Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 88636 times)

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greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #690 on: January 19, 2014, 05:45:07 AM »
Dear Ariel,

Yes, you have  cute tummy. However, crawling toward me on your elbows and then flopping over and wiggling your tummy at me do not change the fact that YOU NEED A BATH. You want to stop having nearly-daily baths? Stop PLAYING IN THE MUD.

Pelon,

Likewise, I am even less impressed by you barking and growling at me. I know full well that you're all bark and no bite, you goof. You should realize by now that making a fuss doesn't impede me from doing what I want at all.

Lucas,

It is a bath. You are not being water-boarded. Seriously, cut the histrionics.

Your damp and still slightly muddy,

Mom

Dear dogs of Dr. F,

My mommy got tired of me creating a local spot of extremely high gravity and having to get a big man to lift me into the bathtub after I flatted myself to the floor when it was bathtime.  She reprogrammed me with cat treats to get in the bathtub on command.  Maybe your mommy can try the same thing?

Love,

Rocky, who does not like baths but does like cat treats.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #691 on: January 21, 2014, 07:25:48 PM »
I have a suggestion for bathing cats and dogs which has worked extremely well for me for many, many years.  This only works if you have a stall shower with sliding doors - a curtain will not work.  You also need a hand held shower head.

First I strip down to undies so I don't get my clothes wet. Then I pick up the animal, get in the shower, and close the door.  Put the animal down and let it walk around.  Start running room temperature water.  Spray the animal.  Avoid getting their heads wet.  I wash faces/ears/heads with a damp washcloth.  This approach will not work if you start by spraying the poor critter in the face.

Get animal wet.  Start lathering with the neck in case there are fleas.  You don't want them to migrate from the body to the pet's head.  Then lather up the rest of the animal.  If using flea shampoo or medicated shampoo, turn the water off while the shampoo sits for 5 minutes.  During the waiting period, whisper sweet nothings to your little one while massaging them.  The late Bootsie (a cat) would actually purr during this part because it was the only time Midnight let her have my undivided attention.

Finally, rinse, rinse, and rinse again.  Shampoo/soap left may irritate their skin.  I dry with a towel.  Whisper more sweet nothings while drying.

We've had Honey Girl for 8 months and she gets bathed weekly.  She started out quivering the whole time and now it doesn't bother her a bit.  When summer comes and we have a hot day, I'll give her a cool shower and she'll be a convert.  My old dog, GingerBear, would beg for showers on hot days.  On the other hand, the cat, Buddy, may never agree that he needs bathing, but using the above approach, he takes his frustrations out on the sliding glass shower door and I emerge scratch-free! ;D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

AnnaT

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #692 on: January 21, 2014, 08:00:14 PM »
Midnight Kitty that's exactly how I bathe my cat - which given the fluffiness of his behind and the delicateness of his stomach  :P can be too often for his (and my) peace of mind!

Julian

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #693 on: January 21, 2014, 08:48:07 PM »
Dear Ella

I thought you were supposed to be a Maltese Shih-Tzu cross.  Instead it appears you're actually Bengal Tiger - Great White Shark cross.

Lucky you're cute enough to pull it off anyway.

Love
Aunty J, the bleeding one.

Dear Suzi

You're a great little babysitter!  I love watching you and Ella play.  Please remind her that teeth and claws are pointy!

Love
Mum

Dear Molly

Toughen up, Buttercup!  She's here to stay. 

Love
Your refuge lap.

mbbored

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #694 on: January 22, 2014, 12:47:11 AM »
Dear Falcor,

I'm really glad that you're so excited to ride in the car. But that high pitched whining noise you make nonstop while we're in there? It's going to make me deliberately drive off a bridge one day and nobody would blame me.

Love,
Your momma with very sensitive ears

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #695 on: January 22, 2014, 06:22:08 AM »

Dear Sam

Exactly how much fluid can one dog hold? You're a goofy lad who only comes up to my hip and not that weighty, but you stand outside on your loo breaks for several minutes. Even when you're finished you sometimes leak more!

Where are you hiding all this liquid? You don't look and skinnier when you're done!

Your slightly bamboozled Human
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

RebeccainGA

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #696 on: January 22, 2014, 09:05:44 AM »
Sweet Schroder, I know you are baffled by the new car. Yes, the Fiat is significantly smaller than the mini van. No, you can't ride on the dashboard in compensation for not having your own seat. However, if Mommy is driving alone, I WILL turn the seat warmer on for you (leather gets cold!).

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #697 on: January 22, 2014, 02:49:39 PM »
However, if Mommy is driving alone, I WILL turn the seat warmer on for you (leather gets cold!).
Now that's what I call living in the lap of luxury. ;D

Our Princess, Honey Girl, isn't spoiled much; She just lives a civilized life.  >:D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Nikko-chan

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #698 on: January 23, 2014, 12:45:06 AM »
Dear Jasper,

Please stop it with the doggie farts of doom. We are not at war with anyone I promise you.

Sincerely,

Your almost stinked out human

MonteCristo

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #699 on: January 24, 2014, 03:49:11 PM »
Dear Sydney,

I am the only one who can open the door, so I get to decide when you can go in and out.  If I call you in, and you don't come, don't expect me to drop whatever I'm doing when you finally decide your royal highness is ready to walk through the door.  I promise you that whinning definitely doesn't make me go faster, so just chill.  Also, while the kitties and I are happy that you enjoy the nice crisp weather, try to control yourself when you come back inside.  Running inside and jumping on one of us is not fun. 

I promise, as soon as it warms up a smidge we will start rollerblading again.  Just try not to go crazy in the mean time! 

With love from Mommy.

Copper Horsewoman

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #700 on: January 25, 2014, 11:13:35 AM »
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.


Especially drinking and driving!  (Loved the pic of your chauffeur (SP?))

BarensMom

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #701 on: January 25, 2014, 08:00:02 PM »
Dear Baxter,

You are a lush.  Red wine and Jack Daniels aren't cheap.  Please refrain from drinking them in the future.

Love,
Mommy.

This needs to go in the Things you should not laugh at thread... but is poor Baxter okay?

Baxter is a 148 pound mastiff.  He can handle his liquor.   And yes, I shouldn't laugh, but it was hysterical.   He doesn't go after any other kind of alcohol, but red wine and whiskey are a weakness of his. He goes to great lengths to steal it. When he does manage I try to get it away from him ASAP and monitor him closely until I'm sure he's okay.  I swear one of these days I'm going to have to explain to a vet why I'm bringing in a drunk dog.


Especially drinking and driving!  (Loved the pic of your chauffeur (SP?))

When I was a teenager, I had a poodle that loved to drink the leftovers from my dad's bottles of wine and liquor.  He would pour it into the caps of the bottles and she'd lap it up.  Her favorite was Kahlua.

Julian

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #702 on: February 20, 2014, 08:59:20 PM »
Dear Shredder, Splinter and Insinkerator...

Yes you three, Molly, Ella and Suzi, in order.

Molly - my pyjamas are not chew toys.  Please do not shred them any more.  I was particularly irked about my favourite purple ones.  Not Happy!   >:(

Ella, the cockatoos throw those branches down from the pine trees because they're in the way when they're attacking the pine cones, not so that you can play with them and pull off all the needles on the loungeroom rug.  Fresh pine sap probably isn't very healthy for a wee puppy either.  Also, just in case I haven't already mentioned it forty million times a day, Leave The Cats Alone!   >:(

Suzi - the See Food diet isn't healthy for dogs.  Just because you see food doesn't mean you get to eat it.  Although that really applies to all of you, and the cats as well.   ::)

Keep this up, you lot, and I will be hiring you all out according to your specialties...  fabric recycling, wood chipping and garbage disposal...   >:D

Love
She who cooks the bacon

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #703 on: February 20, 2014, 09:51:03 PM »
Dear Coffee Bean,

Waking me up to request a food bowl refill with gentle headbutts and paw taps to my face and tiny meows is cute.
Following breakfast consumption with an episode of "When Kittens Attack!" is not.  I do not need perforations. 

Love,

Your human mom.

Valentines Mommy

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #704 on: February 21, 2014, 07:06:55 PM »
Dear Spencer,

Your tally this week is:


One Mister Bill doll
Two pairs of shoes
Three Baseball caps
A DVD
The Recycling bin
My laptop cord
A dog bed
A blanket
An ottoman

We walk you, feed you, pet you and give you lots of toys and chews. What is it you're missing so I can give it to you.

Please stop eating my stuff.

Your sad and tired foster mom.