Dear Dog:

[mmswm]

Dear Lucy,

You have your own pillows.  Stay off mine.

Love,
The one who doesn't like to sleep on pillow cases that smell like dog.

[mlmama]

Dear Lavinia and Sirius,
You both get the same amount of attention. There is no need to shove in front of each other. I have 2 hands, one for each of ya.
 
Dear Loki,
When I say get out of the kitchen, that doesn't mean lay on the line between the kitchen and living room giving me sad eyes. Your food is next to you.

Dear Cujo,
Yes, you are tiny and cute, and a princess. This does not mean that the chair is yours when I get up. I expect to have more than 4 inches to sit on when I come back, please.

Love,
Giver of chest rubs

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Spike,

I read your mommy's post and she misses you so much. Find Tracy and all the other pups who made it to the rainbow bridge. Play together and have fun. If it's not too much, let your mommy know you're ok.

[mmswm]

Dear Baxter,

Chewing on the water faucet is poor form.  Your water bowl is fresh and full.  You don't need running water to stay hydrated.  I will be taking the cost of a new faucet out of your treat budget.

Also, you're lucky your 13 year old human really wants to go to the beach tomorrow, because I'm in no mood to do you any favors.

Love,
The one who really didn't want to do plumbing work today.

[GreenEyedHawk]

Dear Neighbour Dog,

You know me.  You know who I am.  Please stop flipping out and barking nonstop every time I step foot in my back yard.  I would like to spray my weeds in peace.

[JadeAngel]

Hey Scout,

It's very clever of you to come up with not one but two new and exciting games this week - unfortunately i'm not a real fan of either one.

Shotgun!
Okay, this one is my fault. I invited you onto the bed. But I only meant get up this one time. Waiting until one of us has to answer the call of nature during the night and then leaping into the bed like a furry missile and curling up in our warm spot is not on. Especially when you then dead weight when we try to get you off the bed. You have your own bed, please be sticking to it from now on.

Hide and Go Seek
Whereupon you sneak into rooms you're not supposed to be in and leave us 'little presents' in unexpected places. Really not loving opening up the door to the spare bedroom and being knocked flat on my back by a wall of stench - also how did you get behind the curtains?

After consideration i've invented a third game - it's called 'Scout gets a meaty bone which keeps her quiet for anything up to an hour' and if you play your cards right we could be playing this one a lot. But only if you drop the other two - particularly hide and go seek.

Do we have a deal?

Love

The Purveyor of Meaty Bones

[andi]

I jack - the rabbits are bigger than you and not afraid of you since you're on a leash. Save your dignity and ignore them

Also, I know the new wood floor is scary, but it's not going to hurt you. Just walk on it already

[mmswm]

Dear Lucy,

You are a 10 pound scrap of nothing.  Stop acting like you are the big, bad dog on the block.  Your little brother (the mastiff) won't always be there to protect you when bigger dogs call your bluff.

Love,
The one who'd like to see you live to a ripe old age.

[Julian]

Dear Molly

I'm sorry you had to come to work with me today, but I can't ignore the sore paws and general grumpiness - something's wrong, you need to go to the vet, and I need to work, so here you are.  Thankfully you've been such a good girl!  But really, the elevator isn't going to eat you, there's no need to be so scared of it.

Dear Suzi

Molly hasn't had a fun day today, she's been to the doctor and is bored out of her mind in my office.  So it's not an entertainment outing.  I'm sorry you missed out on coming in too, but really it just isn't gonna happen.  Barking and whining will not make it happen.

Dear Ella

Power cords are not chew toys.  Particularly when they're plugged in and actively charging something.  If you'd electrocuted your silly self I would not have been surprised.  I'm also surprised my device survived.  Next time I may seriously consider making a new hat out of your hide, missy!  [Not really, but good grief!]

Love
the provider of treats and warm lap and cuddles

[Fliss]

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.

[greencat]

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.

When I had two big dogs, I had to start walking them separately after a leaf-chasing incident where I got pulled off my feet and across about 30 feet of dirt and concrete.  They were much easier to deal with that way...

[gingerzing]

Dear Sam

I know it's been a long time since you and your Demon brother had a good long walk, but we need to chat about your attitude.

1) I put you outside after I got dressed so I could get everything ready without your "help". Dancing around and barrooing at the top of your voice was not needed. You just annoyed me and woke up every other dog for streets around.

2) You know you don't wear neck chains anymore. You have a lovely, bright red harness instead. However -- this does involve standing still and letting me get your feet in it and adjusting the chest. Doing a bouncing kangaroo impression every time I bent down merely made me lose my temper when I got bashed in the nose. Also, once your harness is on, shoving Max out of the way while I try and put his on did not help.

3) We had a lovely 5k walk across the valley and back. Yes, that little white dog that charged up and down his fence yelling his head off was rude. There was no need for you to rocket to the end of you lead and shout rude things back however. We were all tired and it very nearly went bad. And when Rotties like yourself are involved, the other Humans will not be nice. We won't go that way again.

Dear Max

You were a very good dog, and I was very pleased. We will be doing lots of walks again, just as soon as I can work out how to safely take you both out.

The (exhausted) provider of ears and chewies.

Rotties -  I love rotties.  But a rottie bouncing like a kangaroo?  Heh that is a great visual.  They do sometimes forget that they are big dogs.  (All the ones that I have met were big baby loves.)

[mmswm]

Dear Baxter and the Deamon Twins,

I'd really love to see what would happen if we got you three together for a play date.

[Lady Snowdon]

Dear Smokey,

Why are you such a dingbat?  I'm really tired of letting you outside, only to have you stand just off the deck and look at me confusedly, as if you're no longer sure why we take you outside.  If you want to go back inside (and why would you?  It's July and beautiful outside!) then go potty, do your business and I'll let you back inside.  Standing there like a lump and a dingbat gets you chased around the yard.  Please, dingbat.  Just go potty.  It's something you're supposed to want to do!

Love,

Your people

[Valentines Mommy]

Dear Gemini,

Please stop peeling off your scabs! That paw needs to heal. If you don't stop, the vet had given me a muzzle to use with the cone of shame.