Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 88478 times)

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hobish

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #720 on: April 02, 2014, 12:24:55 AM »

Dear Dog,

I really love you, but if you steal my donuts again I will make your head into a terrible and disturbing hat with eyeholes and a veil. And i will make boots from your feet, my pretty.

xoxo
It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
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jedikaiti

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #721 on: April 02, 2014, 12:58:09 AM »
Dear Pilsner,

BALLOONS? WHY???

Your Humom.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #722 on: April 11, 2014, 02:50:14 AM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Black Delphinium

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #723 on: April 11, 2014, 08:42:04 AM »
Momma-
I can't tell you how I know...but THEY ARE COMING...you'll thank me for being so prepared one of these days.

Baxter
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #724 on: April 12, 2014, 12:18:52 AM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.

Baxter, dude!

We, like, TOTALLY understand, mate! It's sooo important for a dude to have his den. And you have wheels! That's like totally rad, mate! We're going to try and take over the station wagon tonight and go cruisin' for cats to chase!

The Demon Twins
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Snooks

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #725 on: April 12, 2014, 04:42:18 PM »
Dear Baxter,

I realize the last few months have been pretty crazy, but why for the love of all that is good do you insist on sleeping in the car every night?  This is not normal.

Love,
The owner of the car you have turned into your own, personal, Mastiff den.

Come on mmswm you know that car hasn't been yours since the moment Baxter took the driver's seat, once he works out how to turn the key you won't see him for dust! Of course you'll still need to pay the insurance, dogs are notoriously lax when it comes to admin.

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #726 on: April 12, 2014, 06:44:09 PM »
Very good point, Snooks.  Though, in the interest of full disclosure, I no longer drive the green civic.  My trusty little car finally went to the great garage in the sky.  It has been replaced with a minivan.  Of course, Baxter wasting no time claiming it as his own.  I might be in trouble, because the minivan has an automatic transmission, so Baxter no longer needs to figure out how to manage a clutch.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

andi

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #727 on: April 12, 2014, 09:13:15 PM »
Jack -

Just because Bailey is spending more time in the house does not mean you can revert back to puppyhood. You poohed in the dining room last night because daddy let her nap in the bedroom and you owed in my room tonight because ... I have no idea

Stop it. Now. You know better

demarco

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #728 on: April 12, 2014, 09:37:48 PM »
Dear Temperance,

You really covered yourself with glory today, didn't you?  Not only did you steal mommy's piece of cheese right off her lunch plate but you dipped your snout right  into Daddy's pear flavored Italian ice tonight at Rita's. That's not the half of it, either, but we won't go there, will we?

Love,

Mommy

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #729 on: April 12, 2014, 10:19:30 PM »
Dear Baxter,

You do not need to be friends with every resident of a large US city.  Some people are afraid of big dogs.  It's not a personal insult to you if they don't want to pet you.  You don't have to slink away and mope just because one woman out of the 100 people we passed didn't stop to pet you.

Love,
The lady at the other end of the leash.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Dr. F.

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #730 on: April 13, 2014, 05:06:38 PM »
Dear Baxter,

You do not need to be friends with every resident of a large US city.  Some people are afraid of big dogs.  It's not a personal insult to you if they don't want to pet you.  You don't have to slink away and mope just because one woman out of the 100 people we passed didn't stop to pet you.

Love,
The lady at the other end of the leash.

Baxter,

Poor Baby! If I were there, I'd happily snorgle your tummy and love on you double to make up for the nasty woman. Plus, my dogs - all 3! - would love to play with you (they prefer to play with much bigger dogs - dunno why). Lucas' bestie is a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

Lucas' et al. Mommy

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #731 on: April 13, 2014, 05:38:45 PM »
Dear Lucas,

My best friend is a 9 pound Jack Russel/Chihuahua mix. We should totally get together and play sometime, especially if your mommy likes to give belly scritches and ear scritches.

Baxter.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

mmswm

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #732 on: April 13, 2014, 10:11:37 PM »
Dear Baxter,

I know that you used to have acres to run around on and now you only have a medium sized back yard, but this is no excuse for scaring mommy to death by laying on the sidewalk and refusing to move a block from home, necessitating your boy to text mommy with an emergency text saying "bring the van, I don't know what's wrong", then leaping up with all the glee of a spoiled puppy as soon as the van arrived.

Love,

The woman who went broke bringing you back from the brink of death*

*Baxter was poisoned with rat poison several weeks ago and is still recovering, hence my panic this afternoon.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Fliss

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #733 on: April 14, 2014, 03:52:43 AM »

Dear Max

We need to talk about your attitude. You are loving and cuddly, but this extravagant growling you do whenever someone tries to move you is worrying. Last night you sounded like you were about to try and eat your daddy, and it's very disturbing to be woken by a dog that sounds like all three of Cerberus' heads.

Modify your language, young hound, or your days of snoozing on the bed when it's not in use are limited.

The provider of chewies and pigs ears.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

greencat

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #734 on: April 14, 2014, 03:57:45 AM »
Dear Rocky,

Yes, I know, you don't like baths.  No dog alive does.  However, you should know that you are extremely spoiled, since you get to take baths in the warm shower water instead of cold hose water.

Love,

The human who can't stand your stench