We should have known that the butter stealing incident was a gateway crime, and that you were lulling us into a false sense of security while you planned great things. Abducting the roast chicken while I was right next to you was nicely done. I did not realise until I looked round to see the ears poking up over the side of the chicken (and no, a 7.5kg cat can't hide behind a 1.5kg chicken) and paws on the plate! For future reference "Get down" does not mean "Try to run away with the whole chicken in your mouth" and cooked bones are not good for you!
Fortunately it was after we had finished, and what was left was mostly due for cat render anyway, but Daddy was a little put out he wasn't getting his sandwiches tomorrow. What has got into you? These food thefts have to stop.
Mum (who won't buy any more chickens if this carries on)