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Author Topic: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat  (Read 634190 times)

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GreenHall

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1470 on: January 14, 2014, 03:01:11 PM »
Dear Renfield,

The potato chips are NOT going to suffocate in the plastic bag.  You do not need to tear holes in the bag to save them.  I would almost appreciate it if you ate some chips after destroying their bag, and then the ziploc that I put them into next.  Then you would have been going after the chips, rather than apparently just destroying the bag(s) for no apparent reason.  I put the second ziploc of chips in the cabinet, so I can be taught.

-The Can and Door Opener

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1471 on: January 14, 2014, 03:11:25 PM »
Dear tiny little Coffee Bean,

Why do you ignore fish and shrimp but go bat-guano crazy when the smell of lobster wafts by your little nose?  You went all crazy and bite-y on me!  You immediately resumed being your normal cuddly adorable self when the lobster was all eaten (by me, not you!) and removed from the room.

Love,

Human mama, who unlike cat mama, still feeds you.

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1472 on: January 16, 2014, 01:51:31 PM »
Dear Sophie,

I'm starting to get worried about your flashes of brilliance. I am, however, terribly impressed that you've figured out how to get more use out of your puzzle toy by dropping your mylar foil balls into it. What's next, shoving toy mice in there to frustrate your sisters when they can't get them back out?

Actually, knowing you, you WILL.

Very glad you don't have opposable thumbs,
the Not-Furry One.
"This is the kind of nonsense up with which I will not put."


Midnight Kitty

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1473 on: January 21, 2014, 06:11:07 PM »
Dear Liliane,

Our cat, Buddy, also likes to combine toys.  He'll put his catnip mouse in Mommy's Crocs because it's fun to play with it in them.  Previously, the Real Midnight Kitty enjoyed creating toy combinations.  She was very dexterous for a cat.  She was able to rotate her claw around to pick up a ball of crumpled paper single-handedpawed.  We joked that Midnight ruled the roost because we all know that if cats had opposable thumbs they would rule the world.

Midnight was exquisitely beautiful and very clever.  Buddy is handsome, but dim. He lets the dog run the show. Heck, he even gives his catnip mouse to Honey Girl.  Not a good idea: Honey Girl is a Foxy Doxy (fox terrier/dachshund mix) and she can destroy a catnip mouse in less than 60 seconds. ;D

Sincerely,
The Zoo Keeper
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1474 on: February 01, 2014, 12:03:20 PM »
Dear Sophie,

I'm glad you can entertain yourself. No, really, I am. But when entertaining yourself involves these steps:

1: find favorite mini tennis ball
2: drop favorite mini tennis ball down stairs and gleefully watch it THUMP down every stair
3: run down stairs at full speed to retrieve ball
4: repeat 2 and 3

...it gets a little annoying. Especially at 3 AM when people are trying to SLEEP. Can't you just go back to hiding toy mice under my bed or something? :P

Scritches,
the Not-Furry One.

PS: Yes, that new litter pan is nearly three feet long and holds thirty pounds of litter. Let's see you move THAT away from the wall.
"This is the kind of nonsense up with which I will not put."


greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1475 on: February 01, 2014, 07:46:13 PM »
Dear Coffee Bean,

Since this is the view I'm often presented with while surfing, and often enough, while I'm sleeping:



Can you please stop farting?  You are an extraordinarily gassy kitten!

Love,

Your mattress.

camlan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1476 on: February 02, 2014, 10:39:33 AM »
Fred,

While I am delighted that you think I can do anything, the truth is, I can't.

So all the meowing and pleading eyes in the world will not make it warm outside, or clear the screen porch from the icy snow.

You are stuck inside until spring. If that ever arrives.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1477 on: February 03, 2014, 07:15:32 AM »
Mocha,

You are adorable. Even at 9 months old. Even your snoring is adorable. And your growling at toys is as well.

But why were you stalking the cable repair man? Poor guy, you were going to attack him. You are supposed to be scared of strangers!  ???

Love, mom
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

misha412

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1478 on: February 03, 2014, 09:09:58 AM »
Dears Mocha,

Cable repair mens are ebil. They rub your belly and chin and calls you sweetie!!

Turned me into a pile of cat mush, purring and pitty-patting...I tell you ebil!!

Felines unite against ebil tummy-scratching, cable repair men!!

Renji
The recovering pile of cat mush

Tea Drinker

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1479 on: February 04, 2014, 12:01:22 AM »
Julian,

i know it's attached to my hand, but you really don't  want  to wash the velcro.

Love,

the provider of laps
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

atirial

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1480 on: February 04, 2014, 05:17:58 AM »
Dear Stephen,

I know you like sleeping on pillows. I do not qualify as one. You weigh seven kilos, and though you may be a warm vibrating cuddly hot water bottle, you do make it difficult to get oxygen. Or move.

At 2a.m. is not the best time for me to have to struggle to free an arm to wake the husband to remove the cat from my back, head, or side. This is three nights in a row.

Or at the very least, sit head up, instead of hitting me round the head with your tail.

Regards,
Your (very tired) owner.

snowfire

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1481 on: March 07, 2014, 01:23:45 AM »
Dear kitties,

I love when you cuddle up to me at night, but would you please pick one side or the other, not between my legs. My hips are starting to beg for mercy.

Thank you,
She who would like to be able to walk in the morning.

(Got two of them there right now. They are getting moved in 3...2...1...)

Fliss

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1482 on: March 07, 2014, 02:02:39 AM »

Dear Sam

You are a cute snugglepup, and I love the enthusiasm you have for your rawhide bones. However, grabbing it up, prancing down the hallway to the bedroom, then tossing your head and flinging it so it skips along the floor back to the loungeroom and galloping back after it, to slide on your mat until you crash into the tv, and then do the whole thing all over again, is not cool!

For a start, you wake daddy, who doesn't handle the heat well so is trying to sleep during the day. And when he becomes a grumblebum, he tends to spread the misery around until he goes back to sleep.

So no more chewie tossing! At least not until the heat has broken.

Your provider of chewies and needer of peace and quiet.
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.

Nikko-chan

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1483 on: March 07, 2014, 02:44:36 AM »
Dear Ciaran,

Why are you laying next to me? I mean not that I normally wouldn't be happy as a clam to have you laying next to me, but.... your tail is wagging. And all cat owners know what a wagging tail means. We also know it is nothing good. Please don't kill me.

Sincerely,

Your servant who wants to live to see another day.

greencat

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Re: S/O Dear Dog...Dear Cat
« Reply #1484 on: March 07, 2014, 03:37:06 AM »
Dear Coffee Bean,

Episodes of RUN AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE YOUR TAIL IS ON FIRE ATTACKING EVERYTHING YOU SEE are supposed to last 15 minutes, tops.  Where did you get the energy to maintain that level of excitement for more than an hour?  For the love of Dog, can you at least settle down a little bit?  Mommy is trying to sleep...as are your brothers and your father.  And Princess.  And the dog.  In fact, everything that is not you is trying to sleep.

Love,
Human Mommy.

Princess,

If you feel the need to hork again, please, do so on the floor.  I'd rather step in it tomorrow morning than have to spend the night sleeping on the bed without any sheets at all, since these are the spares.

Love,
Your subject

Dear Batkitten, specifically the one wearing the collar,

Stop trying to make snuggling with Princess happen.  It's not gonna happen.

Love,
The Babysitter.

Dear cats who are not mine,

Please stay out of my house.  The Batkittens do not have the authority to invite you inside.*  You, being mostly white with gray splotches, stand out a lot against my small horde of black cats.

Not-so-much-love,
The human

*I watched them sniff the noses of the other cats while on my back porch and then lead them inside and right to the food bowls, which they happily shared with the other cats.  Weirdos.