fish breath. Which Valentine delights in sharing with the family via one of her earth shaking belches.

[mmswm]

Dear Bubbles,

I know you like intimidating people who drive into our yard.  I also know that you really do like big vehicles.  In spite of this, I need you to be on your best behavior tonight.  Mommy's date had a little issue with his job and he'll have to drive his semi here so we can take my car instead of picking me up in his regular truck.  Semi's aren't all that easy to drive, and the guy is going to have to back it the last 300 feet of the driveway, and I really don't want him running over you.  Even though you are a very big dog, the semi is bigger, and it will still win if it hits you.

Love,
Mommy