A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!

S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat

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My dearest Renji,

We have had this discussion before, but I hope this time sticks.

Chewing power cords is dangerous for felines. Electricity and kitty saliva do not mix. Mommy and Daddy could come home to fried kitty. Not a good thing. Plus, Daddy is NOT happy that two computer power cords are now chewed up.

Now, we got the icky spray to put on the cords and new cord covers. If we see you making funny faces and foaming at the mouth, we will know what is going on. Just leave them alone.

I love you my big tom kitty. No chewing the cords.

Love, the female human who loves to give you chin skritchies

Dear female cats,

The kittens do not need to be punished for approaching you.  They appear to have an excellent understanding that with four in the litter, they have plenty of playmates and do not need to chew on the adult cats.  Mama cat, I do see that you might be a bit fed up with the lot.  Princess, I guess you're always like this anyway, and I don't know why I bother expecting you to be polite anymore.

Dear Moose,

You are such a good boy!  Now, if you could just administer adorable licks to the kittens while I have a camera aimed at you...

Dear Kittens,

What the eHell did you do to my bathroom?!?!?!? Also my kitchen!  Actually, the whole house.  Yikes.


Dear Batkittens,
I despair of telling you apart from each other.  You have leapfrogging growth spurts so I can't use one of you being slightly bigger than the other as a reliable guide.  I have to flip you over to check for the Bat Signal on Adam West Batman's stomach to make sure I've got the right kitten for administering flea meds and the like.

Dear Joker,
I'm glad you seem to be leaving behind that extremely skittish stage you were in and warming up to me again.

Dear Penguin,
You are starting to look as goofy as your personality.  Cats with Siamese genes are supposed to start out light colored and get darker around the perimeter.  You started out mostly black and now most of you has turned gray...

And as an addendum, so he doesn't feel left out:

Dear Rocky,

You are such a good boy.  I'm glad the fish-based dog food has solved your horrible dandruff problem.  I'm sorry Moose keeps trying to eat it. 


The Zookeeper


--- Quote from: magicdomino on September 19, 2013, 03:53:24 PM ---Dear Xena,

Sleeping on a human's lower abdominal area is a very effective way of getting that human up, as you have discovered.  If your human has one of those little boxes that suddenly become noisy in the morning, I recommend that you wait until close to that time to nap on the human.  Humans have difficulty getting up in the morning, even when awakened by a noisy box, so your assistance at that time will be appreciated.   More importantly, it ensures that your breakfast is served on time.


--- End quote ---

Dear Magic,

But mostly, I want the nice warm humans to stay put so I have a proper napping platform and scritches on demand. My humans give me the yummy wet food for supper, not breakfast; I have to make do with crunchies the rest of the time. Why DO humans insist on having those silly noisy boxes?


Dear Bear and Nitro,

We'll be back in a few days, so put up with That Other Guy feeding you and taking care of the litter box a little longer. The Nice Young Lady did her best, too.

Please don't hate us for having had you cat-sit while we were away for the year. You would have hated the traveling and the new space even more.

Looking forward to scritching you behind the ears.
The Nice Lady and The Nice Guy
(who used to live with you, and will again soon)

Dear fluffballs - yes, all four of you.

Yes, I am changing your food. You guys eat ridiculous amounts of food and the stuff I HAD you on is far too expensive, especially considering it doesn't even last an entire month with four little piglets in fur coats noshing on it. Get used to the new stuff. (This means you, Rika. You are far too picky for your own good. I don't care if you don't like fish. You WILL eat the new stuff.)

And whoever's horking all over the carpet, stop that. I have no idea if you're gorging yourself or just have a hairball, but I am getting really sick of cleaning up your hork. Literally. You don't want to make me be violently ill from dealing with mass amounts of cat barf, now do you?

Also, Rika? How the eHell did you manage to get the insides of your back legs so matted up?? I brush you daily! Now I'm going to have to pin you in the most awkward position ever and shave your underside! Don't you dare bite me, cat.

Love, though some days I'm not sure why,
the Not-Furry One.


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