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Author Topic: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.  (Read 23769 times)

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Ceallach

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #165 on: July 18, 2015, 02:24:14 AM »
My admission time:  I had a period that I told people "I'm tired."   :-[  One of my friends said "You've been saying that a lot lately.  You should go to the doctor."  Long story short, I was diagnosed with diabetes & a severe vitamin D deficiency.  I'd gotten so stuck on autopilot that I only noticed the most obvious symptom to me; I was really tired all the time.  I keep a daily journal now, and  I make note of when I'm feeling extra tired.
You bring up a good point. A friend of mine did her Master's degree on a subject related to pain studies. It's fascinating, but as assinine as it is to tell someone with a chronic condition "but you're used to it"... it's actually kind of true (and that's a bad thing.)

My friend's study focussed on organ transplant recipients, most of whom had been very, very ill for a really long time. Due to the life-threatening complications that come from organ rejection, the post-op patients are told repeatedly "If you start feeling bad, you must go to your doctor immediately!"

The problem? How bad is "feeling bad" if you've been feeling horrible for the past ten years?

Most of the patients who experienced complications were so accustomed to feeling so very, very crummy that by the time it was bad enough for them to think "I feel bad" complications had progressed further than they ought to have. Their personal thresholds for "feeling bad" were much, higher than the average person because they were used to it. So they would wait until they felt "unusually bad" before seeking help which was pretty darned bad.

So like you, there are times when "tired" or "feeling bad" develops gradually over such a long period of time that you don't realize that it's not normal discomfort or fatigue that you're experiencing. Someone else has to point out that something is wrong.



So true! No related to illness, but a couple of months ago, I quit my second job. It was time, i was sick of doing it, the hours etc. and was finally financially able to. I had no idea how tired I had actually become, since it had become the norm for me. I did notice when I'd go visit my mom for a week, with no work at all, it took me a couple of days to sort of "get over" that feeling of exhaustion I'd get, and not being on the go all the time, it was noticeable. But then I'd come back, and start all over again. I was always on the go.

Since I quit, up until a week or so ago, I was going to bed earler, a lot more frequently than I had in the past. Normal for me was 11-11:30, i was in bed some nights before 10! and sleeping through. and not walking up super early.

What really hit home for me was one night, probably the first I didn't sleep well since quitting, and woke up tired, really tired. I realized that's how I had felt each and every day, while doing 2 jobs. But since it was normal, i just accepted it.

Just another reason i am so very glad I only have one job now! I stop in ever now and again, and they always ask if I miss it. I say i miss them, but not the job.

It is funny how we can't see the wood for the trees sometimes.  After I had my son I kept working fulltime, but didn't put him in daycare until 7 months and even then only 2 days per week.  The rest of my work I just did with him there or at night when he was asleep (mostly emails, planning, strategy, policy writing, internal meetings etc).  He never slept through the night (6 times in his first 18 months!) I would work after he went down for the night around 10pm, wake to feed him during the night, and if I fed him at 4am I would then get up and work on my laptop until he woke up again.  But I was so caught up in go-go-go I honestly didn't realise how burnt out I was getting.   It wasn't until he was about to turn 1 and I took a week off for the holidays that I completely crashed.  I was exhausted.  And I had honestly had no idea up until that point - I thought I was having the most awesome year!  And I was, it was just tiring.  Funny this is, after I had that break I could never live that same way again, I've actually been struggling ever since with exhaustion.  If I try to burn the candle at both ends I feel it now!   It's not my *normal* anymore. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Ceallach

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #166 on: July 18, 2015, 05:34:48 AM »
On the topic of "relative" stress.    My mother never worked fulltime - she married young, and was a SAHM even after my dad left.   After all us kids grew up she started working a few hours per week.   Don't get me wrong, she is a *very* hard worker, just her way of working is different and more flexible - it's all been around household duties.

A few years back she got a paid job that would require her to work twice per year for 2 weeks straight.  (Kind of like working the door at an event).  Prior to the event she had a few hours of prep work / scheduling to do from home for two weeks, but mainly it was just those 2 weeks of work.   Note that this wasn't a second job, it was her only paid job at the time.

During those two weeks, the way she would complain to my sister and I about how hard it was - sheesh!   Do you have any idea how hard it is to get your laundry washed and dried, and get dinner cooked, when you have to leave the house by 9am and don't get home until 5?   :'(

....Well, yep, sis and I both did - we both worked fulltime and had done for many years!  Back then I was leaving the house at 7am for my fulltime job, home around 6:30pm, and that was 52 weeks of the year.  Oh and did I mention I was also completing university studies part-time in the evenings, and planning my wedding with DH?     

I was understanding because I knew that to her it was a big change and a big deal.   But I can't say I had a lot of sympathy!
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cicero

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #167 on: July 18, 2015, 01:51:09 PM »
I have a more light-hearted one. When my father first got bifocals, he started telling me how hard it is to walk up and down stairs with them. I agreed that it is, then pointed out that when I had bifocals in 4th grade, and that at least no one expected him to play kickball while wearing them. (FTR - Not recommended.  ;)) He just laughed and said he forgot who he was talking to. (How you forget paying for a new pair of expensive glasses every 6 months during your kid's grade school years is beyond me, but my mom always took care of the household finances.)

And i can top you! (just kidding really) But I know what you mean. I got glasses when I was five, bifocals, and found out on our first road trip, that reading in the car, while wearing them? Not such a good idea as one gets very carsick.

Luckily, the bifocals didn't last too long. They didn't correct my eyesight the way they were supposed to, so my next pair were the regular old coke-bottle lenses, and it was getting contact lenses in middle school that made a real difference (PSA - not all contact lens wearers are vain; for some of us they work better than eyeglasses and keep our eyes from getting worse).

There was a kid in my class who wore trifocals. I can't even imagine...
wow that sounds like me - i got glasses when i was six :'( and got bifocals when i was maybe 8 or 9 and it was only that one year or two. must have been a trend way back when (I was born in 1960).

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Dazi

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #168 on: July 18, 2015, 02:40:39 PM »
I have a more light-hearted one. When my father first got bifocals, he started telling me how hard it is to walk up and down stairs with them. I agreed that it is, then pointed out that when I had bifocals in 4th grade, and that at least no one expected him to play kickball while wearing them. (FTR - Not recommended.  ;)) He just laughed and said he forgot who he was talking to. (How you forget paying for a new pair of expensive glasses every 6 months during your kid's grade school years is beyond me, but my mom always took care of the household finances.)

And i can top you! (just kidding really) But I know what you mean. I got glasses when I was five, bifocals, and found out on our first road trip, that reading in the car, while wearing them? Not such a good idea as one gets very carsick.

Luckily, the bifocals didn't last too long. They didn't correct my eyesight the way they were supposed to, so my next pair were the regular old coke-bottle lenses, and it was getting contact lenses in middle school that made a real difference (PSA - not all contact lens wearers are vain; for some of us they work better than eyeglasses and keep our eyes from getting worse).

There was a kid in my class who wore trifocals. I can't even imagine...
wow that sounds like me - i got glasses when i was six :'( and got bifocals when i was maybe 8 or 9 and it was only that one year or two. must have been a trend way back when (I was born in 1960).
If a child needs bifocals it is often only for a year or two.  Bifocals are used to correct eye drift (lazy or cross eyes problems or those who have trouble focusing/double vision).
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





AngelicGamer

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #169 on: July 18, 2015, 03:04:51 PM »
My uncle went through a second stroke.  Thankfully, he's still with us, but he's got blind spots in his vision and his hearing was affected.  He's glad that we all love him because there's a lot of "you don't know how hard it is" from him.  Especially when it comes with his sight issues and having to scan to see things.

If you're wondering why this is annoying, I'm legally blind due to not having a lot of field vision (side vision).  I've been scanning all my life and attempts to help have been swept aside with that line.  I drop it and my aunt tells him to knock it off.  I'm more amused than anything, because I love my uncle, and sometimes, after saying the line, he does take my advice.



hermanne

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #170 on: July 18, 2015, 09:01:19 PM »
My sister had a miscarriage at about 22 weeks (a little more than halfway through her pregnancy). When SIL heard, she said she knew what Sis was going through! After all, SIL had had a miscarriage, too, only hers was so much worse!

SIL's miscarriage was at 5 weeks. ::)

ETA: I'm not putting down her experience, but there's a big difference between a miscarriage at just over one month of pregnancy when the fetus is maybe the size of a pea, and one at 4.5 - 5 months where Sis had to go to the hospital to deliver her dead baby.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2015, 09:58:38 PM by hermanne »
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poundcake

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #171 on: July 19, 2015, 11:30:55 AM »
Quote
"Please only respond if you CAN make this activity...no need to notify us you cannot."

I ended up doing a version of this. And now that the week has actually started and people are here in person, it's been easy to say "Wow, Debbie sounds like she's having a rough time. Maybe send some PMs, organize a visit?" and shift focus from the FB group. I know three different people emailed her in the last 24 hours. And, other than a "Miss you guys!" response to one of our posts, she's been quiet. Hopefully this will do the trick, and Debbie will get the support she needs without turning our Alum Week Events Page into something it isn't.

Klein Bottle

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #172 on: July 19, 2015, 12:22:22 PM »
Quote
"Please only respond if you CAN make this activity...no need to notify us you cannot."

I ended up doing a version of this. And now that the week has actually started and people are here in person, it's been easy to say "Wow, Debbie sounds like she's having a rough time. Maybe send some PMs, organize a visit?" and shift focus from the FB group. I know three different people emailed her in the last 24 hours. And, other than a "Miss you guys!" response to one of our posts, she's been quiet. Hopefully this will do the trick, and Debbie will get the support she needs without turning our Alum Week Events Page into something it isn't.

It sounds like she's really had it handed to her recently.   :( It's very kind of your association to reach out to her. But her continual hijacking of the reunion threads would be highly annoying; that was a good way to deal with keeping them on topic and also being supportive of your friend.
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WolfWay

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Re: "You don't know how hard it is..." and other toppers.
« Reply #173 on: July 29, 2015, 03:49:47 AM »
Monty Python's 'Four Yorkshiremen' sketch springs to mind..

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

"You lived in a shoebox? Luxury!"
That tangentially reminds me of a conversation between Welsh comedian Rob Brydon and Stephen Fry:

Rob: Do you know, Anthony Hopkins grew up in the same street as my father?
Stephen: Yes, well, in England, we live in houses.
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